Velvet Devil: A Russian Mafia Romance (112)

“She’s already mixed up in it, Cami. The moment Isaak finds out, everything will change.”

“He won’t find out.”

Bree is silent for a long time. Too long.

“What?” I ask.

“I just think that’s a little unrealistic. He has resources, Cami. And the moment he looks a little closer, he’s going to figure it out. It’s only a matter of time.”

I suppress a shiver. Only a matter of time. Those are haunting words.

“I’ve been used as a pawn in two men’s games for years now,” I say. “I don’t want Jo to be used in the same way.”

“Jo is Isaak’s daughter, Cami. If she has to be mixed up in that world, at least she’ll have protection.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Just instinct, I guess. Everything you’ve told me about Isaak makes me believe he’s the type of man that protects his own. And Jo is definitely top on that list.”

Suddenly, I’m running through every conversation I’ve had with Bree, trying to figure out what I said about Isaak. My heart is thundering in my chest.

“Bree?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you… do you think I have feelings for Isaak?”

There’s a long pause at the end of the line. “I mean, don’t you?”

“Bree.”

“Honey, of course I think you have feelings for him. It’s kind of, I dunno… obvious.”

I sigh bitterly. “Fuck me.”

“I know this whole thing is a little unconventional…”

I snort at that. “Understatement of the fucking millennium.”

“Okay, it’s all batshit crazy,” Bree corrects. “But that doesn’t mean it can’t work.”

“It can’t,” I say immediately, refusing to allow even the seed of hope to grow inside me. “It absolutely cannot.”

“Why?”

“If I stay with Isaak, I’ll lose myself, Bree.”

“How do you figure that?”

“He’s… larger than life. He’s powerful and strong and confident. He’s been in control his entire life. And that’s not going to change with me. So it doesn’t matter what I feel or don’t feel for Isaak. He’s taken away my choices. I can’t stay with a man like that.”

“So if he lets you go… ?”

“I’ll go,” I say. “I’ll come back home and be the mother that Jo deserves.”

“And when he finds out about her?”

“I’ll worry about that when I have to.”

I know there are risks to what I’m saying, what I’m proposing. But it’s my life. It’s my daughter. It’s my decision.

Not Bree’s or Isaak’s or anyone else’s. Just me.

So if my sister disagrees, she’s going to give me the space to either prove her wrong or to learn from my mistakes. It’s what you do when you love someone.

It’s not enough that I’m falling for Isaak. I also want him to fall for me in the same way. But I’m just not sure he’s capable of that kind of emotion. He said as much himself.

“Thanks for talking to me,” I say quietly.

“Anytime.”

“Is Jo around?”

“Hold on.”

I hear Bree move her mouth away from the receiver and then she calls for Jo. A minute later, I hear the pitter-patter of my daughter’s feet. They get heavier every year and I’m left scrambling for all that lost time.

“Mommy?”

“Baby,” I coo. “How are you, sweetheart?”

“I’m good,” she replies. “Uncle Jake is going to build a treehouse and we’re all helping.”

“Wow, lucky you.”

“Yeah.”

“How’s school going?”

“It’s fun.”

“Read any new books lately?”

“Aunt Bree read me The Elves and the Shoemaker yesterday.”

“Did you like it?”

“Mhmm. I like the part when the elves see all their presents.”

“That was always my favorite bit of the story, too.”

We keep talking, but I can tell a few minutes in that Jo’s already starting to get distracted. That’s the thing about trying to bond with kids long distance—it just doesn’t work.

They need physical proximity. They need hugs and kisses and quality time. None of which I can give her.

“I bet your uncle and cousins need your help with the treehouse,” I say, letting her off the hook.

“Yeah, I think so.”

That’s my girl. Unfailingly polite. I’d like to take the credit for it, but I know I can’t. All of that goes to my sister.

“Go on, my beautiful girl. Go have fun. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Mommy.”

About two years ago, she stopped asking me when I was coming to see her. Now she just talks to me, says goodbye, and goes back to her life.

Even heartbreak becomes routine if you repeat it enough.

I fight back tears as Jo passes the phone back to Bree and heads off into the backyard to be with her cousins.