To Have and to Hoax(22)

“I shall just tell him that I want someone who has nothing to do with the Audley family,” Violet said, waving a spoon dismissively. “He won’t question me overmuch after I tell him that.”

“What a pleasant time the two of you must have of it,” Diana said, shaking her head. “Tell me, at mealtimes, do you slice your meat with great gusto whilst staring at your husband menacingly across the table?”

“Only on special occasions,” Violet said, refusing to rise to the bait. “But the fact remains, if I want to give James what for, I’ll need a physician at some point.”

“Or someone who looks like a physician,” Emily said thoughtfully, surprising Violet—she had rather expected Emily to be the one who objected more strenuously to all this.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ll struggle to find a physician willing to lie to a lady’s husband, especially when the husband in question is the second son of a duke,” Emily said. She took a bite of her ice. “So you might be better served by finding someone who could pose as a physician.”

“What, an actor?” Violet asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Certainly not,” Emily said, blushing. “The very idea! It would be most inappropriate for a lady of your breeding to even be in the company of an actor, there’s no one who—”

“Wait,” Diana said, her eyes lighting up. “There’s one actor whose company would be acceptable.”

“Who?” Emily asked, her tone highly skeptical. “Violet’s reputation would be compromised if she were seen in the company of anyone involved with the theater. And it’s not as though actors tend to frequent Wednesday nights at Almack’s.”

“Lucky them,” Violet murmured.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Diana said gleefully. “There’s one who does. Well,” she amended, “probably not Almack’s, because no one in their right mind would choose to go there. But there is one person involved with the theater who has entrée to places we can reach him.”

Violet leaned forward, intrigued. “Diana, I do believe your penchant for gossip is finally proving useful.”

“Indeed,” Diana said smugly. “I take it you two do not recall the scandal of the Marquess of Eastvale’s son?”

Violet took a thoughtful bite of ice. The name sounded familiar, somehow—beyond the routine familiarity every member of the aristocracy had with the families listed in Debrett’s. What was it? She gasped.

“Julian Belfry?” she asked. “Oh, Diana, you are brilliant at times, I must admit.”

“Who is Julian Belfry?” Emily asked, frowning.

“Don’t you recall the story?” Violet asked. “It was a few years ago—during your second Season, perhaps? He’s the second son of a marquess and instead of joining the military or the clergy—”

“Or raising a stable full of horses,” Diana added dryly.

“—he started his own theater with the inheritance left him by a relative. I don’t recall all the precise details,” Violet said, waving her hand impatiently. “But it was quite a scandal—his father hasn’t spoken his name since the day he received word of the purchase of the theater. He was a couple of years ahead of James and Penvale and Jeremy at Oxford,” she said, and then her face fell as a realization dawned on her. “Oh, but Diana, he won’t do at all! James knows him! He’ll see through any ruse in an instant.”

“Are they closely acquainted?” Diana asked.

“No,” Violet said, drawing out the syllable as she thought, trying to recall mentions of him James had made in passing. “I don’t know that they were ever particularly intimate.”

“And Belfry is supposed to be quite the actor, isn’t he?” Diana pressed. “Performs in many of the productions at his own theater? It’s all part of the scandal surrounding him, is it not?”

“Well, yes—”

“Then I don’t think it will be a problem,” Diana said dismissively. “Any actor worth his salt must be possessed of a few clever costumes—and men never see anything other than they’re expecting to. Audley won’t notice a thing.”

“Much as it pains me to admit this, James isn’t entirely unintelligent,” Violet said. “I don’t know if this will work.”

“Well, do you have a better idea?” Diana asked impatiently.

“Not at present,” Violet admitted.

“Then it’s worth a try, I say.”

“It’s rather easy for you to say, when you won’t be the one running the risk of being caught out by your husband in a blatant lie,” Violet said peevishly.

In response to this, Diana played her trump card. She placed a hand dramatically upon her breast, heaving a deep sigh. “Of course, you are correct,” she said mournfully. “What wouldn’t I give to have my own dear husband here, primed to serve as the target of such a scheme?” She blinked as though fighting back tears, though her eyes looked suspiciously clear. “But of course, I am a widow now, and must live vicariously though my beloved friends to fill my long, sorrowful days—”

“Enough,” Violet said, feeling it best to interrupt before Diana really got into the spirit of the thing. “I’ll do it, I’ll do it. But if this all goes disastrously awry, I shall be laying the blame squarely at your feet.”