What Lies in the Woods(85)

I unfolded the other page. It had to be Liv’s—I recognized the handwriting.

I’m not good enough for the Goddesses. I have to try harder but I’m afraid.

I’m not a good friend.

I’m weak and I’m a coward.

I can’t do anything right.



“Oh, Liv,” I whispered. “I didn’t know it was that bad.” My heart ached for the little girl she’d been. She’d been so vulnerable, and the things that were coming for her were too immense for anyone to handle, much less a child whose demons were starting to wake. But she’d survived them—only for her life to be stolen from her.

I tried to picture it again. Liv by the pond, a gun pointing at her head, and the hand holding the gun—Ethan’s. I bit down on a scream, crumpling the papers in my fist. Cass must have kept these. Had she thrown fake pages into the fire? Why?

Probably so that she could read them, I realized, and sighed. She’d always had trouble letting go of control. She’d probably been worried we’d written something about her.

“What are you doing?”

I twisted around, adrenaline spiking. Oscar stood in the doorway, watching me with his usual blunt curiosity.

“Just reliving some old memories,” I said. I gestured at the Polaroids, mouth dry. “I took these. Ages ago.”

Oscar leaned against the doorframe. He’d ditched his suit jacket and rolled his sleeves up to his elbows, baring thick forearms. “You were always a nosy little—”

“Can you try to not be a complete creep for thirty seconds?” I snapped.

He grinned. “—kid,” he finished. He pushed off the doorframe and ambled toward me. My body tensed but I made myself stay still. He picked up one of the photographs. Cass with a crown of wildflowers, holding a crystal we’d tied to a bit of twine. “You were always doing such weird shit.”

“We were weird kids,” I said. He was close enough that I could feel his proximity, the shift of air on my skin. I’d never felt safe when Oscar was around. Once upon a time, that was why I’d gone to see him. Danger and pain had felt easier than safety. Now I was all too aware of the strength in those broad hands and of how badly he could hurt me.

“Nah, it was cool,” he said. “Weird-ass little witch girls. At least you were interesting.”

I stared at him, bile in my throat. “You hated me. The things you did—”

“You really are still hung up on that, aren’t you? Yeah, I was a piece of shit.”

“Still are,” I said bitterly.

“Sure. But I got my ass kicked for it, so let’s call it even.” He shrugged. Like that was that, pain balanced by pain. Like it didn’t leave cracks on your skin, whichever part you played. “Look, it wasn’t like I really wanted to hurt you or anything. I was drunk, okay? It was a stupid mistake.”

“I was your little sister’s friend,” I said, not ready to let it go. “She worshipped you.”

He snorted. “Hardly.”

I stared at him. “Come on. The way she followed you around? You protected her, and she would have done anything for you in return.”

“Protected her? From what?” Oscar asked. He was still standing entirely too close, looming over me.

“Your dad,” I said. “I know he used to hit her.”

He screwed up his face. “Dad? Nah. He beat the shit out of me, sure, but he never touched his precious princess.”

“I saw the bruises,” I said, confusion overtaking my anger. He had to know. She’d said he stepped in to protect her, so he was obviously aware of what was happening.

To my surprise, Oscar laughed. “Oh, that. Cass and her fucking fight club. Yeah, she used to have bruises all the time, but she gave them to herself. She was always trying to get me to lose my temper. She’d fucking whale on me, biting and scratching and everything, trying to get me to hit her. A couple of times I had to throw her off and pin her down just to get her to stop, but I never punched her or anything. She’d throw herself against the walls and the furniture and shit so she’d have bruises, though, and threaten to tell Dad I was hurting her unless I did shit for her.” He twirled a finger by his temple.

“Yeah, right,” I said. “Your seventy-pound sister was a real menace.”

“I’ve been in enough bar fights to know you don’t tangle with crazy,” he said simply. “Cass didn’t worship me. She was always looking for something she could hold over me. But the stuff she wanted was stupid kid stuff, so it was easier just to go along with it. I mean, no one would believe me, anyway. Everyone always loves Cass.”

I stared at him, trying to tell if he was messing with me. I didn’t want to believe him, but hadn’t she done the same thing to me? She’d used words, not fists. But she’d goaded me over and over again until I hit her. Then she’d turn vicious, but the fight would be my fault, because I’d started it.

I’d understood it, though—that urge to fight, not just because you wanted to hurt something but because you wanted to be hurt. It had never gone away. I’d just found less visible ways to wear my bruises.

But Oscar was violent, and he was scum. I had no reason to accept his word over Cass’s.

“Do you need something, Oscar?” I asked him, my wariness not fading by even a fraction.