Through My Window(Hidalgos #1)(92)

And I’m not talking about her looking at me. She looked right through me. She came to me with such pure feelings, with such a beautiful, easy-to-read face, that it left me speechless. Raquel has always been so true and transparent in her reactions. I didn’t think people like that existed.

She, who doesn’t even know how pretty she is, told me so confidently that I was going to fall in love with her. She, who worked hard to buy the things she wanted, has always been lonely because of her dad’s absence and her mom’s job. She, who has been through so much shit with me . . .

She’s still smiling with all her heart.

And it’s a smile that disarms me and makes me believe that everything is possible. And that I will be a great doctor someday. Maybe no one in my family supports me or believes in me, but she does.

And that’s more than enough.





FORTY-SIX


   The Forgiveness



- RAQUEL -


   New Year’s Eve




Time flies by.

After Halloween, Ares and I hung out several times a week before he went on a Thanksgiving trip with his family. The more time I spent with him, the more I got to know him. I was able to catch those little things, like what a perfectionist he is whenever he does something for school, or how responsible he is with his soccer team, never once missing practice and always giving his best. Ares has amazing discipline, and it’s kind of rubbing off on me. Not that I’m undisciplined, but I could definitely work on being on top of things like he is.

And what better example is there than what I’m doing right now: trying to write an essay I should have submitted before Christmas break. My literature teacher gave me extra time to work on it; however, it’s not coming along well. Yoshi used to be the one helping me with essays. God, I miss him. The worst part is that from all the topics offered, I chose to write on forgiveness. I’m an idiot. I start typing on the Notes app on my phone: I’m sorry . . .

Forgive me . . .

I never meant to hurt you.

I don’t know what I was thinking.

Asking for forgiveness can be so difficult. It requires maturity and courage. Admitting that you were wrong means facing yourself. It means facing the fact that you are not perfect and never will be, and that you are capable of making mistakes like everyone else.

To make mistakes is part of being human, to admit them is part of being brave.

The worst mistakes are those that you can’t erase. No matter if someone apologizes, no matter how much they do, it leaves a scar on your heart. Scars that still hurt when you remember them.

I stop because I’m getting emotional. New Year’s Eve has a way of making me feel sensitive, of making me reflect on everything I’ve done, and what I haven’t. I’ve been through so much this year, and the last six months have been a roller coaster of emotions for me.

“Put the phone away,” my mom demands with a sigh.

The clock shows 11:55 p.m. My eyes fill with tears, and it doesn’t surprise anyone. I’ve always cried when midnight approaches on New Year’s Eve, whether out of sadness, joy, nostalgia, or a combination of emotions that even I can’t figure out.

My mother puts her arm over my shoulder to hug me sideways. We’re sitting on the couch at her closest friend’s house. Helena has a large family, and we always spend New Year’s Eve with them. I guess my mother has never liked the idea of us spending it alone, and neither do I. My mother caresses my arm, resting her chin on my head.

“One more year, baby.”

“One more year, Mommy.”

Helena appears in front of us, holding her three-year-old grandson in her arms.

“Come on, stand up, it’s time for the count.”

There are about fifteen people in this small room. The host on the TV screen starts counting backward.

Ten . . .

Dani’s laughter . . .

Nine . . .

Carlos’s foolishness . . .

Eight . . .

Yoshi’s nerdy arguments . . .

Seven . . .

Apolo’s innocence . . .

Six . . .

My mother’s disappointment . . .

Five . . .

Ares’s hurtful words . . .

Four . . .

Ares’s sweet words . . .

Three . . .

His beautiful smile when he wakes up . . .

Two . . .

The deep blue of his eyes . . .

One . . .

I love you, Witch.

“Happy New Year!”

Everyone is shouting, hugging, celebrating, and I can’t help but smile, even though thick tears are streaming down my cheeks.

I miss Ares a lot. He’s spending Christmas and New Year’s on an exotic beach in Greece because, apparently, they have family there. I couldn’t help teasing him about the Greek gods going to Greece. Ares asked me over and over again if I wanted him to stay, but how could I allow myself to take time with his family away from him? I’m not that selfish.

My mother hugs me, bringing me back to reality.

“Happy New Year, beautiful! I love you so much.” I return the hug. Our relationship is still a bit broken, but we’re working on it. Of course, I haven’t told her yet that Ares and I are dating. I’m taking it one step at a time. Ares called me hours ago to wish me a happy New Year, the time difference taking its toll.