The Wife Before Me(15)

‘Why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have gone on so much about what happened to me. It must have been upsetting for you. If I’d known―’

‘You needed to talk,’ he says. ‘And I wanted to find out everything about you.’ He checks the rear-view mirror and indicates to pass the car in front. The road is narrow and he doesn’t hesitate as he crosses the continuous white line.

‘Don’t, Nicholas. It’s dangerous.’ Elena lifts her shoulders as a woman in an approaching car blasts her horn. ‘Be careful!’ she screams as she glimpses the driver’s horrified expression.

Nicholas swerves smoothly back into his own lane. He has narrowly escaped a collision and is now too close to the car he passed. He increases speed, whips around a corner onto a straight stretch of road and eases his foot off the accelerator.

‘Stop overreacting, Elena,’ he says. ‘We were perfectly safe.’

‘What’s wrong with you, Nicholas? That was a ridiculous and dangerous thing to do.’ She’s trembling, overcome with fury that he would take such a risk with their lives.

‘Don’t tell me how to drive,’ he retorts, sharply.

‘I could have been killed. That gives me every right to tell you how to drive.’

Despite his obvious efforts to remain composed, his knuckles are ridged on the steering wheel. She touches her cheek as it is brushed by a chilled breath of air. The skin on the back of her neck lifts. Someone walking on her grave, that’s what Isabelle would have said. Once again, Nicholas increases his speed. His hands are off the wheel before Elena realises what he’s doing. He raises them above his head and touches the roof. The car veers towards the pavement before he straightens it again.

‘That’s what’s called ridiculous and dangerous driving.’ He laughs, his lips drawn back from his teeth, a humourless grimace that fuels her fear.

‘What’s wrong with you, Nicholas?’ she shrieks. ‘Are you crazy or just plain stupid?’

He drives on, slower now, and indicates to turn into an industrial estate. It’s emptying out, shutters coming down, traffic streaming onto the main road. He brakes the car in a cul-de-sac and turns off the engine.

‘Are you all right, Elena?’ No longer laughing, he sounds subdued, as if her fear has finally sobered him.

‘No, I’m not all right.’ She is still shaken by their close encounter with death. He gauged it well. A few seconds more and he would have caused a head-on collision. ‘What did you think you were doing back there?’

‘Behaving like a dick,’ he admits, ruefully. ‘I’m sorry for frightening you but you flung Amelia’s name at me without warning and I find it hard to cope―’

‘What warning do you need? You never stop talking about her!’

‘You asked me to tell you―’

‘I know I did. But then you leave out something as important as the fact that she suffered a miscarriage. Surely you must have known that I, of all people, would understand.’

‘How much more do you want to find out?’ he demands. ‘I’ve been as open as I can with you. Some things are more difficult to discuss. I’m sorry I overreacted back there. It won’t happen again but you have to respect my boundaries and stop being so obsessed about Amelia.’

‘Obsessed? Is that what you call it?’ She is too angry to lower her voice. ‘We can’t go on like this, Nicholas.’

‘Like what?’

‘You’re still grieving for her. I thought you were ready to move on but you’re not. It’s affecting me, my own sense of worth. I’m going back to Australia.’

‘Has Zac been in touch with you?’

‘Zac has nothing to do with my decision.’

‘You haven’t answered my question. Have you been talking to him?’

‘No. And he’s irrelevant to this conversation. Susie’s right. I rushed into this relationship too quickly. You need more time and I need to sort out my issues on my own.’

‘No, Susie is wrong. What does she know about our relationship? My feelings for you? I’d never have told you anything about Amelia if you hadn’t insisted. But she belongs to my past. You’re here with me and I love you.’

‘Not like you loved her.’ This thought, spoken aloud, shames her. How petty she sounds. She presses her finger to her lips to stifle a cry. She wants him to understand the effect his memories are having on her but she will say the wrong thing and he will think she is being obsessive… and, maybe, she is. Love can be as demanding as it is selfless, she thinks as she hugs her feelings to herself. In Australia she can start afresh. She imagines hurtling through the surf, carefree and out of love with him. But that can never be.

He nods as if he understands her pettiness, her longing to be at the centre of his life. ‘Yes, my love for you is not the same,’ he admits. ‘Why would you expect it to be? You are different to Amelia. Uniquely different. That’s what I love most about you. You make me feel as though I’m the most important person in your life. Amelia could never do that. She played on my feelings. In all our years together, I was never sure of what she would do or say next. It made things difficult―’

‘You gave me the impression your marriage was made in heaven.’

‘I didn’t mean to do so.’ He presses her palm against his chest. The fast thud of his heartbeat alarms her. The front of his shirt is damp and his body exudes a musky odour of perspiration. His adrenalin levels must be off the scale, she thinks.