The Sun Is Also a Star(60)

The finger steeple is back and he shrugs. “I’ve tried everything already.”

The shrug pisses me off. This is not a small thing. This isn’t Oh, you missed your appointment. Come again tomorrow. This is Natasha’s life. And mine.

I stand up. “You didn’t try hard enough,” I accuse him. I’m willing to bet the affair with his secretary has something to do with this. I bet he’s spent the day breaking promises to his wife and children. And to Natasha too.

“Look, I know you’re upset.” His voice is even, like he’s trying to calm me down.

But I don’t want to be calm. I press my hands into his desk and lean forward. “There has to be something you can do. It’s not her fault her dad is such a fuck-up.”

He slides his chair back from the desk. “Sorry. Homeland Security doesn’t like it if you overstay your visa.”

“But she was just a kid. She didn’t have a choice. It’s not like she could’ve said Mom, Dad, our visa is expired. We should go back to Jamaica now.”

“Doesn’t matter. The law has to draw a line somewhere. Their last appeal was denied. The only hope was the judge. If they leave tonight, then there’s a slight chance she can reapply for a visa in a few years.”



“But America is her home,” I shout. “It doesn’t matter where she was born.” I don’t say the rest of it, which is that she belongs with me.

“I wish there was something I could do,” he says. He touches the bandage above his eye again and seems genuinely sorry. Maybe I’m wrong about him. Maybe he really did try.

“I’m planning on calling her after you and I are done here,” he says.

After we’re done. I’ve completely forgotten that this meeting is supposed to be about me getting into Yale. “You’re just going to call her and tell her over the phone?”

“Does it matter how she hears it?” he asks, frowning.

“Of course it matters.” I don’t want her to hear the worst news of her life over the phone from someone she barely knows. “I’ll do it,” I say. “I’ll tell her.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t let you do that. It’s my job.”

I just sit there not knowing what to do. My lip throbs. The spot on my ribs where Charlie punched me hurts. The place in my heart where Natasha is hurts.

“I’m sorry, kid,” he says again.

“What if she doesn’t get on the plane? What if she just stays?” I am desperate. Breaking the law seems a small price to pay to get her to stay.

Another head shake. “I don’t recommend that. As a lawyer or otherwise.”



I have to get to her and tell her first. I don’t want her to be alone when she hears the news.

I walk out of his office and into the empty reception area. The paralegal didn’t come back.

He follows me. “So that’s it?” he asks. “No more interview?”

I don’t stop walking. “You said it yourself. I don’t really care about Yale.”

He puts a hand on my arm so I have to turn and face him. “Look, I know I said you should get your screwing up done now while you’re still a kid, but Yale’s a big deal. Going there could open a lot of doors for you. It did for me.”

And maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m being shortsighted.

I look around his office. How long will it take for the construction to be done? I wonder. How long will it take for him to hire a new paralegal?

I jut my chin in the direction of her desk. “You did all the things you were supposed to, and you’re still not happy.”

He rubs again at the bandage above his eye and doesn’t look over at the desk. He’s tired, but not the kind of tired that sleeping can fix.

I tell him, “If I don’t go now, I’ll always regret it.”

“What’s another half an hour to finish this interview?” he insists.

Does he really need me to tell him that all the seconds matter? That our own universe exploded into existence in the space of a breath?

“Time counts, Mr. Fitzgerald,” I tell him.

Finally he turns away from me and looks at the empty desk.

“But you know that already,” I say.





JEREMY FITZGERALD DIDN’T TELL DANIEL the truth. The reason he wasn’t able to stop Natasha’s deportation is that he missed the court appointment with the judge who could’ve reversed the Voluntary Removal. He missed it because he’s in love with Hannah Winter, and instead of going to see the judge, he spent the afternoon at a hotel with her.

Alone in his partially built office, Jeremy will think of Daniel Bae constantly for the next week. He will remember what Daniel said about time counting. He’ll remember with perfect clarity Daniel’s busted lip and bloodied shirt. He’ll remember how that was nothing compared to the complete devastation on Daniel’s face when he learned the news about Natasha. Like someone handed him a grenade and exploded his life apart.

Sometime in the next month, Jeremy will tell his wife that he no longer loves her. That it will be best for her and the children if he leaves. He will call Hannah Winter, and he will make her promises and he will keep all of them.

His son will never settle down or marry or have children or forgive his father for his betrayal. His daughter will marry her first girlfriend, Marie. She will spend most of that first marriage anticipating and then causing its end. After Marie, no one will ever love her quite as much again. And though she’ll get married twice more, she’ll never love anyone as much as she did Marie.