Underneath the Sycamore Tree(21)

I wet my bottom lip. “And I stopped feeling bad for him and started blaming him instead. Mama never talked about how hard it was for men to express themselves after that, but I could tell she still believed it. Maybe you’re upset with your father too, but you’re afraid to tell anyone.”

He doesn’t make a single sound, so I turn slightly to him and see his sharp jaw tick. “I know we don’t really know each other, but I know how hard it is to feel like you have nobody to express yourself to. If you want, I can be that person for you. You don’t have to bottle everything up, Kaiden.”

His shoulders go back when I say his name, and ever so slowly he turns his head to meet my eyes. When his gaze locks on my face, I pipe down when I see how dark his expression is.

Reaching out, he gently tugs my face closer to his, leaning in ever so slightly until I can feel his breath on my cheek. My heart is going into overdrive as he brushes the pad of his thumb over my soft skin, leaving a trail of fire scorching the surface.

Suddenly, his caress stops. The darkness in his tight lips meld into morbid humor as they tug upwards at the corners. “That’s just the thing, Mouse. I never wanted a sister. Least of all someone as damaged as you.”

My lips part as he drops his hand and leans back, eyes distant like he didn’t just insult me. Resting back against the tree trunk, he looks out at the field.

Shaking my head, I stand up. “I don’t want a new sibling. That feels like I’m cheating on Logan. All I want is a friend while I’m here, because like it or not you’re stuck with me.”

He scoffs in disbelief. “You can run back to your mom anytime you want. From what I hear, you chose to leave her. Not the other way around.”

He sounds bitter about it. Is that what his problem is? “Not everything is so black and white. My choice to leave wasn’t an easy one to make.”

“You still left.”

My eye twitches. “It was for the best.”

“For who?” He finally looks at me, challenge flaring in his eyes. “You spew bullshit about men struggling with grief and their feelings, but what about your mom? You left her behind when she’s at her weakest. You have a place to live, someone who needs you, and you fucking left her.”

My fists clench at my sides. “I want to go home, Kaiden.”

Nothing.

“Kaiden—”

He bolts up and gets in my face, causing me to flinch back. A headache builds, radiating in my skull and making its presence known. “I could leave you here if I wanted. You know that, right? You have no friends. You have nobody to rescue you.”

Because you told everyone at school not to associate with me! I want to scream at him.

If there was even one person who would give me the time of day while we’re trapped in desks with the smell of dry erase markers permeating the air, it would make things easier. Even him, the very asshole who cemented my isolation, I would appreciate a simple smile from where others could see.

“Your point?” I whisper.

“I’m sure you had someone before.”

Before Exeter.

“I did.”

I had Lo.

“Then go back to them.”

If only it were that easy…

“I can’t.”

Hesitation. “Sucks to be you.”

At first, I think he’s going to leave me. He pulls his keys from his pockets and starts walking back up toward the car parked in the distance without a word.

Then he slows, and without another glance back at me says, “Are you coming or not? I don’t have all day.”

Kaiden can pretend he doesn’t care.

That he doesn’t want anyone.

But I’ll change his mind.





Chapter Eight





I dream of Logan. I can’t see her, but I can sense her presence and hear her laughter. At one point, I think I can feel her. Like when she’d grab my hand and lead us into the woods.

Then it all changes. My sister is nowhere to be seen, but Mama is. Her eyes are golden as she reaches out to me, but she doesn’t call me Emery. She tries holding my hand, but there’s nothing to latch onto. It makes her cry harder when she realizes Logan is untouchable.

I wake up with tears streaming down my cheeks. Furiously, I wipe them away and feel the heaviness settle in my chest. Glancing at the clock, I frown and realize I have time before I need to be up for school.

I think about what Kaiden said to me regarding Mama. I know how sad she is over Lo, so I thought leaving was for the best. Seeing me made her worse, and I wanted her to feel better and figure out her life without me burdening it more. Maybe I should have stayed, endured the torture that seeing me brought her like Grandma suggested.

Then again, Kaiden is no expert. He can’t deal with his own problems, so what makes him entitled to judge me and mine? He deflected his own issues with his father on me, and like always, I let him.

I’ll always feel bad for seeing Mama cry, but I shouldn’t have to carry the weight of burdening her with my absence or I’m damned either way. Plus, Kaiden doesn’t know the whole story. He never asked how Logan died and I never offered the information. He doesn’t know I’m sick or how Mama reacted when I got the official diagnosis.

Kaiden Monroe can pretend he knows everything about people, but he’s the biggest fool of us all. Unlike his blind followers at school, I won’t be so easily convinced he’s who I want influencing my choices. Too many other things already do, so I need what little control I do have to stay in my own hands.