Too Hot to Handle (Romancing the Clarksons #1)(70)

I think I might leave Jasper worse off than when I arrived. She wanted to say the words out loud, to see if Peggy’s reaction mirrored her own horror at the thought. But saying it out loud might make the possibility real. So she simply allowed the words to continue ricocheting around her head. I should have stayed away from him when he told me his issue with women leaving. I was selfish and when I drive away he won’t be reachable to anyone else. Maybe ever.

“I’m thinking of staying in New York,” Peggy said suddenly. “When we get there. I’m thinking I could spend some time applying to the major department stores. What personal shopper wouldn’t want to work in Saks or Bloomingdale’s or Barneys—am I right?”

Peggy was rambling, meaning she was nervous. More nervous than the news warranted, although it was still a big bombshell. “Okay. That’s a pretty huge move. When did you—”

“I was thinking we could do it together. You know?” Peggy shadowboxed the air. “Two sisters, making it in the big city. Laverne and Shirley with better hair. And hopefully some hotter neighbors.”

Shock struck Rita in the belly, robbing her of speech. Now more than ever, Rita was convinced her mother had had an ulterior motive when she’d made the final wish. The four of them had already begun to drift apart when Miriam got sick, and although their mother made a practice of staying out of her children’s business, it wouldn’t have escaped her notice when they stopped having even the obligatory holiday brunch at Wayfare. Less than a week out of San Diego and her siblings had become less of a mystery. But they were still complicated riddles she hadn’t begun to decipher. Miriam might have forced them into this situation, but she’d done it for a reason.

So why was Rita hesitating? An image of their imaginary apartment rolled to the front of her mind. Half pink, frilly pandemonium. Half dark and eclectic. Loud pop music that Rita would be forced to drown out with Black Sabbath. It would be a nightmare. It would be—the chance of a lifetime to get closer to the sister she barely knew. To find out why Peggy—the type of woman any man would want to nail down—was carrying a torch for one who apparently didn’t want her in return.

The longer she went without answering, the more Peggy withdrew, growing quiet and staring out into the parking lot without her signature smile. “I guess that’s a no.”

“It’s not a no,” Rita rushed to say. “You’ve just had more time to think about it than me. Like…a whole three days…”

“Well, there’s a roundabout way of saying I’m impulsive.”

Rita stopped outside Aaron and Belmont’s door, tugging her sister to a stop before she could knock. “It’s a great fucking idea, Peggy, just let me think.” The inside of her throat felt itchy. “I’m just…I’m having a hard time thinking past tonight. Once we get back on the road, things will be different.”

Peggy’s gaze was suddenly wiser than Rita had ever seen it. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

Behind Peggy, the door swung open to reveal Aaron. The swelling in his cheek had gone down, along with a hint of his outward ego, it seemed, after last night. He gave Rita a brisk nod before ruffling Peggy’s hair. “What are you two squawking about out here?”

“Nothing,” Peggy chirped. “Just getting back on the road.”

Aaron stepped aside, signaling they should enter his room. “Yeah. I guess we’ve all been thinking about it.”

Rita stepped across the threshold, aware that it was her first time in Aaron and Belmont’s room, while Peggy had probably been in there countless times. Both sides of the space were meticulously clean, although Belmont’s was tidy to the point of not even looking slept in. Maybe the divide between the two brothers was invisible, but it was there in the air, hanging down, like jungle vines. Just another reminder to Rita how much she had left to find out about her family. What had Belmont and Aaron been avoiding speaking about for so long?

“Do you have a game plan for Iowa?” Rita asked, sitting down on the corner of Belmont’s bed. “Besides show up and be charming?”

Aaron smirked while uncapping a bottle of water. “That’s been enough to work for me in the past.” He gulped a sip. “But, yeah. Not anymore. Not after San Diego.”

Peggy flopped down beside Rita. “You going to tell us what happened?”

“Nope. Although you’ll find out once we hit Iowa. Shit tends to follow you around in politics.” He shifted in his loafers. “I’ll be glad to have you both there. Climbing my way back into the fold isn’t going to be easy.”

Rita felt Peggy glance over at her but didn’t look back. Instead, she focused on her brother, the unnatural tension in his shoulders, the set of his jaw. “You sure that fold is somewhere you want to be, Aaron?”

“Of course it is.” His sharp gaze lifted. “I don’t fit anywhere else.”

“Maybe we were never meant to fit in,” Rita murmured up at the ceiling. “Maybe it’s a good thing.”

Rita thought of the way Jasper’s kitchen had embraced her. Thought of the sense of coming home when she’d walked into Buried Treasure. When she’d stood on the mesa’s edge, looking out at the desert. Lying in the grass of Jasper’s backyard. So many times since crossing Hurley’s county line, she’d faced an odd sense of adjustment. Almost uncomfortable. But, just as often, she’d experienced the sensation of sinking into a warm bath. There was no way to judge the effect of three days anywhere, though. Doing so would be silly. Giving up everything for a fling, knowing damn well there was a major possibility she could disappoint Jasper, would be shortsighted. This trip with her siblings, this promise to her mother—it was where she needed to be. She owed it to Miriam. Owed it to them. Owed it to herself.