Unplugged (Blue Phoenix, #3)(39)

“You left and I never heard from you until the letter,” he presses.

“I don’t have your number.”

“I was surprised when I heard you’d gone back to Cardiff with your ex.” Liam pauses then adds quietly. “I heard he’s out of the picture now.”

“He’s Ella’s dad; he’ll always be in the picture. We split less than a month after Christmas and this time he was reasonable. This is his place really. I think the reason his family lets us stay is because he’s worried I’ll move away with Ella and he won’t see her. To me, staying in this place is temporary because I need to stand on my own two feet.”

Liam shakes his head. “This is standing on your own two feet, Cerys. You’re looking after a five year old on your own and doing an awesome job by the looks of it.”

“No, I want a job so I can take care of Ella. I’ll start looking once she starts full-time school in September. If I can figure out a way, I want to train to be a nurse. Maybe not now but—”

“A nurse?” interrupts Liam, “Tough job, Cerys.”

“It was what I’d planned before...” I bite back the words. “I paused my life, and now I’m pressing play.”

“You’re amazing,” whispers Liam. “Your strength blew me away when I met you. The fact you let me in just for those few days made me feel special, too.”

I close my eyes. “Don’t, Liam. Please.”

“I have to tell you this, just listen to me and then I’ll go.” His tone is stronger than I’ve heard from him before and quiets me. He rubs a palm across his temples. “I thought it was because of when we were younger and that I was reconnecting with that past because I was pissed off with my present. But it wasn’t. I came home for Christmas; but only when I kissed you, did I feel I’d really come home.”

His words push through my barrier against him and I fight to fix the hole before he finds his way inside. “And then you left.”

“You left.”

“No, when the girl died.”

“Oh. But I came back and you weren’t there.”

“I realised I was living in a fantasy world and went back to my reality, Liam. So did you. After Christmas, we’d have gone our separate ways, even if I hadn’t gone back to Craig.”

Liam leans forward, elbows on his knees. “I’d have taken you with me or made things right for you.”

“What? Don’t be ridiculous!”

“I mean it; I was going to help you. I wanted to stay in your life, get to know you better. You accused me of playing games. You talk about reality. It wasn’t a game and it was real. The beginning of something that could be special, Cerys.”

I grip the coffee cup. “No.”

“No to what?”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t have left it so long. You’d have tried to contact me. Louise has my number.”

“Yeah, right, I’m going to start phoning you when you’re trying to patch things up with your boyfriend of six years.”

He’s right. I stand. “You still went back to Honey. Please, Liam, stop this. I don’t want to think about that time again.”

Shaking his head, Liam presses on. “As soon as I got Ella’s picture everything changed. Then I found out you were on your own again and the thought of marrying another woman went. I wanted you.”

I look down at the sincerity in this man’s eyes, head spinning. “Simple as that?” I say hoarsely.

“No, look at what I did. I f*cked up with the wedding. But I waited afterwards; I didn’t run back here in case I was somehow using you as an excuse to get out of it.”

I make a sound of disgust and pick my cup up. “Thanks.”

Liam stands too. “But that’s the point. A month later and I’m here. I can’t stop thinking about Christmas. About you.”

“So you thought you’d turn up out of the blue and what? Hope I let you into my life? What if I say no? Will you go back to Honey again? I think you’re confused and don’t know what you want.”

Liam sighs. “We should talk about Honey because she’s in the room with us, isn’t she? I want you to hear everything about Honey and me, even stuff other people don’t know. I need you to understand why I chose to do what I did; and why I will never, ever go back to her.”

The vehemence of his tone surprised me. Has he spoken to anyone about this because it sounds like he has a lot bottled inside? “You don’t need to explain to me.”

“I do.” He continues. “I didn’t intend to get married so soon. I told Honey we’d see how things go when we got back together after Christmas; and the next minute, she’s set a date and everything is just careering out of control. There was other shit going on in the band; we were touring, life just passed by. My head was f*cked and I just went with the flow and didn’t think.”

“You don’t get married because you go with the flow! You must’ve loved her!”

Liam shakes his head. “I don’t know if I did. I wanted to love her, but I think I’d been in love with the idea of her. When we first got together, she was sweet and caring, a bit vulnerable; and I wanted to take care of her. I know what everyone was saying about her; but she’s not a stupid airhead. A girl who reinvents herself, moves to LA, and finds her way into the acting and music world is determined and smart. But emotionally, she’s a wreck. She’s insecure and so am I; we helped each other.”