The Taste of Ginger(10)

“I built that time in,” I said, slipping my carry-on into the back seat.

Carrie was what I called “punctually late.” She always turned up fifteen minutes after the agreed-upon time. Fifteen minutes. On the dot.

As I slid into the passenger seat, I detected the faint smell of cigarette smoke that always clung to her skin and clothes.

She paused with her hand on the gearshift. “I’m sorry about what’s going on with your family.”

“Thanks,” I said, focusing on the empty sour-candy wrapper that crinkled as she nudged it while switching gears. “It’s a lot to process, but I know they will be fine.” My jaw stiffened in determination.

She pulled away from the curb and drove toward the highway. Given the late evening hour, there wasn’t much traffic on the southbound 405. She swerved in and out of lanes, passing cars like a taxi driver in Manhattan, sometimes tailgating so closely that my foot pumped an invisible brake.

“When do you think you’ll be back?” she asked.

“As soon as humanly possible. Once I know Neel and Dipti will be okay, I’m on the first flight back. The Warden’s probably going to fire me if I’m not.”

“Don’t worry about him. The billable hours will still be here when you get back.” She pounded on the horn when another car tried to cut her off.

It was easy for her to say, but I’d always worried about my place at the firm more than she had. I’d never expected to be given the same latitude as my white peers. I chewed on my bottom lip as I stared out the window at the familiar street names on the exit signs. I could recite every exit on the 405 between the 101 and 10. In thirty-six hours, I’d be in a city where I wouldn’t be able to drive because the streets were chaotic with the animals roaming through them and the lack of any city planning. The handy GPS application on my phone would be useless because there weren’t official street names or addresses, and it would be pointless to type in the pink house next to the tea cart at the Jodhpur intersection.

“I always wondered what it would take to get me back to India. I guess now I know,” I said wryly. “I haven’t been since I was a teenager, and I didn’t like going then. It’s dirty and loud. Everyone expects me to be some doting, obedient girl who never expresses any opinions and never contradicts her parents. I don’t know how to be that girl.”

“None of us do. It’s why we became lawyers.”

I offered up a smile to show her I appreciated her attempts at levity. “You should have heard his voice. He sounded scared and panicked. The last time I heard him sound like that, he’d gotten the crap kicked out of him in junior high,” I said.

We continued down the freeway, zipping in and out of lanes.

In a soft voice, I said to her, “I thought about calling Alex. He was pretty close to Neel. Maybe he’d want to know what’s going on . . .”

She cast me a disapproving look. “It’s been over three months, Pree. He’s in New York, and you’re here. Let him go.”

I wondered how long Carrie had been waiting to say that. A lump formed in my throat while the slow burn of loneliness swept over me. I longed for the day when he wouldn’t still infiltrate all my thoughts.

“My brain knows it’s over. It’s just hard when there are so many reminders.”

“I’m just saying you have enough to worry about when you get to India. Maybe leave the Alex depression here in California and start fresh.”

She had a point. I would arrive in India and walk straight into a situation no one in my family had ever prepared for. I didn’t have room for Alex anymore.





6


The international terminal at LAX was crowded with parents carting around children, couples asleep on each other’s shoulders, and travelers having animated conversations. Even though moments earlier in the car I had resolved to let Alex go, I couldn’t help but remember that the last time I had been here was with him, and we’d been one of those couples sitting next to each other excitedly talking about our vacation to Australia after having spent Christmas with his family. It was the only vacation I had taken during my four years at the firm, and I’d timed it for the end of the year, when the Warden wouldn’t frown upon it as much.

Carrie might have been right, and I should stay away, but nerves got the better of me as I sat in a sea of strangers. I picked up my phone and dialed the first number in my favorites.

He picked up on the third ring. Hearing the familiar way he said “hey” and the low baritone of his voice gave me the same feeling I’d had when he used to pull me in to his chest and hold me.

“Where are you?” he asked, likely hearing the screaming kids and airline announcements in the background.

“The airport.”

“Oh?” I thought I could detect a small smile in the way he said the word, and I realized that he might have thought I was coming to New York to see him! When we’d left things between us, we’d said we were both better off with a clean break. It only made sense to keep talking if we planned on being together. Maybe he thought that was why I was calling him now.

“I’m going to India,” I said quickly.

“Oh,” he said again, sounding deflated. This time I definitely heard his disappointment.

“I know it’s been a while.” I lowered my voice, the closest thing to privacy in the crowded terminal. “There’s some stuff going on with my family, and I didn’t know who else to call.”