What Lies Beyond the Veil(Of Flesh & Bone #1)(53)

That’s when I see her. Just behind Rondell, by the game where you hit the big weasel with the hammer. Laughing too loud and batting her eyes like she got dirt in ’em. Just like I thought, Pimple Boy’s there, too, whacking the furry animal when it pokes its little head through the holes.

“Did you see that?” yells Rondell. “I got it in the middle!” The game dings and dings and Rondell yells and yells.

“I saw it!” I lie. “How many points you get for that?” We both watch as his score climbs up and up.

“Two hundred!” Rondell is so excited, almost makes me forget bout Nia. Almost. “Your turn,” Rondell tells me. Farther on, Pimple Boy finishes his game and whispers something to Nia that makes her laugh and playfully swat his shoulder. My skin starts to feel prickly all over.

I pick up a ball that feels more like a bowling ball now. Nia and Pimple Boy disappear. Just like Nia and Jesse. I heave the ball down the sloped lane.

“Kenyatta!” I hear Rondell yell at the same time I see my ball crash into the screen. It hits so hard that a long crack appears in the plastic.

“My bad,” I whisper. But as the crack spreads bigger and bigger, I feel good for some reason. My fists are clenched tight, and I try to relax, but I can’t.

“You okay?” Rondell asks again.

But I can’t answer, cause my tongue feels glued to the bottom of my mouth. Everything feels like it’s moving too fast. I wanna tell Rondell that no, I ain’t okay, but I’m tired of feeling outta control. So I open my mouth and say instead, “Wanna see something?” Rondell seems confused and says something, but I can’t hear nothin’ now, cept Nia making them little sounds over and over in my head. I gotta make ’em stop. “Come on.” I walk away from the Skee-Ball machine, still dinging cause we ain’t finish our game.

“Where we going?” Rondell comes up behind me quick, and I don’t respond cause I don’t know. But I keep walking like I do know. If Nia can disappear with boys, so can I. I turn the corner and stop in front of the back door, at the end of a long hallway. Rondell stands in front of me, back to the door.

“What’s this?” Rondell asks, looking around. Ain’t nothin’ to see back here, though, cept old cardboard boxes that used to hold tickets and tokens and pizzas.

“I just wanted someplace quiet.” The noises in my head get louder and louder and the world’s spinning around me. I try not to wonder where Nia went with Pimple Boy, but the question repeats in my head like a scratched CD. I feel like my eyes are filled with red, like the cartoon animals on TV when they get so mad their heads boil over with hot lava. I imagine angry whistle noises shooting from my ears, like I’m the old teakettle Momma kept hidden behind the pots and pans at the old house, then refused to leave behind when we moved to the motel.

“Okay,” Rondell whispers. He shuffles his feet, so he’s moving but ain’t got nowhere to go. In my head, Nia kisses Jesse with her wet mouth, letting him lift the skirt of her dress til her panties show. Tiny purple patterns the only thing left to cover that “thing” Momma always tells us we gotta protect. Don’t look like Nia wanna protect hers, though, cause in my mind, the boy’s starting to blur the patterns with his greedy fingers.

The patterns fill my eyes til I’m blind, and when I say to Rondell, “You ever seen a girl’s panties?” the noises are so loud I can’t hear my own voice. My throat’s dry like I been screaming for hours. Up til now, I been tryna hold it all in. But standing here on my birthday with a stranger who wanna give me more attention than my own sister, I feel like the world is on fire and I’m somewhere lost in it. I try to find Rondell, standing in front of me.

“Uh, not really,” he says, but he’s changed, Rondell, I’ve changed him somehow. He looks like he’s thirsty, licking his lips over and over. The brick wall behind him seems like it gets closer and closer. I’m facing the door; Rondell’s facing me. All I know is I gotta do something to stop the noise.

And I don’t know why this would stop it, but it’s what I do: while Rondell watches, I unbutton my pants. I ain’t ever undressed in front of anybody before, cept Momma and Nia. I don’t know why I’m gon’ do it now, I just do. Rondell stares as my zipper goes down, down. Just enough so he can see a triangle of pink-patterned flowers. I wish I wore some better panties today, but now it’s too late. Rondell licks his wet lips.

We stay there like that, without moving. I’m waiting til the noise stops, but Rondell’s staring like he’s tryna memorize all the patterns. My fists don’t clench no more and I ain’t frowning no more. Rondell looks at me hungry, like Jesse when he was touching Nia. I count five long seconds in my head, then start to pull the zipper up again.

“Wait,” says Rondell quick, “don’t do that yet.” He reaches his hands toward mine, and I clench my fists again.

“Why?” I ask, hands guarding my zipper.

“Cause I still wanna see,” Rondell whines. I ignore him and zip my pants as fast as I can. I think maybe I made a mistake, copying Nia when she did something so bad. I button my pants just as I hear a voice behind me.

“Kenyatta?” I freeze at the sound of Granddaddy’s rumble. Then lower my hands to my sides, slow, so he can’t see what I was doin’. Rondell stands in front of me frozen, with big eyes looking straight past me.