The Wedding Party (The Wedding Date, #3)(83)

Maddie covered her eyes.

“I did want it. Going through this process . . . it really made me think about how much I want to help people who really need me, where I can really make a difference in their lives. I didn’t realize how much I wanted this until I had the opportunity, and now it’s gone.”

Maddie buried her head in her mom’s shoulder and smelled the perfume she’d been wearing for thirty years.

“I ruined it. I knew what they wanted, I knew how to be what they wanted, so why didn’t I just give it to them? I could have been bitchy Maddie. Hell, I’m bitchy Maddie all the damn time; being her comes naturally to me. Then I would have had the show. Instead, I threw it away for stupid reasons.”

Her mom pulled away until Maddie looked up at her.

“No. That’s not true. You wouldn’t have had your own respect, and that’s what matters the most. If I’ve taught you anything, you know I’ve taught you that.”

Finally, the tears came.

“Does that really matter the most, though? I see people out there in the world all day every day who do things to hurt people, who take and take and never give; who don’t care about what they do and how they do it as long as they win. What’s the point anymore of trying to do the right thing?”

Her mom didn’t even answer; she just handed Maddie tissues from the box on the coffee table. Finally, Maddie sat up.

“I know. I know. You don’t have to tell me. I don’t want to be one of those people. I hate those people. Those are the people you’ve worked your entire life against. But why do they keep succeeding and people like us keep losing?”

Her mom got up and brought her a glass of water.

“Like you said, I’ve been working my entire life against people like this. And they do win. A lot. But the only thing we can do is keep on fighting and keep on helping people who need us. At least, that’s the only thing that makes life worthwhile for me.”

Maddie shook her head.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so overwrought about this stupid job. It’s just one job, it’s just a TV thing, it’s just about fashion, not about, like, the downfall of society.”

Her mom stroked her hair.

“Have you talked to Alexa about it?”

She shook her head.

“No, I just found out when I was on my way over here. I’ll call her later.”

Her mom nodded.

“Did you talk to Theo about it?”

Why would her mom ask that?

“Why would I talk to Theo about this?”

Vivian had a very smug look on her face.

“Maddie, please. I haven’t been your mother for thirty-four years for nothing. Momma knows everything. How’s he doing, anyway, after the concussion at the rally?”

Maddie burst into tears. Again.

“I don’t know! We had a fight the next day and I haven’t seen him since and he said terrible things to me and I said terrible things to him. I’m so worried about him and mad at him and I feel so bad about what I said to him and I don’t know what to do!”

Her mom pulled her back down against her chest. Maddie had spent what felt like years crying into her mom’s comfortable bosom. About mean girls, and cruel teachers, and stupid boys, and bad bosses. Vivian just let her keep crying.

“How did you know something was going on between the two of us? Not even Alexa knows.”

Her mom laughed at her as she got up to put the teakettle on.

“Oh please. I have ears! You used every opportunity possible to bring up his name, you had this smile on your face whenever you talked about him, and I could even hear you smiling about him over the phone!”

Huh, Alexa was right about that phone smiling thing.

“Come on,” her mom said. “Tell me what happened.”

Maddie confessed all, or almost all. She skipped over all the sex, though she was pretty sure her mom knew exactly what she was skipping.

And she didn’t tell her about the I love yous. Her mom didn’t need to know that part.

“Well,” she said, “it’s over now. It’s probably for the best. Maybe he said all that because of the concussion, but it wouldn’t have lasted much longer anyway. I always knew we were too different, and this thing between us was too good to be true; anything like that can’t last very long. I’m going to have to see him at the wedding, which . . .” She sighed. “I’ll worry about that later.”

Her mom bustled around taking mugs down from the cabinet and getting tea bags out.

“It sounds like you had some strong feelings for him, which I thought was the case.”

Of course her mom would think that.

“No, that’s not it. I just got used to being around him, that’s all. And the end left a bad taste in my mouth. I’ll get over it.”

She should be over this. She couldn’t believe she’d cried again about Theo.

“You remember when your aunt Janet had that car accident, and the two of us got so mad at each other because of something silly?”

Maddie sighed.

“Yeah, Mom, I remember, but this isn’t . . .”

“I’m just saying, emotions get high at times like that.” Vivian poured boiling water into their mugs. “Everyone is stressed and at a breaking point, and sometimes people say things they don’t mean. Maybe you both did that.”