The Vibrant Years(78)

“Stop it. Stop using my life against me. Feel like what? Like a step stool to reach what you want?”

“I wasn’t using you.” He squeezed his eyes shut again, unable to keep believing his own lies. “Well, I was at first. But that’s not all this was.”

Maybe. But that was the part that ruined everything. Something cold was spreading through her, gripping her from the inside out. “It doesn’t matter. I can never trust you again.” She started walking away from him, then spun around again. “Stay away from me. And stay away from Binji.”

“I can’t do that,” he said. For a moment she thought he meant he couldn’t stay away from her. But she was wrong. “I just want to give her something. Something I’ve worked on for years, something my grandfather died without ever being able to give her. She’ll want this. Trust me. Please.”

It was the words trust me that made Cullie laugh as she let the lobby door slam behind her before hot tears started streaming down her face.





CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR


ALY


“I hate that everyone wants to save me from myself.” That was one of the last things Bhanu ever said to me. I wish I’d had a chance to tell her that I’d give anything to make sure she never let anyone change her even a little.

From the journal of Oscar Seth

A blush warmed Aly’s cheeks. She still couldn’t believe she’d kissed her ex-husband. Fine, it was more than kissed. They’d made out like college kids high on hormones, ravenous for relief. He’d cooked for her and cleaned as promised and played his old keyboard that she hadn’t been able to throw away. And hummed their favorite song in his beautiful voice.

He’d asked to come over to talk. Instead they’d put their mouths to other uses.

It was the white linen shirt.

It was the fact that he could cook a pasta bolognese better than anyone.

It was too many pieces of a shared life.

It was celebrating their daughter’s being in love for the first time. Or in like enough to bring a boy home.

It was the fact that Aly just couldn’t replicate the way her body felt with Ashish.

This doesn’t mean anything, she’d told him after.

He’d suppressed a world of feelings behind his grin. The bastard knew.

But simply because their bodies had forgotten the hurt didn’t mean the way they’d wounded each other’s hearts could be healed.

Finally, all these years later, Aly had what she’d fought so hard for.

She had watched the promo video for Weekend Plans with Aly on repeat. Joyce had not been able to make contact with Meryl’s people, and somehow everyone seemed to have come around to accepting that Aly would be doing the interview. The promo was going live today. The anticipation felt sharply joyous inside her, the pleasure almost painful. She was going to watch it with the team before leaving for dinner at Bindu’s.

Bindu had been in one of her cooking trances for days. It had been years since she’d done this. Painstakingly brought together a full Goan meal. Grinding coconut for the xacuti, scaling fish for a crisp fry, fermenting rice for sanna, caramelizing layer upon layer of bebinca, slowly thickening the milk for serradura, and on and on. Hunger had been gnawing at Aly’s insides for what seemed like an age. Years and years of denial, and she was starved for fullness.

Suddenly, she had the unbearable urge for Mummy to know it was happening. She had ten minutes before the promo aired. Without thinking about it, she called her mother.

“You sound happy,” her mother said as soon as Aly said hello. At least she’d gotten something about her daughter right.

“I am,” Aly said, letting it show in earnest.

“So Ash and you are back together!”

Wow, Karen was on a roll today.

“I’m getting the segment.”

If the pause was disappointed, Aly didn’t care. “Are you sure?” her mother said finally.

“Would I call you if I wasn’t?”

“There’s no reason to be rude. I just want to make sure you’re not going to be disappointed again. You do foolish things when that work of yours frustrates you. And you have a lot on the line right now.”

“You’re right. I do. But it’s not Ashish. Ashish and I are never going to be husband and wife again. I’m finally going to have my own segment, though, and you should be happy for me about that.”

This time the pause was definitely disappointed and shocked. “Alisha,” her mother said, sounding almost scared. “I am happy. But what does it matter that you have the segment if you don’t have a family?”

A groan escaped Aly.

“Child, I mean it. I am happy.”

There, was that so hard? “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But can you also please give Ashish a chance?”

Could all your sobs and groans mix into a laugh? “I have to go. I just wanted to let you know.” Aly was about to disconnect, but then she added, “I love you, Mummy,” because, Why not?

Her mother made a sound that was suspiciously close to “Same.” And with that unprecedented concession she was gone.

When Aly entered the screening room, there was no one there. The team always watched the new promos together when they first went live. The usual cascade of doubts kicked in, disappointment crashing like dominos into disaster. She kicked it back. This time she was choosing to believe.