Two Boys Kissing(22)

He gets this all from the sound of her voice. The way she’s said his name.

Harry’s parents have never met Craig’s parents. Harry’s mother comes over to Craig’s mother now and introduces herself. She and Smita try to tell her what’s happening. They tell her about the world record. Tell her what Craig and Harry are trying to achieve.

“But I don’t understand,” Craig’s mother says, crying now, too. “I don’t understand.”

Craig can’t bear it. He opens his eyes, looks over to Tariq, who has tears in his own eyes. He mimes writing. Tariq scrambles for a marker and some paper. He runs it over to Craig. All the things Craig has to say boil down to the essential. It’s the thing that neither Smita nor Mrs. Ramirez can say. It’s within everything they’re saying, but they can’t unfold it for Craig’s mother, can’t spell out the foundation.

I’M GAY, MOM. I’M GAY.





Craig rotates his and Harry’s bodies so he’s facing his mother. Then he holds up his shaky sign. He sees her eyes as she understands it. Then, quickly, he writes another sign.

I CAN’T STOP NOW. I’M SORRY.





He is not sorry for being gay, but he is endlessly sorry that this is how she’s found out. Or maybe not found out—she doesn’t seem entirely surprised by the revelation, only in the way it’s being revealed. Only in the way it’s being confirmed. She’s asking Smita if this is Craig’s boyfriend, and Smita, poor friend, doesn’t know what the better answer is, so she goes with the truth and says, no, that’s not what this is about. Harry and Craig are friends. They are kissing to show the world that it’s okay for two boys to kiss.

Mr. Ramirez brings over a chair, so Craig’s mother can sit down.

“It’s a lot to process,” he says.

At this point, some of our mothers would have laughed, would have said, Understatement of the year. Others would have said, Fuck you, and stormed away. Still others did exactly what Craig’s mother does now—falling silent, falling completely into the sound of her own thoughts, which can’t be heard from the outside. Mrs. Ramirez tries to hold her hand, give her support. Craig’s mother pulls her hand away.

Craig is twisting in place, a bystander to one of the most important moments of his life. Harry understands this and loosens his grip. If you need to go, it’s okay. But what can Craig say? And if he lets go now, all of this will have been for nothing. He lets the paper and marker fall to the grass. He wraps his arms around Harry and pulls him in for a real kiss, a true kiss. His tears run down his cheeks, into their mouths.

Don’t let go.

The crowd cheers. Craig and Harry had forgotten they were there.

Tariq can’t stand it. He feels it’s in some way his fault, too.

He plants himself right there in front of Craig’s mother and says, “You need to love him. I don’t care who you thought he was, or who you want him to be, you need to love him exactly as he is because your son is a remarkable human being. You have to understand that.”

And Craig’s mother whispers back, “I know. I know.”

This time it’s Smita who takes her hand, and she doesn’t pull away.

“It’s okay,” Smita says. “He’s fine. Everything’s fine.”

Harry can feel Craig going slack, and catches him. All that tension, suddenly released in sobs. Harry keeps his mouth on top of Craig’s.

They do not break the kiss.





Some of our parents were always on our side. Some of our parents chose to banish us rather than see us for who we were. And some of our parents, when they found out we were sick, stopped being dragons and became dragonslayers instead. Sometimes that’s what it takes—the final battle. But it should take much, much less than that.



For fourteen minutes, she sits in the chair. Watching her son. Watching her son kiss this other boy. Smita does not leave her side, but she doesn’t try to talk to her, either. She lets her take it in. Lets her feel it through.

At first Craig can’t face his mother. He and Harry stand so that she is seeing their profiles, out of their sight lines. But eventually he has to see her. So he shifts them around, dances a quarter turn, and looks at her over Harry’s shoulder. Their eyes meet, and hold for a few seconds as Craig forgets to breathe. They both start crying again, but it doesn’t seem as desperate as before, as devastating.

There are all these moments you don’t think you will survive. And then you survive.

There are so many things Harry wants to say to Craig. All of the comforting words that gather on the inside of his mouth but must remain unsaid. We know how he feels, because we gather those words inside us every single day, knowing what we know now, seeing what we see now. But at least Harry can hold him. At least Harry can give him strength that way. And then he realizes there’s another thing he can do. He makes the sign for phone, and then, after Tariq has given him his phone, he makes the gesture for phone again and points to Craig. Tariq is confused, but Rachel understands. She brings Craig’s phone over to him and opens it to the message page.

Over his shoulder, Harry texts him.

It’s better this way. It’s going to be okay.

Craig texts back:

I think I know that. But it’s hard.