The Tower of Nero (The Trials of Apollo #5)(30)

“Good gardening?” I asked.

“Awesome.” She wiped her nose on her sleeve. “This new kid, Steve? He made a potato erupt in Douglas’s pants.”

“That does sound awesome.”

“Wish we could stay.” She tossed a chip of quartz into the grass.

My heart felt like an open blister. Thinking about the horrible things that awaited us back in Manhattan, I wanted to grant Meg’s wish more than anything. She should have been able to stay at camp, laughing and making friends and watching potatoes erupt from her cabinmates’ pants like any normal kid.

I marveled at how calm and content she appeared. I’d heard that young people were especially resilient when it came to surviving trauma. They were much tougher than, say, your average immortal. And yet, just for once, I wished I could provide Meg with a safe place to be, without the pressure of having to leave immediately to stop an apocalypse.

“I could go alone,” I found myself saying. “I could surrender to Nero. There’s no reason you have to—”

“Stop,” she ordered.

My throat closed up.

I could do nothing but wait as Meg twirled a blade of grass between her fingers.

“You say that because you don’t trust me?” she asked at last.

“What?” Her question allowed me to speak again. “Meg, no, that’s not—”

“I betrayed you once,” she said. “Right here in these woods.”

She didn’t sound sad or ashamed about it, the way she once might have. She spoke with a sort of dreamy disbelief, as if trying to recall the person she’d been six months ago. That was a problem I could relate to.

“Meg, we’ve both changed a lot since then,” I said. “I trust you with my life. I’m just worried about Nero…how he’ll try to hurt you, use you.”

She gave me a look that was almost teacherly, as if cautioning Are you sure that’s your final answer?

I realized what she must be thinking: I claimed I wasn’t worried about her betraying me, but I was worried about how Nero could manipulate her. Wasn’t that the same thing?

“I have to go back,” Meg insisted. “I have to see if I’m strong enough.”

Peaches cuddled up next to her as if he had no such concerns.

Meg patted his leafy wings. “Maybe I’ve gotten stronger. But when I go back to the palace, will it be enough? Can I remember to be who I am now and not…who I was then?”

I didn’t think she expected an answer. But it occurred to me that perhaps I should be asking myself the same question.

Since Jason Grace’s death, I’d spent sleepless nights wondering if I could keep my promise to him. Assuming I made it back to Mount Olympus, could I remember what it was like to be human, or would I slip back into being the self-centered god I used to be?

Change is a fragile thing. It requires time and distance. Survivors of abuse, like Meg, have to get away from their abusers. Going back to that toxic environment was the worst thing she could do. And former arrogant gods like me couldn’t hang around other arrogant gods and expect to stay unsullied.

But I supposed Meg was right. Going back was the only way to see how strong we’d gotten, even if it meant risking everything.

“Okay, I’m worried,” I admitted. “About you. And me. I don’t know the answer to your question.”

Meg nodded. “But we have to try.”

“Together, then,” I said. “One more time, into the lair of the Beast.”

“Peaches,” Peaches murmured.

Meg smirked. “He says he’ll stay here at camp. He needs some me time.”

I hate it when fruit spirits have more sense than me.

That afternoon I filled two quivers with arrows. I polished and restrung my bow. From the cabin’s store of musical instruments, I picked a new ukulele—not as nice or durable as the bronze combat ukulele I had lost, but still a fearsome stringed instrument. I made sure I had plenty of medical supplies in my backpack, along with food and drink and the usual change of clothes and clean underwear. (I apologize, underwear!)

I moved through the afternoon hours in a daze, feeling as if I were preparing for a funeral…specifically my own. Austin and Kayla hovered nearby, trying to be helpful when they could, but without invading my space.

“We talked with Sherman and Malcolm,” Kayla told me. “We’ll be on standby.”

“If there is any chance we can help,” Austin said, “we’ll be ready to roll at a moment’s notice.”

Words were not sufficient to thank them, but I hope they saw the gratitude in my teary, bruised, acne-pocked face.

That night we had the usual singalong at the campfire. No one mentioned our quest. No one offered a going-away good-luck speech. The first-time campers were still so new to the demigod experience, so amazed by it all, I doubted they would even notice we were gone. Perhaps that was for the best.

They didn’t need to know how much was at stake: not just the burning of New York, but whether the Oracle of Delphi would ever be able to give them prophecies and offer them quests, or whether the future would be controlled and predetermined by an evil emperor and a giant reptile.

If I failed, these young demigods would grow up in a world where Nero’s tyranny was the norm and there were only eleven Olympians.