The Younger Wife(74)

‘Yes, my love?’ she said, turning.

‘Do you think Stephen is a good man?’

A pause. Heather scanned her face for surprise at the question. And she did find a little. But within a second or two Mary’s comforting knowingness was back. ‘I think he’s a very good man. And he cares a lot about you, Heather.’

Heather nodded. She trusted Mary. And if Mary said Stephen was a good man, he was. That was the end of the story. She guessed she’d have to contact Mary’s friend after all. Because the jury was in . . . and she was clearly crazy.





53


TULLY


Sonny handed Tully a cup of tea and sat down beside her on the floor. The room felt large and echoey without furniture. She and Sonny had been talking for hours, about everything. They’d talked about Dad and Heather, about Fiona Arthur, about the possible abuse – which Sonny didn’t believe. They talked about what happened to Rachel when she was sixteen. They talked about the kleptomania and the hold it had over her. They talked about Tully’s fears about Miles.

Now, Tully sat with her back against the wall and sipped her tea. The boys were in bed, or ‘on their mattresses’ to be more accurate, now that the beds had been taken away. Sonny had put them to bed single-handedly, much to Tully’s frustration.

‘What is wrong with me?’ she demanded. ‘Why is Miles perfect for you but not for me? For me, he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t talk, he doesn’t sleep. He shits on the carpet!’

‘Maybe because he feels safest with you? Maybe with you he feels like he can finally let his guard down.’

For some reason this brought tears to Tully’s eyes.

‘Everyone needs someone with whom they can let their guard down,’ Sonny continued. ‘That said, you’re right, this has been going on for a while. Maybe it’s time to get some outside help.’

Tully nodded. ‘Yes. For me and Miles both.’

Sonny placed his tea on the floor beside him. ‘I wish I’d known how much you’ve been hurting, Tully. I knew you were upset about your mum. And I assumed you weren’t coping too well with your dad remarrying. But you never talked about it, and I was so busy with trying to sort out our financial situation . . . And I can’t even begin to think about the kleptomania. To know that you’ve been doing this for as long as I’ve known you and I didn’t notice . . .’

‘I didn’t let you notice.’

‘Why didn’t you?’ Sonny asked. ‘You used to be honest with me once, didn’t you? At the beginning of our marriage, I loved how vulnerable you were with me. Remember that time you split your pants at the theatre but you still wanted to go to drinks afterwards so I spent the whole night standing right behind you so no one would see your bottom?’

‘You were very unreliable,’ Tully said. ‘Every two seconds I felt a breeze and turned around and you were gone.’

‘And remember right after we were married when you dyed your own hair and it turned orange?’

‘There was nothing funny about that,’ Tully said, appalled. ‘I had to wait two weeks for an appointment to get it fixed!’

‘And during that time, whenever you left the house you wore a woollen hat with all your hair tucked underneath it, which made you look like a homeless bald lunatic! But you insisted it was better than orange hair.’

‘The hat was a fashion statement,’ Tully muttered.

‘One of the things I love about you is how kooky you are. Or at least you used to be. But I’ve seen it less and less. Since we had the boys, it’s been all routines and schedules. You seemed like you had everything under control – always talking about your “game face” and “no chinks in the armour”. But I guess I missed the fact that you didn’t have it all under control. You’ve been handling all this stuff by yourself. No wonder you needed to find ways to cope.’

‘Thank you for saying that,’ Tully said. ‘It means a lot.’

For a moment they were silent.

‘Look at us, sitting here on the floor!’ Sonny said, with a sad laugh.

‘I kind of like it,’ Tully said. ‘It reminds me of when we were starting out and we didn’t have so much to lose.’

‘I guess we’ve come full circle,’ Sonny said.

Tully shook her head. ‘Actually, now I have everything to lose. You. The boys.’

‘You’re not going to lose us,’ Sonny said.

‘I always thought I came from this ideal family. Mum and Dad and Rachel, I mean. I prided myself on it. Now I can’t think of a more dysfunctional one.’

‘There can be pride in dysfunction, Tully,’ Sonny said. ‘If anyone can find pride in dysfunction, it’s you.’

‘But what if it’s more than dysfunction? What if Rachel’s right and Dad was abusing Mum? What if he’s abusing Heather now?’

‘If that’s the case,’ Sonny said, ‘then that’s the next challenge we’ll confront. But you can drop your game face now. I don’t want to see your game face again.’

‘What about chinks in the armour?’ Tully said.

Sonny smiled. ‘The chinks are my favourite thing about you, Tully. From now on,’ he said, ‘I want to see every last one.’