The Sun Is Also a Star(53)

Daniel gives me a quizzical look.

“I’ll explain later,” I tell him, and scoot my way back into his arms. “Back to norebang?” I ask against his lips. My heart is trying to escape my body through my chest.

“No,” he says. “I have a better idea.”





“WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING CRAZY?” I ask as I lead her back into the building. “My interview appointment is here too.”

“No way,” she says, and stops walking briefly.

I grin at her, dying to know how her scientific brain is going to deal with this epic level of coincidence. “What are the odds?”

She laughs at me. “Enjoying yourself, are you?”

“You see? I’ve been right all day. We were meant to meet. If we hadn’t met earlier, maybe we would’ve met now.” My logic is completely refutable but she doesn’t refute me. Instead, she slips her hand into mine and smiles. I may make a believer out of her yet.

My plan is to get us to the roof so that we can make out in privacy. We sign in for my appointment at the security desk. The guard directs us to the elevator banks. The one we get on must be the local, because it stops at practically every floor. Suited people get on and off, talking loudly about Very Important Things. Despite what Natasha said earlier, I can never work in a building like this. Finally we get to the top floor. We get off, find a stairwell, and walk up one flight and straight into a locked gray door with a NO ROOF ACCESS sign.



I refuse to believe it. Clearly the roof is just behind these doors. I turn the handle, hoping for a miracle, but it’s locked.

I rest my forehead against the sign. “Open sesame,” I say to the door.

Magically, it opens.

“What the hell?” I stumble forward, right into the same security guard from the lobby. Unlike us, he must’ve taken an express elevator.

“You kids aren’t allowed up here,” he grunts. He smells like cigarette smoke.

I pull Natasha through the doorway with me. “We just wanted to see the view,” I say, in my most-respectful-with-just-a-hint-of-pleading-but-non-whining voice.

He raises skeptical eyebrows and starts to say something, but a coughing fit overtakes him until he’s hunched over and thumping his heart with his fist.

“Are you okay?” Natasha asks. He’s only bent slightly now, both hands on his thighs. Natasha puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Got this cough,” he says between coughs.

“Well, you shouldn’t smoke,” she tells him.

He straightens and wipes his eyes. “You sound like my wife.”

“She’s right,” she says, not missing a beat.

I try to give her a look that says don’t argue with the old security guard with the lung problem, otherwise he won’t let us stay up here and make out, but even if she interpreted my facial expression correctly, she ignores me.



“I used to be a candy striper in a pulmonary ward. That cough does not sound good.”

We both stare at her. I, because I’m picturing her in a candy striper outfit and then picturing her out of it. I’m pretty sure this is going to be my new nighttime fantasy.

I don’t know why he’s staring at her. Hopefully not for the same reason.

“Give them to me,” she says, holding out her hand for his pack of cigarettes. “You need to stop smoking.” I don’t know how she manages to sound so genuinely concerned and bossy at the same time.

He pulls the pack out of his jacket pocket. “You think I haven’t tried?” he asks.

I look at him again. He’s too old to be doing this job. He looks like he should be retired and spoiling his grandkids somewhere in Florida.

Natasha keeps holding out her hand until he hands over the pack.

“Be careful of this one,” he says to me, smiling.

“Yes, sir.”

He puts his jacket on. “How do you know I won’t just go get some more?” he asks her.

“I guess I don’t,” she says, shrugging.

He looks at her for a long moment. “Life doesn’t always go the way you plan,” he says.

I can see that she doesn’t believe him. He can see it too, but he lets it go.

“Stay away from the edge,” he says, winking at both of us. “Have a good time.”





THE GIRL REMINDED HIM a little of his Beth. Direct but sweet. That, more than anything, is why he let them stay up on the roof. He knows perfectly well that the only view they’ll be looking at is each other. No harm in that, he thinks.

He and his Beth were the same way. And not just at the beginning of their marriage, but all throughout. They won the lottery with each other, they liked to say.

Beth died last year. Six months after they’d both retired. In fact, the cancer diagnosis came the day after retirement. They had so many plans. Alaskan cruise to see the aurora borealis (hers). Venice to drink grappa and see the canals (his).

That’s the thing that gets to Joe even now. All the plans they’d made. All the saving. All the waiting around for the perfect time.

And for what? For nothing.

The girl is right, of course. He shouldn’t smoke. After he lost Beth, he took himself out of retirement and took up smoking again. What did it matter if he worked himself to death? What did it matter if he smoked himself to death? There was nothing left to live for, nothing left to plan for.