Want to Know a Secret? (83)

“Got it. I’ll be right there.”

I stare across the way, into Maria’s window. April is still standing there with the knife. Any second, Maria will go upstairs. “How long?”

“With the sirens? Maybe… ten minutes.”

“No. Somebody has to come right now.” I squeeze the phone until my fingers tingle. “Right this minute.”

“Okay. I’ll get a squad car to go.”

I try to look in the windows downstairs, to see if Maria is still on the first floor. I don’t see her. “I’ve got to go over there.”

“Jules, no.” I hear the siren going on the other line. He must’ve gotten on the road. “Don’t go over there—it’s too dangerous. I’m getting a squad car to go. Don’t move. We will take care of this.”

“I have to…”

“I mean it, Julianne. Don’t even think about—”

I hang up the phone before he can say anything else. I know he wants to try to talk me out of it, and he might be right. It might be stupid to go over there. But it’s my fault this is happening. I’ve got to do something.

I’ve got to go over there.





Chapter 54


APRIL



Courtney Burns.

You want the truth about Courtney Burns? Here’s the truth:

Bobby was two years old. He wouldn’t stop crying that day. While we were at the department store, he threw himself onto the ground and had an all-out tantrum, his legs and arms flailing around, his tiny face turning pink. I can’t even remember what the tantrum was about. Maybe because he wanted to wear his diaper as a hat and I wouldn’t let him. Maybe because I wouldn’t let him eat sunscreen. Who knows. But at the end of a very long day, I finally got him to bed. He passed out in his crib and I went to the kitchen to make some dinner before Elliot got home from work. It smelled wonderful.

But Elliot wasn’t interested in dinner. He got home from work and he said, “April, we need to talk.”

I didn’t look up from the meat sauce I was stirring on the stove. I didn’t want it to burn. “About what?”

“I…” I could feel Elliot’s presence behind me. “I’ve met someone else.”

I put down the spoon and turned to look at him. This was before he started shaving his head, and his hair was receding a lot, but he still looked very handsome. He still sometimes turned heads. “What?”

“I’m sorry.” He dropped his eyes. “It’s Courtney. My assistant at work. I… I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

Elliot was cheating on me. I was hurt, but not entirely surprised. Men cheated. That was just what they did. I would make him grovel, but ultimately, I would forgive him. “Is it over then?”

“April.” His brow furrowed. “I… I’m in love with her.”

And then I realized what he was saying to me. He wasn’t confessing an affair. He was telling me he was leaving me for her.

I saw my entire life falling apart. My son growing up without a father in the house. Scrounging around for money. I could never afford to live in this neighborhood as a single mother. Where would we live? What would I do?

All because of Courtney.

So I kept it from happening. Dr. Williams was so wonderful about that. Joe was my primary care doctor back then, and I always felt like he had a thing for me, even though he was happily married. He was able to look up the name of Courtney’s doctor and call in an Ativan prescription under his name. I picked up the prescription and I went to Courtney’s house. I got in through the back door, which was hanging right open. It wasn’t even locked!

And I waited for her.

Ultimately, what the police determined was true. Courtney did take all those pills herself. So technically, it was suicide. But she probably wouldn’t have taken them if I wasn’t holding that knife. I explained to her the way I would slice up her beautiful face first, then the rest of her if she didn’t do what I said. She was resistant at first, but when I cut off her pretty blond hair, she became much more compliant.

And Elliot stayed, of course. Although he never looked at me quite the same after that. But you can certainly understand why I never wanted to get pregnant again. He started up with her when I was still padded with about fifteen pounds of my baby weight from Bobby, when I was too tired for the kind of enthusiastic performance I’m sure Courtney put on in bed. Elliot claims he wants another baby, but look what he did to me after the first one we had. You can’t blame me for taking birth control pills.

My mother was my alibi for the night of Courtney’s death. I explained to her the way it would look. I swore to her I didn’t kill Courtney, but I needed an alibi. I needed her to help me. And she did it.

A year later, she changed her mind. She decided I probably did kill Courtney after all. Can you believe that? What kind of loyalty is that to her daughter? Yes, she was right. But still.

Luckily, Joe helped me again. He was her doctor too by then—I made sure of that—and it was almost too easy to label her with a diagnosis of early-onset dementia. I took her to court and became her health care proxy and power of attorney. Joe pulled some strings to get her into Shady Oaks, where he was able to give her enough medications to make sure nobody doubted the diagnosis.