The Things We Cannot Say(76)

“Eddie,” I whisper, touching the screen with my fingertip.

“Eddie, I love you,” he says, and then he drops the phone back onto the table. He’s rocking back and forth and still visible just at the edge of the screen. I can see that he’s pinching his upper arms.

“It’s okay, darling,” I say, then I call furiously, “Wade Michaels! What the Hell is going on there?”

“Everything is fine!” Wade calls from somewhere in the background. “It’s all under control, Ally, I just—”

“Mom...” Callie snatches the phone from Eddie and her face fills the screen. “It is not under control. I told you Dad wasn’t up to this. Dad said Eddie didn’t need melatonin so Eddie hardly slept and he kept us both awake half the night, and Dad couldn’t figure out the iron so he burned a hole in his trousers and we’re not sure what Eddie eats at school and he just smashed a glass because Dad wouldn’t give him his sippy cup—”

There’s another struggle for the phone, then Wade appears again.

“Everything is fine,” he says firmly. “It’s all under control. But we have to get ready for school and work now so I’m going to have to say goodbye and we’ll talk to you later. Okay?”

Everything is clearly not fine, and the urge to fix it for him is almost overwhelming. But seeing my generally unflappable husband who was so sure this would be a walk in the park in this state of panic is kind of satisfying. So I draw in a deep breath, and then I ask lightly, “Did you give Eddie his visual schedule and the social script I prepared?”

He confirms my worst fears when he says dismissively, “It’s fine, Alice. It’s all fine.”

“Okay then,” I say easily, although I actually suspect things are about to get worse for my husband given he clearly hasn’t read my documentation so he probably has no idea about Callie’s after-school routines this week. “Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow morning, about the same time?”

“Sure...sure...”

I hang up, and the memory of Eddie’s distressed face flashes before me, and I could almost panic—except that the beer still has me feeling so mellow and sleepy that I convince myself that I can maybe just postpone the panic until a bit later. I mean, there’s not actually all that much I can do to help them right now... I curl up in a little ball on the bed and fall quickly to sleep, and when I wake, there’s a message waiting from Callie.

Mom. I set up messaging on my iPad so we can keep in touch while you’re away. I miss you and love you very much.
I sigh and reply.

Callie Michaels, you know you’re not allowed to have text messaging. And aren’t you at school??
Her reply comes instantly.

I promise I’ll only use it with you. Yes I am at school but I explained to Mr. Merrick what I was doing and he thought it was a great technology and geography extension project. So have you seen anything cool? Can you take some photos for me?
I send her the photos from the square, and she replies immediately.

Mommy! That’s so cool! We were just talking in class about inspirational figures in our lives and I was going to talk about Grandma but I talked about you instead because it’s so amazing that you’re doing this. Don’t worry about Dad and Eddie. I’d like to say they’re fine, but instead, I’ll just remind you that a few days from now you’ll be back and I’ll help you clean up the mess. Haha. Love you Mommy.
I decide to focus on the part of that message that doesn’t make me want to run home right this very minute. My daughter actually thinks I’m inspirational. All I’ve done is caught a damned plane by myself, and Callie thinks that’s amazing. There’s something both exciting and depressing about that.

Love you too, honey bear.
I put the iPad down and glance at the window. It’s still light outside. I was planning to have an early night in with some room service, but suddenly I’m dying to see what the square looks like of an evening when the city has finished its workday. I pull my shoes on, fix my hair and head out for another walk.



CHAPTER 26

Alina


When the clock struck 10:00 p.m. the next night, Tomasz said, “Come with me.”

I was dozing lightly in his arms, but I woke immediately at that.

“Yesterday you said it was too dangerous.”

“Yesterday I had to visit four nearby farms, then go into the town to see Nadia. Today I am only going next door to the Golaszewski house, and just for Eva. Tonight’s trip is so much less risky, and I would love for you to meet my friends.”

The last thing in the world I wanted to do was to remain in that cellar without him for a second night in a row, and so we climbed out of our hiding place together and slipped into the night. The moon was full and the skies were clear, but I still managed to convince myself that every shadow on the horizon was a Nazi soldier. By the time we’d crossed the fields to the Golaszewski house, I was shaking with fear.

“I don’t know how you do this every night,” I whispered.

“You’ll understand when you see the baby,” he said quietly.

The Golaszewski house was much larger than my own; their soil was very fertile and their farm was much more profitable than ours ever had been. Jan had added many rooms to the house over the years, and it was now a hodgepodge of materials and building styles. Tomasz avoided the front portion of the house; instead he led me to the back of the structure. I knew the layout of the house, so I was surprised to see where we stopped.