Tied with Me (With Me in Seattle, #6)(69)

“Why do I feel like I’ve come in on the middle of a conversation?” I ask in frustration. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Do you want kids?” she asks desperately.

“Sure. Eventually.”

“See?” She throws her arms in a wide circle and begins to pace around the room again. “I mean, I know that talking about kids now would have most men already through the door and running down the block, but you see what I mean.”

“No, honestly, I don’t see anything at all. I have no idea what in the bloody f*ck you’re talking about.”

She sighs and scrubs her hands over her face then looks me in the eye just as a tear slips down her cheek, almost sending me to my knees.

“Baby…” I begin, but she quickly backs away with her hands up in front of her.

“Don’t.”

“You have got to talk to me, Nicole.”

“I know I just…” She combs her fingers through her sweat-dampened hair and paces around her living room, then stops and props her hands on her hips. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t.”

“You can do better,” I growl and narrow my eyes.

“I am not what you need or want.”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise and then let out a laugh. “Have you been hanging out with me lately, Nic? ’Cause I beg to differ.”

“I need to be in control. I don’t have a rich family to fall back on if this bakery doesn’t work out. I don’t have people around me to pick up the pieces if my health fails.”

“You could.”

She stops cold and stares at me, her mouth opening and closing, and then she just gets even angrier. “Oh, so now you’re proposing? What the f*ck?”

“Nic, I need you to be very specific here. Are you saying you don’t feel anything for me?” Because if she is, she’s a motherf*cking liar.

“I feel too f*cking much!” she explodes. “I feel everything! And I’m not talking about the palm of your hand on my ass!”

“So you don’t want a kinky relationship? Is that what has you running? I felt your hesitation when I tied your hands last night.”

“No!” She drops down into her chair and hangs her head in her hands in defeat. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“I’m so lost, I don’t know what the f*ck is happening, Nic. Work with me here.”

“I can’t give you a family, Matt. Ever.”

I frown and watch her as she raises her defeated eyes to mine. “I don’t understand.”

“I told you about my health issues.”

I nod, still trying to connect the dots.

“I can’t have babies.”

“Diabetics have healthy babies every day, Nicole.”

She shakes her head and laughs humorlessly. “I also have the PCOS.”

“The reason you’re on the pill.” I nod, remembering.

“I don’t need the pill for birth control, Matt. The PCOS is my birth control. With that combined with the diabetes, a pregnancy is not a good idea for me. If I happened to get pregnant by some miracle, the pregnancy would be high-risk and difficult.”

“Okay.” I shrug. “What does this have to do with us?”

“Have you not been listening?” She looks at me like I’m an idiot, and I scowl back at her.

“You can’t have children. Although, I think there might be ways around that, with as far as medical science has come, but even if that’s true, why can’t we be together?”

“Because I can’t give you what you deserve!”

“What I deserve?” My blood is heating now. “What, exactly, do you think I deserve, Nicole?”

“A nice, submissive woman who can give you lots of babies and live happily ever after,” she whispers, not meeting my gaze.

I sit in the chair opposite her and stare at her for a long minute.

“Are you f*cking kidding me?”


“No.” She shakes her head and clasps her hands together. “I love you enough to let you go and to find that person who can give you those things.”

“You know what, Nic? No one likes a f*cking martyr.”

Her gaze whips up in shock. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Who the f*ck are you to decide what I need and want?”

She stands to get in my face. “Well, isn’t that just f*cking hypocritical?”

I stand and clench my fists at my sides, glaring at her, trying to ignore the gaping hole in my chest where my heart once was.

“I’ve always been one thousand percent honest with you, Nic. While you’ve only shared what was convenient or I ripped out of you. I told you from the beginning, trust is imperative in this relationship.”

I advance on her, not touching her, and push my face within inches of hers. “It’s my f*cking job to keep you safe, and knowing what you need and want is a part of that. I’m in love with you. You need time to get your head on straight? Fine. I’ll leave you alone for now, but I’m telling you right now, you are mine. Nothing will ever change that.”

“I’m saying red,” she whispers.