The Winters(66)

She gave me the slightest of smiles. When I stole one more look as I shut the door behind me, she seemed so small. Dani wasn’t “coming around.” She was descending a well of dark thoughts that threatened to consume her, and us.

I looked for Max. I searched all over Asherley, going from room to room. Each was a locus of activity. Florists all around the house were positioning small sprays of tulips, daisies, lilacs on the side tables, country flowers, no roses. Caterers swarmed the kitchen and the outdoor barbecue area. In the great hall, Katya was shooing the cleaning staff into the corners of the house, charging them to leave no spot undusted, no window smudged. I found Louisa in the greenhouse, the place unrecognizable now with dozens of stands of white gladiolas, peonies, and lilies all around the perimeter, the round tables skirted with white tablecloths, silver place settings sparkling in the afternoon sun. She crossed the room towards me, her steps echoing on the raised floor.

“There you are. I know it’s very hot in here but don’t worry, we’re going to crank open those—”

“Have you seen Max?”

“Yes, they’re putting up the smoking canopy near the garage. What’s the matter?”

Without replying, I headed out the back door, ran across the gray-green lawn. Damp heat rose up from the grass; tomorrow called for rain, but it would be warm for April.

From a distance I could see Elias awkwardly manning the portable backhoe, Max hovering over the hole, two men doing a job Gus could have done alone. Max’s dark T-shirt was sticky with sweat, his jeans covered in dirt. I don’t know that I had ever seen him look as attractive.

“Hello!” he yelled over the motor.

“How’s it going?”

“Not well. At the fourth stake we hit a root, I think.”

Elias shut the machine off. “Try again.”

Max took his shovel and stabbed the earth. There was a great clang, a sound that reverberated through my chest.

“Pipe,” Max yelled, scanning the ground as though he could see through the dirt. “The drain for the troughs, I bet. Should we relocate?”

Elias threw his head back in frustration.

Max noticed my filthy hands. “How’s that going? Almost done?”

“Yes. Top coat’s drying. Max, I need to talk to you about Dani.”

“Can it wait?”

“I don’t think so. I—”

Max looked over my shoulder and gave an enthusiastic wave. It was Jonah, carrying a shovel and wearing big black boots.

“There he is, the second person I call when I’m knee-deep in my own shit. I’m sorry, sweetie, what were you saying about Dani?”

“Max, I’m worried—”

Jonah gave me a sturdy pat on my back as he passed. “Excited about tomorrow?”

“Yes. Very much,” I said.

Max swept Jonah into a complicated discussion about where the old plumbing crossed the new, and whether the fourth stake could be sunk farther away or whether that would compromise the tent or whether they’d need to up and move the whole contraption. I saw no way to draw him away from what was clearly an important job they were all intent on tackling.

“Max, I’ll just go,” I said. I turned back to the house.

“Hold on, guys, I’m sorry,” he said, and jogged to catch up to me. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Dani.” Max rolled his eyes. “No, listen. She’s very emotional. She told me she doesn’t think you love her. That you don’t want her to have any friends.”

His shoulders caved forward. “Okay, right now, I don’t love her,” he said, sounding weary rather than angry. “I mean, I love her. Of course I love her. I’d jump in front of a goddamn train for her because she’s my daughter. I’ve sent her flowers. I’ve texted her. I told her she could keep the kitten! But I’m tired of our whole life revolving around her every fucking mood. Besides, teenagers all think their parents hate them. They all feel unloved. I did—though I actually was unloved,” he added with a chuckle.

“But, Max, this is different from her regular poutiness. There’s something really off about her. And she’s really sad about Gus. Maybe we shouldn’t have let him go.”

“I didn’t have a choice.” He lowered his voice. “I’ve been meaning to tell you. In his quarters I found a picture of Dani pinned to the wall next to his bed.”

“What kind of picture?”

“Not a bad picture. One from when she was a toddler. But it gave me pause. So, yeah, I did have to fire him, because I love her and I don’t want Gus around my fifteen-year-old daughter. And I can’t tell her about the photo because it’d make her even more upset.”

He took me by the wrists. “Sweetheart, I’m grateful that you’re concerned about Dani. I really am. It might be the single most important reason why I am marrying you. You understand how troubled she is, and why I’ve kept so much from her, especially”—he looked over his shoulder—“about her mother. But Dani Winter does not suffer from a shortage of love. Quite the opposite. I love her too much. I’ve let her get away with a lot of things that have made your life here miserable. And she’s done this before, retreated from family life, lashed out. I promise you she knows exactly how much I love her. So she’s not testing me with this. She’s testing you. And the way to pass this test is to try to enjoy your big day. Okay?” He glanced over at Eli and Jonah trying to maneuver the tent rope and pole. “I really have to—”