To Love and Be Loved(11)

‘How do you know, Merry?’ Bella’s question was genuine, with no hint of her comedic tone.

Merrin took a breath. ‘It’s hard to put into words, but I just do.’

‘She’s right,’ her gran chimed. ‘It’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach and a confidence that comes with it. It’s so strong you’d ditch your whole family and all you know just for the feel of their arms around you.’

Merrin smiled warmly at her gran, knowing she could not have put it better herself.

‘Was it like that for you and Arthur, Ellen?’ Heather asked softly.

‘No, ’twas not!’ Ellen Kellow spat, and everyone laughed.

Merrin took her time. ‘I know Digby’s the one, and I’ve known it since that first date, that first contact.’

‘That first sexy time?’ Bella yelled, and even Ellen laughed.

Merrin tutted, but the truth was yes, especially then. She closed her eyes briefly, picturing the face of the man who today would become her husband.





CHAPTER THREE


JARVIS

Jarvis Cardy had woken early. No matter the day, week or month, rain or shine, hail, thunder, snow or a summer’s morn, he always woke a little before five a.m. It was the fisherman’s curse and he was unable to adjust his body clock when on land; his mind alert and ready to work at the ungodly hour. He had gripped the side of the bed and taken a second to establish whether he was rolling on a wave or on solid ground, thankful for the soft resistance of his mattress.

Not that he’d slept very well. It had been a fretful night of discomfort, as his body twitched and his thoughts raced. He’d climbed from his single bed and pushed open the double doors that led to the flat iron railing of the Juliet balcony. This room at the top of his mother’s house on the corner of Lamp Hill was his haven. Ben, Robin and he had renovated it some five years ago when his dad had packed a bag and left. Jarvis, then aged sixteen, had been lost, bereft.

Now, with that particular sadness behind him, he could see that smashing up through the plaster board and turning the attic space into his own private floor had not only been good for him, giving him physical separation from the rest of the house, but it was also vital for his mental health. And not to mention the perfect distraction, as thoughts of his absent dad were buried under the hauling of lumber, the sawing of wood, the hammering of nails, the laying of the floor and the painting of walls. His anger was taken out on joists, lumps of metal and vigorously mixed buckets of plaster. When he’d woken after that first night in his new room and stood at this window, looking out through the gap between the church spire of St Michael’s and the tall houses of Fore Street, he could see the cove, the sea and the bend of Kellow Cottages, where Merrin lived. He felt then pretty much as he did now, relieved that no matter what turmoil might come along and rob him of decent sleep, the world outside his window was unchanged.

‘Tea, love.’ His mum spoke as she knocked and entered his room, the creak of the floor overhead the indicator that her son was awake.

‘Thanks.’ He took the mug into his palms, grateful.

‘How you feeling?’ She studied his face in the way that irritated him, made him feel like a child.

‘I’m fine.’

‘You don’t look fine.’ Nancy let her eyes crinkle empathetically. ‘You look sad, and that’s okay. When your heart hurts, it’s okay to say so. You don’t have to be the big man all the time.’

‘I don’t think I am a big man.’ He held her gaze, as if her words were accusations.

‘But that’s just it, Jarvis, you are. You have the biggest heart and the kindest nature of any man I know. I’m so proud of you. But it’s still okay to feel sad. It only makes you human, and your humanity is one of the things I admire most about you. You’re smashing. Don’t ever forget that. And’ – she took a breath, a clue that what came next might be more important than the usual small talk she liked to fill the air with – ‘when you give your heart to someone, not that I want you to be in a hurry to do that,’ she emphasised, ‘make sure you give it to someone worthy. Someone who thinks you’re as lovely and as special as I do. I think anything less would be a great shame.’

‘Thanks, Mum.’ He sipped his tea, feeling guilty that he had sniped.

‘Is there anything you want to talk about right now?’ she asked, turning on her heel, as if second-guessing his response.

‘Nope.’ He turned back to the view.

‘You know, love, no matter how bad a day seems or how much you feel stuck, the sun always rises and with it comes a brand-new day with brand-new possibilities. Things can change in a heartbeat.’ She clicked her fingers.

‘Yep.’

‘It’s true. When . . . when your dad left, I felt like my heart had been shredded; I didn’t know how to stand up, how to breathe. I fell down.’

He nodded. He remembered every single second of it. Her distress floating from beneath her bedroom door and how helpless he had been to fix things, and how that helplessness had balled in his gut and made him feel both empty and full at the same time.

‘And then, last year when he came back, wanting to give things another go, saying he’d had a change of heart, again, and that he would like to come home.’ Her voice cracked. ‘Do you remember what I did? What I said?’