Unfinished Ex (Calloway Brothers, #2)(47)

I pull away and nod to the baking pan. “We should eat before it gets cold.”

He pours himself some wine. A very large glass of it. I can tell the news is eating away at him.

This complicates things further. If he did want us to get back together, we may never be able to have children. I could have surgery to remove the scarring, but nothing is guaranteed. I may still have lifelong fertility issues. Will this change things? Do I want it to?

We dish out dinner and sit. “Can you tell me more about when it happened? Was anyone with you? How long did you get to hold him?”

Memories flood me as if it was yesterday. “I was alone. I didn’t have good enough friends yet to confide in, and I hadn’t told anyone here, not even my family. Not until today.”

“I can’t imagine you having to go through it by yourself.”

“The nurses were incredible. Do you know when you have a miscarriage or a stillborn baby in the hospital they put angel wings on your door so nobody assumes it’s a happy occasion? After he was delivered, they took him away, but then one asked if I wanted to see him. I was terrified. What would he look like? Would any parts of him be missing?”

“Jesus.” His eyes fill with tears.

“I can stop.”

“No. I want to hear all of it.”

“I didn’t want to see him, but they talked me into it and said I had better do it soon because his coloring would continue to change. They said it would offer me closure and allow me to start the healing process.” My throat thickens. “They were right. It was the best decision I ever made. I was able to say hello and goodbye to him. I was immersed in the moment, hanging on to the seconds as if they were years. And though I only held him for a few short minutes, they were the best and worst of my life, if that makes any sense. For just a moment, I was a mother—something I never thought I wanted to be. It was surreal. They took the picture. I hugged him. And that was that. They took him away and sent him to be cremated, and I left the hospital with a hollow belly, empty arms, and a memory box.”

“Memory box?”

“It was something the nurses put together. It has his handprints and footprints, a symbolic birth certificate, and the rest of his ashes in it. Sometime later, I added my wedding rings to it.”

“I’d like to see it one day. And”—his voice cracks—“if it’s okay, can I have the rest of the ashes?”

“It’s at my parents’ house.”

He pushes his plate away. “Let’s go.”

“Now?”

“I’m not hungry anymore.”

He strides to the front door with sheer determination. I quickly cover the meal and put it into the fridge. Then we collect Heisman and walk to my house.





Chapter Nineteen



Jaxon




This past week has been incredible. It’s like Nicky and I are teenagers again. We’ve done a lot of sneaking around, mainly because the gossip mill is in full force, and we don’t want to feed it.

Neither one of us has talked about what happens at the end of her contract. We’re either in denial or trying to live in the moment. Maybe it’s a bit of both.

She even showed up at the football game on Friday. She wore a ball cap and stood off to the side so nobody would see her, but I couldn’t have been happier.

“Get your lazy ass off the bed,” I tell Heisman, wondering if he’s ever going to have to find another place to sleep. Nicky hasn’t slept over again, not since we fell asleep on the couch. But that doesn’t mean we haven’t done a lot of bedtime-type things. A lot.

I almost trip over a package on the welcome mat when we go out for our morning walk. “Oh shit,” I say to Heisman, who’s sniffing it. “Is this…?”

Nicky said I could have the rest of the ashes, but she asked if she could do something with them for me. Who was I to deny her? After all, she knows me better than anyone.

“Should I open it now?” I ask my walking partner. He sits. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

We go back inside. It’s a small FedEx package. I have no idea how long it’s been out there. Must have been delivered early this morning. I set it on the coffee table and study it. Saintly Treasures it reads. And it was delivered to Nicky’s parents’ address. She must have dropped it off.

I open it. It’s a box within a box within a box. When I get to the final one, it’s got angel wings on the outside. Angel wings— like the ones Nicky said were on the door of her hospital room. I draw in a deep breath and lift the lid. Inside is a ring. A large, chunky men’s ring. The center of the ring is the same blueish color as Nicky’s pendant. It’s slightly translucent, so you can tell ashes are inside but it’s not obvious. For all anyone knows it could be sand. I remove it from its velvet home and examine the sides. The date she delivered him is on one side. On the other, one word: Billy.

I slip it onto the ring finger of my right hand. It fits me to a T. If I had to pick something out myself, it wouldn’t have even come close to being this amazing. I stare at it knowing she must have pulled some serious strings to get this done so quickly.

“I fucking love that woman,” I tell Heisman. “But don’t go telling her that. I shouldn’t play all my cards just yet.”