Unforgettable (Cloverleigh Farms #5)(9)

“Why would you feel guilty?” Frannie asked. “You did the right thing.”

I fought a fresh onslaught of tears. “I know. In my head, I know. But something in me still felt like I was shirking my responsibility to this little human life, like I had failed some kind of test of my worth. I was ashamed.”

“I wonder if Tyler ever felt any of that,” said Meg. “If he ever had regrets.”

I shrugged. “Not that I know of. But to be fair, we never talked about it. I don’t know how he ended up feeling.”

Sylvia squeezed my hand. “You were so brave, April.”

“Do you—do you know what happened to the baby?” Frannie asked.

I shook my head. “No. Robin, his mom, offered to keep in touch by sending me updates every six months, or yearly, or however often I chose, but I declined. I knew I couldn’t handle it. She said she understood, but that if I ever changed my mind I could reach out. She left me with her address.”

“Did you ever do it?” Meg wondered.

“Not until now.” Willing myself to be brave, I stood up, went over to the counter, and dug the letter out of my purse. Then I tossed the envelope on the table and sat down again.

My sisters stared at it.

“Are you going to send it?” Chloe asked.

“Maybe.” I stared at it too. “But I’m scared. It will change my life.”

“But isn’t that why you wrote it?” Sylvia asked. “Because you want to change your life? I don’t think you would have brought us all here tonight if you didn’t.”

I struggled with tears, and they let me work through it for a moment.

“Why did you write it, April? I mean, why now?” Frannie asked.

I took a calming breath, in through my nose, out through my mouth, like Prisha had taught me. “First, it was you guys. Watching each of you find your perfect someone over the last year has been both wonderful and lonely. I don’t want you to feel bad about that,” I said quickly, because I could see the anguish taking over their faces. “You deserve to be happy. You worked for it. You put yourselves out there and took risks. I needed to figure out how to do that. I started seeing a therapist, and she’s been wonderful at helping me unpack some of the baggage I’ve kept hidden away. I used to think that what was past was past, but it turns out holding on to a painful secret like that has consequences that stick with you. It makes it impossible to embrace the future.”

“Of course it does.” Frannie had tears in her eyes. “I feel so terrible that you went through this alone for so long.”

“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “It was my choice to keep the secret. And my therapist has shown me how I’ve used that choice to keep myself at a distance from people, not just from you all, but from potential romantic relationships. So my first step had to be talking about that part of my past out loud with someone I trust . . .” I smiled at them. “So here we are.”

Meg smiled across the table, her eyes shining. “I’m so glad you told us.”

“Me too.” Feeling stronger already, I managed a smile. “I’m so tired of being afraid, you guys. I want to be brave enough to face what’s ahead—even seeing Tyler again.”

Every single one of my sisters gasped.

“Oh my God, at Sadie’s wedding!” Frannie squealed, putting both hands over her cheeks. “I didn’t even think about that. He’ll be there because he’s giving her away!” Frannie and Sadie were the same age and had always been friends. She and Mack would be at the wedding.

“Sadie is getting married?” Chloe asked.

“Yes,” I said. “She called me about a month ago. She’s unexpectedly pregnant—kind of a crazy coincidence, I know—but she and her boyfriend want to get married. She said she’s always dreamed of a wedding at Cloverleigh Farms, so on the off chance we had anything available in the near future, she reached out. When I told her we’d had a cancellation in May, she booked it. Her wedding is Saturday night.”

“Wow,” Meg said.

“I didn’t mention anything about it to you guys, because I’ve kind of been processing everything slowly, giving myself a chance to take it all in without freaking out. It would have been really easy for me to hand Sadie’s wedding off to my assistant and not deal with this head on. But I think seeing Tyler again is something I have to do in order to heal.”

“So this will be the first time since . . .” Chloe’s voice trailed off.

“Since that Thanksgiving when I told him I was pregnant. We never spoke after that.”

“Wow. He didn’t even reach out to see if you’d had the baby?” Frannie asked. “Or what it was?”

I shook my head. “No, and I was glad about that. I was struggling to handle my feelings, and hearing from him would have made it worse. For a while, I couldn’t even watch baseball without choking up.” I sat up taller and cleared my throat. “But that was me then. And this is me now.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Sylvia said, sniffling a little.

“Me too,” echoed Meg, then Chloe, then Frannie. Each of them had tears in their eyes.

“Thanks, you guys.” Looking around the table at them, my throat grew so tight I could hardly speak. “That means a lot to me. I feel very lucky to have you on my side.”