Through My Window(Hidalgos #1)(42)

I need to get out of here.

I need to get away from her.

What the hell was I thinking?

Grabbing my clothes from the floor, I quickly put on my boxers and shorts. I leave my room, careful not to wake her up. I don’t want to face her; I can’t face her expectations of me and break her heart again. I can’t make her cry and watch her walk away from me, not again.

Then get back in there.

The voice of my conscience reproaches me, but I can’t do that either. I’m not what she expects, or what she needs. I can’t play at having a relationship with someone when I don’t believe in that shit, because sooner or later I’ll end up hurting her and ruining a nice girl who doesn’t deserve it.

If I know I can’t give her what she wants, why do I keep luring her to me? Why can’t I let her go? Because I’m a selfish fucker, that’s why, because just imagining her with someone else makes my blood boil. I can’t be with her, but I won’t let her be with anyone else either.

I head down the stairs, running, and grab the keys to the car.

Run, like the selfish coward you are.

I’m about to grab the doorknob when I hear someone clearing their throat. I turn to see Artemis sitting on the couch wearing sports clothes. He must have just come in from his morning workout.

“Where are you going looking like that?”

And that’s when I realize that I’m only wearing shorts, and I don’t even have shoes on.

“Nowhere,” I say quickly.

“Running away?”

“No, I’m still just a little tired.”

Artemis gives me an incredulous look but says nothing. I grab my sneakers from the guest closet in the hallway and pull a sweatshirt on. Claudia appears to ask me what she should tell Raquel.

“Tell her I had to go out and I won’t be back until late,” I whisper to her, holding the keys in my hand. “Tell her to go home.”

I turn my back on them and leave the house. I get into the car, but I don’t turn it on. I just rest my forehead on the steering wheel. I don’t know how much time passes, but when I look up, I see her.

Raquel.

She’s walking out of the house. Her dress is wrinkled and still a little wet from the night before and her hair is in a messy bun. My heart drops to the floor. She shudders, wiping her tear-streaked cheeks. She’s crying.

Ah, God, what are you doing, Ares?

My eyes go down to her feet and I notice that she’s barefoot. She probably couldn’t find her sandals and didn’t want to stay to look for them. I can’t take my eyes off her as she slowly walks away from the house.

I almost go get her, but when my hand falls on the car door handle, I freeze. What am I going to say to her? How am I going to justify myself? I know that if I chase her, I will only hurt her more.

I sit there, not moving, not saying anything. I don’t know how long it takes before I finally get out of the car. My eyes scan the road, but it’s empty. I wish I had said something to her, but I don’t even know what I feel or how to word it. I’m not used to any of this.

A black car pulls up next to me. The rear window rolls down and the scent of expensive perfume hits my nose.

“What are you doing out here, honey?” my mother asks as a false smile forms on my lips.

“I just went for a run.”

“As athletic as ever. Come into the house, I’ve missed you.”

“Of course you missed us.”

She decides to ignore my sarcasm. “Let’s go.”

She rolls up the window, and the car continues into the driveway. With my heart clenched, I take one last look at the street and return to the house.

It’s for the best, I keep repeating over and over inside my head.

I have to greet my parents, the beings who made me the way I am, the ones who are to blame for the fact that I can’t tell the girl I just lost how I feel about her, and that it’s the first time I’ve felt this way.

Ah! Shit! I let out a long sigh and walk into the house.





- RAQUEL -




I keep replaying the moment when I woke up and looked for him, thinking he had gone for breakfast. I was about to go downstairs when I heard him talking to Claudia.

Tell her I had to go out and I won’t be back until late, he said with what sounded like annoyance in his voice. Tell her to go home.

I grimace, feeling the burning pavement under my bare feet, but that pain is no comparison to the one I feel inside.

I was such an idiot.

I can’t stop crying, I can’t stop the tears, and it just makes me feel even more pathetic. I thought this time would be different, and I really believed it. How could I have been so stupid? He would say anything to get inside my pants; that’s all he wanted. How could I let him do this to me again and again?

I think back to his genuine smile, how we talked and laughed yesterday in his bed playing that stupid game, and what we did afterward. I trusted him. And he took that trust and shattered it along with my heart. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me face to face. I wasn’t important enough. He just sent his maid to get rid of me.

Ares can hurt me like no one else, but it’s my fault for giving him that power over me. Ares knows I’m crazy about him and uses that to take advantage of me like the jerk he is. All this time I haven’t really wanted him out of my life. I’ve given him chances, believing in his earnest eyes, and hoping that there is something good behind his facade. But no more.