Want to Know a Secret? (35)

Her eyes crack open. They’re very bloodshot. “April,” she croaks.

“I’m here, Mom,” I say in a loud voice to make sure she can hear me. “I’m here for you. I’m always here for you.”

“April, please.” As opposed to the angry voice she used on camera, her voice is now a pleading whisper. “Please get me out of here. I don’t want to be in this place anymore.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“I don’t have to live with you.” Her words are coming out slurred. “I… I could get my own place. Somewhere far away. You’d never even have to see me. I wouldn’t bother you. I promise.”

Tears well up in my eyes. I remember how my mother used to walk me to the bus stop every single morning for school. My little hand would get swallowed up by her bigger hand, and I would feel so safe and secure. I just need her to be safe like that. But she doesn’t understand.

“I’m sorry, Mom.” I wipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. “You have to stay here. It’s the best thing.”

But then her eyes flutter closed. And just like that, she’s asleep.

My hands are still shaking as I leave the room. I wanted to include my mother in my show, but I can see now her dementia is too advanced. I can’t attempt it again.

Dr. Williams sees how upset I am. He’s perceptive about things like that. He puts a hand on my shoulder again. “You can’t let it get to you, April. You’re doing the right thing.”

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. Peggy is watching us and it makes me uncomfortable.

“It sounds like her paranoia is getting worse. I’m going to increase her scheduled antipsychotics.” He takes a set of notes out of the pocket of his white coat and scribbles something down. “Hopefully she’ll do better with that.”

“Dr. Williams,” I say, “isn’t there anything we can do for her memory? Aren’t there any treatments? A clinical trial she can be enrolled in? Anything?”

He shakes his head. “I’m afraid the treatments for dementia right now aren’t great. We’ve already got her on Aricept and Namenda, and I haven’t noticed any improvement. I think right now the best thing we can do for her is to manage her agitation. Before she hurts somebody… or herself.”

“Okay… if you say so…”

He squeezes my shoulder. “Hang in there, April. I promise you this is the best thing for her. Don’t beat yourself up.”

I look in the room again, and my mother is now sound asleep. She looks peaceful. Dr. Williams is right. This is the best thing.

_____



Before I leave Shady Oaks, I say goodbye to all the nurses and make sure they all try some of my cheesecake bites, and I let them know that the remainder of the no-bake cheesecake is in the fridge. The nurses at Shady Oaks are absolutely wonderful, and they take amazing care of my mother. I try to let them know how appreciated they are.

Elliot sometimes tells me I go overboard bringing treats for everyone, but I love doing it, and honestly, who doesn’t like treats? Everyone appreciates it. And it’s what I do.

When I get to the reception area, Delilah gives me a big smile. “So how did the filming go?”

“It got a little dicey,” I admit. “My mom just wasn’t… She was having a bad day.” I swallow a lump in my throat. “Maybe she’s getting too sick to do the shows.”

“Oh, April…” Delilah reaches out to pat my hand. “You know how it is. There are good days and bad days. Dr. Williams will take care of her.”

“I know. You’re right.”

Bobby is sitting quietly next to Delilah, drawing something that looks like a dinosaur fighting a ninja turtle. His tongue is sticking out of his mouth as he concentrates. He looks a lot like Elliot at this moment. Which makes me miss my husband. I feel like I’ve been seeing him even less than usual lately.

And then an idea occurs to me. Something that will cheer me up after this disastrous afternoon.

“Hey, Bobby,” I say. “Do you want to go stop by Dad’s work? It’s on the way home. And you haven’t seen his office in years.”

Bobby’s eyes light up. “Yeah!”

I’m relieved. It was equally likely that he would think my idea was boring and lame.

It’s a great plan. Brianna has been a total bitch to me, but she’ll be nice to Bobby. She won’t keep Bobby from seeing his father.

We hop back in the car and make the ten-minute drive to Elliot’s office. I arrive at the parking lot of the building that houses Elliot’s office just after four o’clock. It’s good timing—he should be done with all his meetings for the day.

Just as I’m parking in the lot, I see a couple standing right outside the building. It takes me a second to recognize my husband and his beautiful blond secretary. I kill the engine and watch them for a moment through my windshield.

He’s standing incredibly close to her. They’re talking softly, and at one point, she reaches out and straightens his tie. It’s such an intimate gesture.

Then Elliot makes a beeline for his car, gets inside, and drives off.

“Mom, aren’t we getting out of the car?”

Bobby has gotten out of his booster seat and he’s fumbling with the door lock. “Don’t open the door!” I snap at him.