Until the Day I Die(8)

“You know your mom loves you.”

I roll my eyes. “Thanks. Had you not told me, I would’ve never realized.” I know I’m being a huge brat, and yet I can’t stop myself. I’m so miserable and filled with rage, I can’t form a civil sentence.

He goes on. “And I know this is hard.”

I bite my lip fiercely to keep from crying. I’d rather die than cry, yet again, in front of Ben.

“Your dad—”

“Don’t,” I say. “Do not. Dare. Say another word. I should not be here.”

“I know.”

I can’t help it; my eyebrows shoot up practically to my hairline.

He glances at the open door, like maybe Mom is lurking out in the hall, eavesdropping on our conversation. “But she’s afraid if you don’t do this now, take the scholarship, you may never come back. She thinks you’ll regret it . . .”

Dele comes back in the room, a new girl in tow—she’s tall like Dele but with a blonde pixie cut. Dele introduces her as Rayanne, and the two head to Dele’s bed, where they start giggling and rummaging through some of her stuff. Ben and I go quiet, busying ourselves with other tasks. On their way out, Dele looks hard at me, like she’s expecting a distress signal.

“You okay?” she asks.

I nod vigorously. “Fine.”

“You want to grab pizza later, before the party?”

I’ve been thinking I’m going to bail on the party, but I probably should just bite the bullet and go. At least pretend to take part in the college experience.

“Great,” I say. And with that, the two girls are gone.

I fold my arms and address Ben in a low voice. “What I’ll regret is not being allowed to work at my parents’ company before it’s sold to some giant conglomerate. I want to be home. I want to be doing what Dad used to do. Finishing my father’s work.” My voice cracks on the word father’s.

To my surprise Ben lets out a sympathetic laugh. “Believe me, I have said those exact words to your mother, more than once.”

I can’t hide my surprise. “You have?”

He shuffles his feet. Drops his hands deep in his jeans pockets. “I told her you should take a gap year. That the school would probably hold the scholarship for you, under the circumstances, if that was what you wanted. I told her that you could stay home and work at Jax. That she could travel or just hang out with you.”

I don’t know what to say to all this. Ben Fleming being on my side is not a situation I’ve anticipated. Then, before I can process the strange turn of events, he smiles at me. A slow-growing half smile that lights up his face and makes him look kind of . . . I don’t know, trustworthy. And then I remember how he acted with my mother in the car.

“Shorie?” he says. “I’m going to take care of your mom. Because your father asked me to, and I swore to it. I know what you’ve been thinking about me—I can see it in your eyes. But that’s not how it is. It’s not why I’m here right now.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because your dad wouldn’t have missed this day for the world, and I know I’m not him, but I hope I’m somewhere in the vicinity of the next best thing. I care about you, Shorie. But . . .” He nods, like he’s trying to convince himself to go on. “I’m worried about your mom. She promised me and Sabine and your grandparents that she would take a break, but she hasn’t. She just keeps going and going. Showing up every day, working until late like the early days.”

I don’t reply.

“She’s slipping, Shorie. You see it, I know you do. She’s scattered. Whenever anybody talks to her, she misses half the conversation. Our Monday meetings are a mess. She zones out, messes up numbers, lets important stuff slip through the cracks.”

I think about the constant napping. Her awkward speech at my party. Maybe whatever is wrong with my mother is much bigger than I thought.

“I told her that she was in no shape to make the decision to sell,” Ben goes on. “But your mother is . . . it seems like she’s not in a place where she can take advice. From any of us. We’ve been talking. Me, Sabine, Layton, and your grandparents. Discussing the possibility of getting your mom to go somewhere. For a rest.”

I stare at him. Hearing him say it out loud, directly to my face, is a whole other deal from eavesdropping. I feel shaky just thinking that my mom might be unwell in some way I haven’t fully considered.

“Do you love her?” I say.

Ben’s face flushes. Even the whites of his eyes seem to redden. I’m shocked the words just came out of my mouth, that I actually went there. But I’m not exactly sorry.

He plants his hands on his hips. “We’ve known each other a long time, your mom and I.” He stares at me, and his face looks so guilty, I almost wish I hadn’t said anything.

“You can’t even lie to me about it.”

He raises his arms. “I don’t see the point in lying to you, Shorie. You’re like a human polygraph. I do love your mom, yes, but in a different way than I love my wife. And I promise you, I’m not going to do anything shady.” He scratches his head. “Here’s a secret about being an adult, okay? Relationships are work. There are times when you may feel like there’s a wall between you and your spouse. Or that you’re not close the way you want to be, the way you used to be. But you don’t just give up. You don’t look for an out. You take responsibility. You look at yourself and say, What can I do better? How can I make this marriage better?”