Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy #1)(75)

"Spirit, as you've seen, can heal physical injuries. Unfortunately, it's only good on acute injuries. Onetime things. Rose's ankle. The accident wounds. For something chronic - say, a genetic disease like Sandovsky's - continual healings are required. Otherwise it will keep coming back. That's what would happen to me. I need you, Vasilisa. I need you to help me fight this and keep it away. So I can live."

"That still doesn't explain why you took me," she argued. "I would have helped you if you'd asked."

"They never would have let you do it. The school. The council. Once they got over the shock of finding a spirit user, they'd get hung up on ethics. After all, how does one choose who gets to be healed? They'd say it wasn't fair. That it was like playing God. Or else they'd worry about the toll it'd take on you."

She flinched, knowing exactly what toll he referred to.

Seeing her expression, he nodded. "Yes. I won't lie to you. It will be hard. It will exhaust you - mentally and physically. But I must do it. I am sorry. You'll be provided with feeders and other entertainments for your services."

She leapt from the chair. Ben immediately stepped forward and pushed her back into it. "And then what? Are you going to just make me a prisoner here? Your own private nurse?"

He made that annoying open-palmed gesture again. "I'm sorry. I have no choice."

White-hot anger blasted away the fear inside of her. She spoke in a low voice. "Yes. You don't have the choice, because this is me we're talking about."

"It's better for you this way. You know how the others turned out. How Vladimir spent the last of his days stark, raving mad. How Sonya Karp had to be taken away. The trauma you've experienced since the accident comes from more than just your family's loss. It's from using spirit. The accident woke the spirit in you; your fear over seeing Rose dead made it burst out, allowing you to heal her. It forged your bond. And once it's out, you can't put it back. It's a powerful element - but it's also dangerous. Earth users get their power from the earth, air users from the air. But spirit? Where do you think that comes from?"

She glared.

"It comes from you, from your own essence. To heal another, you must give part of yourself. The more you do that, the more it will destroy you over time. You must be noticing that already. I've seen how much certain things upset you, how fragile you are."

"I'm not fragile," snapped Lissa. "And I'm not going to go crazy. I'm going to stop using spirit before things get worse."

He smiled. "Stop using it? You might as well stop breathing. Spirit has its own agenda...You'll always have the urge to help and heal. It's part of you. You resisted the animals, but you didn't think twice about helping Rose. You can't even help compulsion - which spirit also gives you special strength in. And that's how it will always be. You can't avoid spirit. Better to stay here, in isolation, away from further sources of stress. You'd either have become increasingly unstable at the Academy, or they would have put you on some pill that would have made you feel better but stunted your power."

A calm core of confidence settled inside her, one very different from what I'd observed over the last couple of years. "I love you, Uncle Victor, but I'm the one who has to deal with that and decide what to do. Not you. You're making me give up my life for yours. That's not fair."

"It's a matter of which life means more. I love you too. Very much. But the Moroi are falling apart. Our numbers are dropping as we let the Strigoi prey upon us. We used to actively seek them out. Now Tatiana and the other leaders hide away. They keep you and your peers isolated. In the old days, you were trained to fight alongside your guardians! You were taught to use magic as a weapon. Not any longer. We wait. We are victims." As he stared off, both Lissa and I could see how caught up in his passion he was. "I would have changed that if I were king. I would have brought about a revolution the likes of which neither Moroi nor Strigoi have ever seen. I should have been Tatiana's heir. She was ready to name me before they discovered the disease, and then she would not. If I were cured...if I were cured, I could take my rightful place..."

His words triggered something inside of Lissa, a sudden consideration for the state of the Moroi. She'd never contemplated what he'd said, about how different it might be if Moroi and their guardians fought side by side to rid the world of the Strigoi and their evil. It reminded her of Christian and what he'd said about using magic as a weapon too. But even if she did appreciate Victor's convictions, neither of us thought it was worth what he wanted her to do.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry for you. But please don't make me do this."

"I have to."

She looked him straight in the eye. "I won't do it."

He inclined his head, and someone stepped forward from the corner. Another Moroi. No one I knew. Walking around behind Lissa, he untied her hands.

"This is Kenneth." Victor held his hands out toward her free ones. "Please, Vasilisa. Take my hands. Send the magic through me just as you did with Rose."

She shook her head. "No."

His voice was less kindly when he spoke again. "Please. One way or another, you will heal me. I'd rather it be on your terms, not ours."