The Wife Before Me(89)
Fifty-One
When she realised she was pregnant, and that she had no idea if this new life had been conceived in love or violence, Amelia was conscious of only one emotion. To protect her child was all that mattered to her. To do so, she must create a secure space where both of them could be safe from Nicholas. If she ran away from him, she knew with absolute certainty that he would not rest until he found her again. She must disappear, leave no trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow, but, if she had to vanish without trace, she must first overcome her fear of the ocean. Only then could she lay claim to the new future that Leanne had offered her.
Jay did not know the true reason why Amelia had chosen to embark on such a dangerous subterfuge. The scars on her arms had healed but the internal ones would never fade. She had struggled to overcome the blur of amnesia that followed that lost night when Nicholas cut into her flesh and branded her as his own. That other night– those passionate hours she had spent in Jay’s arms–she could remember every blissful moment of their time together. Dawn had been rising over Woodbine when he parted reluctantly from her and returned to his life in California. He had been unaware of the legacy he could have left behind him and this still remained the case. If he suspected the truth, and the possibility that he could become a father – or even if he had not fathered her child – he would try to persuade her to leave with him. Her husband had the instincts of a tracker, the cruelty of a hunter. If she chose the life Jay would offer her, she would always imagine his shadow following her. If she refused to leave Mag’s Head, Jay would insist on staying here with her. What future could she offer him on this barren headland? No, he must leave as soon as he and Mark completed work on the chamber that Leanne had insisted was necessary for Amelia’s protection. How was she to face her uncertain future without him? With courage – it was the only way. She had claimed possession of this gift that Leanne had offered her and must find the strength to step into her best friend’s skin.
Four days, that was the length of time it took Jay and Mark to create the chamber and install a phone alarm system within it. It would be effective should help be needed from the police in Rannavale Garda Station, but Amelia was aware of the length of time it would take for a squad car to arrive. Living on Mag’s Head would be a see-saw of survival and she must struggle to find a perfect balance.
When the chamber was complete, she stood with Jay on the summit of Mag’s Head and told him he must leave. She had never loved him, she said, even when they ran hand in hand through the trees in Kilfarran Woods, stopping under their shade to kiss until their lips were bruised. Nor had she loved him on that tumultuous night when he lay above her, and under her, beside her and inside her, so deep she wondered if they could ever be separated. She ordered him to go to back to California and forget her. She was assuming a new identity and cutting off all links to her past life. He had gone down on his knees and begged her to move with him to California or let him stay with her in the misty climes of Mag’s Head. How hard it had been to turn away from him, but true love, she had discovered, was conjoined with sacrifice. Leanne would lay down her life so that Amelia could create a new existence. Amelia was willing to lay down her own happiness so that Jay, unhindered, could move on with his life. She lied to him and her deception broke him. He believed her and his acceptance broke her.
In those early weeks, she found it impossible to visualise Leanne in her reflection and was startled every time she glimpsed herself in the mirror. In art college, they had studied stained-glass design during their first year. Leanne had continued her studies until she dropped out and left for New York but Amelia had preferred a softer, more tactile material. In Leanne’s studio, she was a fish out of water. Her hands shook too much to handle a soldering iron or a glass-cutter. Seeing how distressed it made her, Mark persuaded her to stop trying to take over the business. He helped her to set up an online company and provide a specialist finder service. Her database was exhaustive and she was soon sourcing the elusive furnishings and textiles her clients sought.
Her hair’s natural wave returned after years of being straightened into the helmet style she loved. She dyed it and let it grow long. Did anyone notice her features, the shape of her nose, her eyes, so like Leanne’s but a deeper green? The difference in their height – slight, admittedly, but Leanne had always been the taller. No. People saw what they expected to see. It was easy not to look beyond the obvious, unless, like Nicholas, total possession was the endgame.
Mark was with her when Kayla was born. The midwife masked her surprise as she glanced from him to Kayla and realised he could not be the baby’s biological father. He behaved like one, though. Holding Kayla with wonder, besotted by her perfect fingers and Cupid mouth, her mother’s green eyes, her father’s dark, velvety skin.
Amelia, weeping with relief that she had given birth to a love-child, was consumed by a new dread. Kayla must always remain her secret. Fear for Jay’s safety if Nicholas discovered the truth overrode all other considerations. Kayla Ross would be written on the birth certificate. Father Unknown. Her daughter must be her only love and yet… and yet… sometimes the isolation of her surroundings was almost too much to bear. As time passed, she merged into the quiet life of Mag’s Head and, eventually, found it possible not to jerk with grief when she answered to the name of Annie.
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