The Virgin Gift(16)

This time I was soft and gentle. She seemed to like it, trembling in my arms.

Trouble was, I liked it too.

I liked it beyond the boundaries of our deal.

Outside the rules.

I liked it because it was her. Her sweetness, her loveliness. Her soft kiss made my chest ache. It was full of everything that made this woman my close friend—trust and compatibility.

And that was dangerous for the rules of our engagement.

Time to shove all these unwarranted emotions out of my head.

I scooped her up, took her to her room, and set her on the bed. I tucked a finger under her chin. “I’ll see you in the morning, and I’ll make your favorite breakfast,” I said, because that would reset us. That was what we did. I cooked for her, and we talked about anything and everything.

That was us—our friendship.

And I needed to recalibrate.

She lifted her chin and looked at me sweetly, so damn sweetly. “Good night, Adam.”

“Good night, Nina,” I said, fighting the wish to stay.

I went to my bed, stripped to nothing, and slid under the covers. I rated this night an A, but even with top marks, sleep didn’t come easily. My brain whirred with too many thoughts. Thoughts and ideas I was wildly unprepared for.

But I still had questions. Or rather, I had one. In the morning, though, I’d ask her.





9





Nina





Even the shower felt new.

The hot water streaming over my skin was a fresh sensation.

Like I was feeling it for the first time.

I raised my face to the spray, letting it cascade over my cheeks, my shoulders, my belly.

The water traveled down my skin, like it was forging a new path over a new person.

This was crazy.

I was still me. Still irreverent, passionate, introspective me, the woman who loved watching the world go by through her lens, the person who craved facts and information, the friend who was there in a heartbeat when needed.

I was still that woman, wasn’t I? I was still a businessperson, a neighbor, a friend.

But I was someone else now too.

Someone who knew.

Someone who knew sensations, desires, firsthand, with another person.

I didn’t know much. I barely knew a few things about the way bodies tangled together, and how touch could turn to more.

But I’d started to explore that land. I’d pushed open the door to a secret club last night and sneaked inside. The club of mutual pleasure.

I’d been giving myself orgasms for years. The landscape of my nightstand bureau was mapped with mountains of vibrators, hills of batteries, and valleys of late-night fantasies. My Amazon account was privy to my personal habits—how many toys I obtained every year, how frequently I replaced them. I had quite the impressive collection.

But none of my toys had given me what Adam gave me.

Freedom from my own hands.

Freedom to let go. To surrender to another’s touch. To the things I’d craved most.

Adam gave me the chance to give in to pleasure, to turn the keys over to another person. And it was wondrous.

As I remembered his filthy words, his firm commands, and his adherence to my written wishes, a hot shiver raced through me, but it was chased by something else.

By a quick burst of unexpected emotion. My throat tightened, and I was entirely unsure where this feeling was coming from. A feeling of something like . . . gratitude? Was that it? Was I simply grateful that Adam had administered my first non-solo O?

As I spread cherry body wash over my legs, I shook my head, the answer to my question coming quickly.

No, it wasn’t gratitude. It was something stronger.

This kernel inside me felt closer to hope, too much like a wish for something beyond the bedroom.

That was a problem.

That wasn’t what last night was about.

Hell, that wasn’t what my list was about.

My list was a road map to and through pleasure, and only pleasure. It was a chance for me to learn a new language, one that had been impossible to speak when I was with clients, having private conversations. And it was my opportunity once and for all to move beyond my mind. To take all the desires in my head and explore them so they’d stop gnawing at me.

I rinsed my body, turned off the shower, and dressed, listening to another episode of Ask Aphrodite. A listener had wanted to know the hostess’s best advice when it came to communicating with a lover. Turned out to be the perfect wisdom for me too.

After drying my hair and applying blush and mascara, I turned off the podcast and took a deep breath, ready to face Adam in the bright light of morning.

Adam, my friend.

Adam, my neighbor.

And Adam, my very temporary lover.

That was all, although we weren’t done with that role. We had more erotic hills to climb, and I hoped we’d summit them without more of these pesky morning-after questions.

Still, would everything be different for us in the light of day? Could we still be us?

I wasn’t sure, but I had to try, and that required more honesty. We’d always been honest and open as friends, so nothing should change now that we were temporary lovers. We’d stay honest, and that meant the question of why would need to be answered sooner rather than later.

Surely he was curious. I’d be curious too if I were him. Rather than waiting for him to ask, I chose to tackle it head-on, recalling Aphrodite’s most recent words.