Under Her Care(8)

She’s taken aback. Not what she expected me to say. That’s okay. It’s not what I expected to see. “I didn’t know that.”

“You can’t. You know how when somebody dies in the movies and books, you just peacefully close their eyelids? It’s not like that at all. Oh no, not even a little bit like that.” I shake my head. “I tried to close her eyes. To get those big things to stop looking at us, but every time I pressed the lids down, they just popped right back up.” I swallow hard like the memories are bile I’m trying to keep down.

“Things like this tend to be unsettling that way.” She keeps rearranging her face, trying to find the right expression for this. There is none. She might as well give up.

“Unsettling?” I burst into laughter. I can’t help it. These hysterical shrieks come out of me. This isn’t my laugh. And it’s not funny. But I can’t stop. Ms. Walker looks at me like she’s not sure exactly what’s happening and scans the room for a panic button just in case she’s trapped in here with a crazy woman, which only makes me laugh harder. So hard tears fill my eyes. They roll down my cheeks. And then I’m crying. Sobbing. Soul-racking, soul-sucking sobs.

Ms. Walker slides her chair closer to mine, and the aluminum legs scratch the concrete floor like nails on a chalkboard, sending Mason flying out of his chair and into the corner. He clamps his hands over the noise-reducing headphones he wears on his head twenty-four seven.

“Ma. Ma,” he cries out.

I jump up and scurry over to him, swallowing my sobs like hiccups. His hands never stop moving; they scratch up and down along his arms. He rocks. Perpetual motion to a beat thrumming somewhere inside him.

“Ma. Ma. Ma. Ma,” he calls, even though I’m right here.

I stand beside him and put my hand on his shoulder, giving him a hard squeeze. He doesn’t like them soft. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” I say, even though it’s not true. We’re so far from okay.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle him,” Ms. Walker gushes. She pushes her chair back from the table like she’s going to come over to us, and I quickly shake my head to stop her. Getting close to him isn’t a good idea when he’s like this. She should know better than that.

“You see what this is doing to us? We just want our lives back, and that’s not going to happen until they find the man who attacked Annabelle.” I’ve been saying this for six days. Six days since my world cracked open. It will be another dividing point in time. Life before and life after. I should be used to this by now, but I’m not. “The police need to be doing more to find him. They’re not doing enough. Nobody’s listening to me. Nobody’s taking me seriously. They’re wasting valuable time trying to get Mason to talk when they should be out there looking for him.”

“I’m sure they’re doing all they can. Things like this take time,” she says, settling back into her chair and staying put.

“Do you work with the police a lot?” Mason makes soft grunting noises next to me. That’s a good sign. He’s settling. I pat him twice on the arm. His muscles are less tense.

“This is my first time.” Ms. Walker’s cheeks flush with embarrassment, but I appreciate her honesty. It’s refreshing and exactly what I need. Someone I can trust.

“Are you from the South?” She nods. “So you remember Scarlet?”

“Of course I remember Scarlet.” She springs to life. More animated than she’s been since she stepped into the room. “That was the most terrifying summer of my life. I’ve never been so scared.”

“Right? And none of our parents did anything to make us feel better. There was never any Don’t worry, honey, you’ll be okay. It was always You better get your ass home before the lights go out so that creep doesn’t get you too.” I say it in my best daddy voice. I never had to worry about anyone getting me once I was inside the house. My daddy always slept with a gun underneath his pillow.

“You better get your ass home before the lights go out so that creep doesn’t get you too,” Mason echoes, sounding just like me. Perfect intonation.

Ms. Walker bursts out laughing. She’s got a big laugh for such a small body. “My parents weren’t quite that bad, but they were pretty close.”

“You better get your ass home before the lights go out so that creep doesn’t get you too,” Mason interjects again. Same manner. Same tone.

I hurry to ask my question before he interrupts again. “That other girl? The one who was with Scarlet that night? I think her name was Miranda? Do you have any idea what happened to her? Ever hear anything?”

“I have no idea.” Ms. Walker cocks her head to the side and takes a second to think about it. “I’m pretty sure she left town afterward, though. I don’t remember her doing any interviews or anything like that.”

“I looked her up, but there’s no sign of her anywhere online. She probably changed her name. I bet that’s what she did, don’t you think? Maybe I should change my name too. That way he won’t be able to find us. Or maybe the police can hide us. Do you have to qualify for witness protection programs, or can you just go into them? I—”

She raises her hand to stop my spiral. “It’s going to be okay. I know this is awful and it doesn’t feel okay. It probably feels like the terror is never going to end and you’re always going to be scared, but you’ll get through it. There’s another side to this. Bad things happen all the time, and people get through them.”