The Two Lives of Lydia Bird(26)

We sit rigid, side by side in the silence.

‘I should have told you sooner,’ he says eventually, his gaze on his feet.

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘But I get why you didn’t.’

I meet Camilla’s tearful gaze across the table and she nods, quiet support that I appreciate. It takes a great deal for me to lay my hand over his, and it takes a great deal for him to not crumble.

‘That cake could do with some butter on,’ Maud says. ‘Is there any left?’

Nell pushes the tin across the table. ‘Take it, it won’t get eaten at my house.’

I dash my hand over my eyes, brisk, and stand up. ‘I should get going,’ I say, looking around the table. ‘It was nice to meet you all.’

Jonah looks up at me. ‘I’ll see you soon?’ he says.

‘Yes,’ I say, even though I most probably won’t. I can’t say I’m glad I came because it isn’t strictly true, but it’s been cathartic for both of us to be so painfully honest. I hold it together until I reach my car and then I fall into the driver’s seat with my head in my hands. I probably shouldn’t drive, but I want to go home. I want to be with Freddie.





Sunday 3 June


We’re in the hospital car park. Freddie is carrying Elle. She’s wearing one shoe, and I have the other in my hand as I walk briskly beside them.

‘I think it’s broken,’ Elle says, her face contorting with pain when she tries to move her ankle. She tumbled top to bottom on our stairs half an hour back, scaring the hell out of me and Freddie. It’s strange seeing her in this abstract world too. I’d got used to it being just me and Freddie, but it seems like everyone else’s lives are ticking along here as well. And in this world, today, Freddie is exactly how I want to remember him. In control and very much alive.

‘Probably,’ he says. ‘Good job you’ve got me to carry you around.’

‘It’s a bit like that scene from An Officer and a Gentleman,’ I say, trying not to laugh.

Freddie looks pleased by the idea. ‘Except I’m better looking than Richard Gere.’

‘You’d definitely look good in the uniform,’ I say.

‘They sell them in that kinky shop in town,’ he says. ‘I can get one if you like.’

‘Er, hello?’ Elle grumbles. ‘Woman with broken bones here. Can you save this conversation for later?’

‘It might not be broken,’ I say, trying to think positive.

‘God, I hope not,’ she says. ‘I can’t be on crutches at work.’ Though even on crutches Elle would still be the most efficient woman in the room.

There’s something about the sight of someone being carried into A&E that makes people part to allow us through, and we’re in a cubicle far faster than we otherwise might have been.

‘Good job you were at home,’ I say to Freddie, perching on the edge of the bed. The doctor doesn’t think Elle’s broken any bones, but she’s been wheeled off for an X-ray to double-check. ‘I don’t think we’d have been seen so quickly if she’d hobbled in.’

‘The Freddie Hunter charm works every time.’ He grins, and I roll my eyes.

‘Want me to carry you upstairs later?’ he asks.

‘Only if you buy that uniform,’ I say.

He glances at the coat peg on the back of the door. ‘I could steal a doctor’s coat. Will that do?’

I start to laugh under my breath. ‘You know what? I think it might,’ I say, just as the doctor wheels Elle back in.

‘Nothing broken,’ he says, breezy. ‘Badly bruised, best stay off it for a couple of days.’

Elle struggles to get to grips with the crutches the nurse finds for her, so Freddie swings her up into his arms again and carries her back through A&E. As the exit doors slide open, I start to hum, ‘Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong’, and Elle kicks me in the arm with her good foot.

‘You were great with Elle today,’ I say once we’re home again.

‘I was, wasn’t I?’ he says, messing, and then he shakes his head. ‘Thank God it was just her ankle. The way she came down those stairs it could have been a lot worse.’

I shudder, because he’s right. My heart was in my mouth as we ran to see what had happened; I’m all too aware of how quickly a normal day can become a nightmare.

‘I’ve never broken any bones,’ he says. ‘Can you believe that?’

Oh, my love, I think.

‘Me neither,’ I say. ‘Oh, hang on, I’m lying. I have – I broke my finger at Elle’s birthday party when we were little. Mum invited Nicky from over the road even though he was a horror, and he slammed my hand in the front door.’

Freddie winces. ‘On purpose?’

I shrug. ‘Probably.’ I hold my right hand up and touch my index finger. ‘Right there.’

Freddie comes in close and kisses the spot. ‘What was his surname? I’ll find him and exact a horrible revenge for you.’

I go with it. ‘What will you do?’

‘I think it’s only fair that it involves his fingers,’ Freddie says. ‘Shall I chop them off one by one? Or whack them flat with a hammer, Thor-style?’