There's Something About Sweetie(3)

Pinky glared at him. “Nice.”

Elijah made a What? face, and Oliver shook his head and sighed. Pinky turned to Ashish. “Look, if you’re afraid, I can do it for you. I know Dana … sort of.” She took a half step in Dana’s direction.

Ashish grabbed her shoulder. “I’m not afraid, for crap’s sake.”

“Then do it,” Pinky said, crossing her arms. “Right now. You won’t have a better opportunity.” Ashish darted a longing glance at the burritos, and she added, “I’ll save your place in line.”

Ashish adjusted his backpack and surreptitiously wiped his definitely damp palms on his shorts. “Fine. You jerks.” And then he walked over to where Dana sat with the other cheerleaders, dressed in a crop top and amazingly tight jeans. She’d probably end up in the principal’s office over that outfit before the day ended, but that was the cool thing about Dana: She just never gave up.

She looked up as Ashish approached, her face breaking into a smile. Tucking a strand of short blond hair behind one ear, she slid over on the bench. “Ash! Come sit with us.”

Dana had been pretty openly flirty with him at the last few basketball games, even given that he’d been a ball-fumbling shadow of his former shining-captain-of-the-team self. Ashish knew she’d say yes if he asked her. He should ask her. Pinky, Oliver, and Elijah were right: The only way forward was through. He needed to get this first-date-after-Celia thing out of the way. Jeez, it had been three months. It was way past about time.

“Thanks,” Ashish said, sitting. He smiled at her friends Rebecca and Courtney. And then stopped. His smile faded. What was he doing here? His heart was so not into this, it was on another continent entirely. Ashish suddenly felt like a total jackass.

Dana put one hand on his. “Hey, are you okay?” Her blue eyes were soft and open, concerned. Her friends leaned in too.

“Fine,” Ashish mumbled automatically. Then, as if his mouth had been charmed by an evil, sadistic magician, he found himself adding, “Actually, no, I’m not. I got dumped three months ago and last night I found out that she’s making it official with a guy whose parents actually looked at his red, scrunched-up newborn face and said, ‘You know what? This miniature human looks like a Thad Thibodeaux.’ Thad Thibodeaux. I met Thad once at a party, you know. For some reason known only to him, he likes to punctuate every sentence with a thumbs-up sign. And she chose him. Over me. So what does that say about me, exactly? I’m lower on the dating ladder than ‘Thumbs’ Thad Thibodeaux.

“Oh, and let’s not forget that the reason Richmond’s spring basketball league has won any games these past few weeks hasn’t been because of me. It’s been in spite of me. I’ve been performing the same function as that chandelier in the student lounge that doesn’t work. I look pretty but I’m essentially useless. I’d have been more useful serving Gatorade than taking up space on the court. I’m seventeen, and I’m already past my prime.”

Whooooaaaa. Ashish snapped his flapping mouth shut.

Had he seriously, literally just said all that to Damn-Fine Dana and her friends? Ashish thought he should be more embarrassed, but could he really fall any lower? See exhibit A: playing like a JV basketball newb when he was supposed to be the prodigy captain. Or appendix B: being dumped for Thumbs-Up Thad. He’d already scraped the bottom of the barrel. No, scratch that. He hadn’t just scraped it, he was now curled up on its moldy bottom and preparing to take a very long, very soothing nap. Ashish Patel was beyond humiliation.

But Dana didn’t move away with a nervous laugh like he expected. She took her hand off his and wrapped her arms around him instead. “Oh, you poor baby,” she crooned, kind of rocking him. Ashish only vaguely noticed her boobs pressed up against his arm. Meh, boobs, he thought, and then: Oh my God, what has Celia done to me?

“Breakups are the worst,” Rebecca added, reaching over the table to pat his arm. The beads on her braids clicked together. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s totally her loss, Ash,” Courtney said, tossing her curly red hair. “You’re a hottie.”

“Absolutely,” Dana said, letting go of him to take his chin in her hand. “You’re gorgeous.”

Ashish smiled faintly and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I know. But thanks. I just feel really … off.”

“Totally normal,” Dana said, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “But when you’re ready to get some revenge, you just let me know, okay?”

Oh God. The pity in her eyes. He was a charity case. He was a storm-soaked puppy. Ashish sat up straighter and forced a laugh, which came out hollow and fake. “Ah, I’m fine. Really. And I need to get back to my friends.”

With deliberate swagger, he pushed himself off the cafeteria bench and, throwing the best approximation of what Richmond Academy girls called the Ash Smolder their way, sauntered back to his friends.

“So apparently, I was wrong,” Ashish said to them, smiling jauntily for Dana’s benefit, just in case she was still looking at him. “I can sink lower. I’ve broken through the bottom of the barrel to the quicksand below.”

“Dude, what’re you talking about?” Elijah said.

Oliver grinned. “She kissed you, my man. On the cheek, but still. That’s progress.”