The Summer of Sunshine and Margot(31)

Declan looked out the window, but saw instead the ridiculously sunny day of Iris’s funeral. He’d been numb from shock, aware that while he would have to process his feelings at some point, all that mattered was Connor. Getting his son through his grief. His parents had moved in to help, he’d found a therapist for his son and had taken a couple of weeks off to start the transition.

All these months later, Connor was healing. Declan had no idea where he was on his own journey, but wasn’t sure that mattered. Iris was gone and he honestly didn’t know if he was sad about that or still angry or just plain exhausted by the whole thing.

  “You don’t have to help me clean up,” Sunshine said as Declan carried dishes to the counter.

“I don’t mind. You did all the cooking.”

She laughed. “I always do all the cooking. It’s part of my job description.”

Within a day or two of his hiring her, she’d said she was happy to cook dinner every night but her days off. Declan had been relieved and had immediately increased her salary to reflect the new responsibilities.

“Is the cleaning service working out?” he asked. “Is once a week enough?”

“You and your son are surprisingly tidy, so yes. Once a week is fine.”

“Let me know if you want them more often.”

“I will.”

While she rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, he wiped down the counters. They both finished at the same time. Declan picked up the bottle of wine.

“Another glass?”

She hesitated a second before nodding. “Sure. Thank you.”

They sat on the bar stools at the island. He was careful to keep his distance. While he might find Sunshine the stuff of fantasies, he would never say or do anything to make her uncomfortable. She was great with his son and he didn’t want to risk losing her.

“I’m glad the ant farm is a hit,” she said.

“Me, too. He was so quiet after his mom died. It’s good to hear him laughing and see him interested in things again.”

“I’m sure it is. He’s healing, Declan. I can see it happening in the few short weeks I’ve been here.”

“Does he talk about his mom with you?”

“Sometimes. I know he misses her. When he seems sad, I ask him to tell me about her.” She smiled. “He has some great memories. He’s old enough that they should stay with him for the rest of his life.”

“I hope so.”

She picked up her wine, then put it down. “At the risk of going places I shouldn’t, are you laughing much these days?”

“More than I was.” An honest answer that avoided his ambivalence.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

He drew back so quickly, he nearly fell off his chair. “Are you asking if I’m dating?” He had to clear his throat and consciously lower his voice. “As in...dating?”

Her mouth twitched as if she were trying to hide a smile. “Yes, that was the question.”

“It’s only been five months. That’s way too soon.” Dating? He couldn’t imagine it. How would that happen? Where would he meet someone and why would he want to?

“Okay, just checking. My point was going to be you might want to talk to Connor’s therapist before introducing him to a new woman in your life. Maybe get some pointers on the best way to do it. I’m great with a barbecue and I can do a killer spelling test study session but I have zero experience with the loss of a parent in these circumstances.”

Which meant she had some experience with the loss of a parent, he reasoned. Probably a topic he should follow up on, only he couldn’t get the dating question out of his mind.

“Are you seeing someone?” he asked, then held up a hand. “Sorry. Not an appropriate question.”

“Why not? Declan, I live in your house and cook your meals and do your laundry. I think it’s okay for us to be friends.”

“I’m not clear on the nanny rules.” Except for the one that said he should in no way think she was hot.

“They’re not very complicated. Mine is mostly that you should be a good dad. You’re doing that one.”

“You probably want the check to clear, as well.”

She laughed. “Okay, yes. So those two.” She drew in a breath. “I’m not seeing anyone. Things ended with my last boyfriend a few months ago and since then, I’ve been trying to do things differently.”

“What does that mean?”

She looked at him. “I’m trying not to be dumb when it comes to men. I want to be less impulsive, more thoughtful. I want something real.”

“Like falling in love?”

“More than that. Falling in love with someone who sees us having a future together. I want a guy who respects me as a person and doesn’t just see me as a piece of ass.” She winced. “Sorry. Saying that would be an example of my impulsive side.”

He was too busy feeling guilty about his sexual feelings toward her to be bothered. “No apologies required. You’re saying you want it to be...”

“Not about sex for once.”

“I miss sex.”

Declan had not intended to say that out loud. He was only supposed to think it. Horror swept through him as he frantically tried to figure out a way to call it back or unsay it or apologize.