Well Matched (Well Met #3)(86)

“Don’t worry. We can help with that too.” Simon joined us in the dining room and we all looked into the kitchen at our progress.

“Thanks,” I said. The new cabinet doors were a perfect match for my kitchen, but looking at them brought me no joy. I thought having them installed would make me feel better. But they just made me think of Mitch. Everything did these days.

I needed to sell this house and get the hell out of here.



* * *



? ? ?

Everything Caitlin wanted to bring to college fit into my SUV, but just barely. Emily and her Jeep were on standby, but my daughter and I were able to make the trip with just the two of us. The way we’d done almost everything else in her life. It seemed fitting.

A whirlwind of registration forms, key collecting, and endless trips up and down two flights of stairs later, I had done my cardio for the month, and my daughter was moved into her new dorm room.

“Mom?” Caitlin had been checking out the view from her window, but now she turned to me, her voice small. “Thanks.”

“Of course. Did you think I was going to let you move into your dorm alone?” I put my hands on my hips and surveyed our progress. She was about ninety percent unpacked; we’d put most of her clothes away, and her bed was made up with those special extra-long dorm room sheets. Something that hadn’t changed since my own college days. Books and snacks were piled on her desk to be dealt with later. Her pillows had been plumped, and her faithful stuffed rabbit lounged in the middle of them.

It was the rabbit that did it. I couldn’t count the number of times that she’d thrown Mr. Ears out of the stroller when she was a toddler. The road trips we’d taken with him on her lap. His fur was worn thin and he hadn’t been fluffy in years, but he was still her favorite thing. Caitlin was all grown up now, but my little girl was still in there somewhere. And I was just leaving her here, on her own. It didn’t feel right. I wanted to throw her in the SUV and drive the hell away from here.

“No, I don’t mean that. Well, I do mean that, and thank you. But . . .” She tugged on her ponytail, tightening it. “I mean for everything. Just . . . just everything.” She walked across the room and her arms wrapped around me in a hug so tight that it squeezed those threatening tears from my eyes.

“Hey.” I held her close, one last big hug from Mom before she started college. She could do this. I could do this. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. You know that.”

She nodded against my shoulder but didn’t let go yet. “You’re my favorite mom.”

My laugh was watery but, goddammit, I was not going to cry in front of my daughter. She didn’t need that. Not when her life was about to begin. “You’re my favorite kid. My all-time favorite.”

I kissed her twice on the cheek and she let me go, running her fingertips under her eyes to catch the tears.

“Hey,” I said again. “Don’t worry, okay? You’re going to do great.”

She nodded, sniffed, and smiled. “You are too.”

“Me?” I shook my head. “You know me. Not a lot going on.”

“Maybe there should be. I want you to be happy, okay, Mom?”

“Oh, honey. I am.” But that was an automatic response, and my kid wasn’t a kid anymore.

Caitlin huffed. “I know. But . . . I mean really happy. I’m not stupid, you know. I know you gave up a lot for me. All my life.”

“That’s what moms do, you know.” I reached out and tweaked her ponytail, tried to sound teasing. “Put their kids first. It’s part of the job.”

But she wouldn’t be distracted. “Mom. I want you to put you first now. And if that’s selling the house and moving to the city, then that’s good. But . . .” She took a deep breath, her expression uncertain. “But I know you’ve been happy lately. Happier than I’ve seen you in, like, ever. Just . . . maybe think about that, okay?”

I didn’t want to think about that. In fact, thinking about that was the last thing I wanted to do. Because she was right. I had been happy. And then I’d thrown it away because I’d gotten too scared to let it be real. But I forced a smile, made it look casual. “I will, baby. I promise.”

One last hug goodbye and I left her to it. I made it all the way back to the car before the tears started to fall, and I swiped at them as I fired up the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. No one needed to see this. I needed to hold it together until I was home.

The house was empty, and when I turned off the engine, safe in the garage, I laid my head on the steering wheel and cried. And it was a good one—one of those long, hard cries that left you with eye makeup all over your face, a headache, and dehydration. When it was done I picked up my phone. My thumb automatically scrolled to Mitch’s name, but my brain kicked in before I could tap on it. The greatest comfort I could think of was his arms around me. It had only been a couple of weeks, but I already missed the way he made me feel whole.

But I didn’t have the right to that anymore. It didn’t matter how much I missed him; I shouldn’t look backwards. Caitlin was starting the next chapter of her life and now it was time for me to do the same.

Instead I flicked to Emily’s name and hit the Call button.

“Hey!” Her voice was cheerful, when I wondered if I would ever smile again. “Everything go okay with Caitlin?”