To Love and Be Loved(63)

‘I can’t wait.’ Ruby looked up and reached out, taking the mug of tea from Merrin’s hand. ‘I can’t wait to become a mum.’

Bella nodded. ‘I joke, Rubes, and you know things have been shit for me, but’ – she stared at the face of her baby boy – ‘the way I love him: it’s like nothing on earth.’

‘And it doesn’t fade, Bella,’ her mum added, taking in both of her girls. ‘It never fades.’

Merrin felt a flush of guilt, knowing her mum missed her on a daily basis and wishing things weren’t so complicated.

‘And what about how you feel towards Dad. Has that ever faded?’ How had her mother felt reassured enough to take the leap? Ruby, too. Merrin was intrigued, having seen first-hand how very wrong it could go and how damaging it could be.

‘Oh, goodness.’ Her mum held the curling tongs still and looked towards the sea, gently shaking her head. ‘Your dad is . . . well, he’s part of me. I loved him completely from the beginning and something that’s complete is, I think, perfect. God knows it’s not always an easy life.’

They all laughed.

‘But it’s the only life I’d choose. I can’t imagine not being his wife and I can’t imagine any sort of happy life without him in it.’

Merrin felt the pull of tears, sick at just how wrong she had got it with Digby.

Suddenly the door to the cottage flew open, and there stood her dad in his underpants and t-shirt with a pint glass in his hand.

‘For the love of God, Ben! Where’s your trousers?’ Heather barked at her grinning husband.

‘I lost ’em. Long story!’ He turned back to the cobbles to catch the eye of Jarvis, Miguel and Robin, who had collapsed on to each other in fits of laughter. ‘You ladies carry on! I’m not staying, just come back for some fresh clothes.’ He winked at his wife and ran up the stairs.

‘I take it all back.’ Her mum sighed, as she again picked up a section of Ruby’s hair. ‘The man’s an idiot!’

Once the men were again secreted back inside the pub, Merrin rocked baby Glynn to sleep. It felt lovely to hold the little one as he slept trustingly in her arms, comforting in a way she hadn’t expected. Feelings of loss bubbled to the surface; this should have been her, at home with a baby, married and living up the hill at the Old Rectory. Her level of fragility floored her even after all this time.

‘I’d better get him home.’ Bella took the sleeping bundle from her friend and placed him snugly inside the sling now placed around her body.

‘Will we see you later, Bells?’ Ruby asked from the chair, where she was admiring her fancy hair-do in a hand-held mirror.

‘No, I don’t think so. But I’ll be here bright and early in the morning. Mum’s going to have the little ’un and I’ll express milk so she can feed him. Then she’ll bring him to the church.’

‘Smashing.’ Her mum smiled. ‘It’s so exciting! See you in the morning, Bells, and night-night, baby boy!’ She blew a kiss.

‘Merrin, if you fancy a walk, love, we’re nearly out of tea bags.’ Her mum nodded her head matter-of-factly towards the larder.

‘Oh.’ The thought of heading out into the village was almost paralysing. ‘Did . . . did you want to go, Rubes – get some fresh air? I could stay and chat to Mum?’

‘I ain’t going out! Don’t want Jarv or anyone else seeing my hair! Plus, Mum’s going to paint my nails now.’

Heather gave a false grin.

‘I’ll walk up with you, Merry, as far as I can?’ Bella held her eye.

Feeling a little bit cornered and a whole lot anxious, Merry closed the door behind the two of them, stopping by the gate to take in the view of the bay. It was more beautiful in person. Her memory had not done it justice or, more accurately, her memory could not perfectly capture how it felt to look at it. There was something about the landscape that she knew would always affect her like no other because this was where her heritage lay.

Dusk was falling as they strolled slowly up the coastal path. Merrin breathed in the fragrant sea air and felt it help soothe her troubled mind. She might not wake here every day, might be living far away, but Port Charles would always, always, be her home.

‘Do you know how lovely it is just to see your face here?’ Bella called over her shoulder, drawing her from her thoughts. ‘It’s like, now you’re back, all is right with the world.’ She cradled Glynn’s head against her. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘And me you.’ Merrin pushed her hands into her pockets to stop them shaking and looked up over the path to check no one was coming.

‘So what’s the deal with you and Miguel?’ Bella asked casually.

‘What d’you mean?’

Bella stopped. ‘I mean, I can’t put my finger on it, but I don’t think you’re . . .’

‘Don’t think I’m what?’ Merrin felt the blush on her cheeks as if being accused of something heinous.

Bella took her time. ‘I know you, Merry Mercy Kellow. I’ve known you my whole life and I know when something is making you fizz with happiness, and I know when you’re going through the motions.’

‘You think I’m going through the motions?’ She couldn’t disguise her discomfort at the topic or the whiff of truth that went with it, feeling her face colour.