Trouble (Dogwood Lane #3)(63)
The words taste bitter on my tongue. Still, a weight is lifted from my shoulders as I expel the truth to someone for the very first time.
My chest shakes as I drag in uneven breaths.
I called the police on my own father.
I look up at Matt warily. His eyes grow wide as he absorbs this information.
“Penn, man, I had no idea. That must’ve been hard as hell.”
That’s one way to put it.
“Not my favorite memory in the world,” I say. “But after I did it, I drove out to the lake. I didn’t know what to do.”
“Why didn’t you come over?”
“It’s hard to go to someone’s house that has a decent family when yours is as fucked up as mine was. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Penn. You are not your parents.”
I shake my head. “I know that. But I couldn’t put on a face for you and Dane.”
He wants to offer me his sympathy. There’s a reminder coming that everything worked out and my mom died having had a little peace and that I turned out okay. But he keeps it all held back. I’m glad for it.
“I was sitting out there,” I say. “It was Fourth of July weekend. I watched the fireworks and pretended my grandpa was there because he’d understand. I realized he was trying to prepare me for this for years, and I just . . . I felt so fucking alone. I didn’t think anyone would understand.” My lips turn upward. “And then this girl came out of nowhere.”
Matt’s face transforms into shock when he sees where I’m going with this.
“I still don’t know how she found me. No one ever comes down that path, but she did. She had hair the color of coal and the thickest black eyeliner. Her lips were stained like she’d been biting them all day.” I chuckle at the thought of Avery looking like that now. “She was also in the same mood as me.”
“It was Avery?”
“It was Abby,” I say, lifting a brow. “We hung out that night. Talked about our shitty lives and how much our DNA might affect us, whether we had a shot at being normal people or not. And we had sex and she left and all I remember specifically about her was that her name was Abby and she had a pair of dice tattooed on her rib cage. A ‘fuck you’ to her parents, she said.” I tip back the rest of Matt’s beer. “Before she left, she wished me luck and told me, ‘Roll with it.’ I never saw her again.”
Talking about this night with Avery in mind feels too hard to believe. But it’s true. I know it in my gut. It explains so much. Why I was drawn to her in the first place. Why I kept thinking I knew her. Why I felt a connection or some crazy shit with her from day one.
Matt stands up, his hands stuck in his pockets. “And I’m guessing you somehow figured out that Avery was Abby.”
“That’s where you come in.”
“I’m not following you.”
I force a swallow. “What are the odds that Avery would have the exact same tattoo in the exact same spot as Abby?”
“Same numbers?”
“Five and five, and in the exact same position.”
“I mean, I don’t know the exact probability, but it’s not good.” He grimaces. “But I think you know that.”
I toss Matt’s bottle in the trash too.
Even with his validation that I’m not crazy to think she is the same girl as the night on the lake, I can’t make sense of it. Why wouldn’t she say anything to me? She has to remember who I am. How many guys are named Penn, after all?
Because I didn’t lie to her.
That night carried me through the darkest part of my life. If she hadn’t shown up, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I was almost frantic when she arrived, from replaying the call I had just made and understanding the ramifications that would be coming my way.
Would I have done something stupid? Cracked? Acted out? Maybe. I don’t know. But Abby—Avery—showing up gave me something to think about instead.
But now everything feels different, like there’s a cloud that I can’t shake.
“I asked her when I first met her if I knew her, and she acted really weird,” I say. “It’s because I did.”
Matt comes around the table and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You’re going to be okay.”
“Why did she lie to me? Or not tell me? Do you know how stupid I look right now?”
“You always look stupid.” He shoves my shoulder before letting it go. “You just need to talk to her.”
“And say what?” I fight back the urge to get angry again. “She’s always saying how people just want shit from her. I didn’t ask her for anything, and she couldn’t even tell me who she really is.” I snort. “She wants something real. I was a hell of a lot more real than her.”
Matt sighs. “I can’t argue that logic. Hey, look at that. You’re being logical. I’m standing here watching the transformation of Penn Etling. What a day.”
I give him a menacing look, to which he laughs.
“Maybe she figured you’d just think of her like one of your harem.”
“I don’t have a harem,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Maybe she thought it was pointless to rehash that night because you two weren’t going to have anything real together, anyway. You don’t do that kind of thing, and you’ve made sure everyone knows it. Or maybe that night meant something to her, too, and she didn’t want you to make a mockery out of it.”