The Storm Crow (The Storm Crow, #1)(79)

“And you?” I asked. “What’s her excuse for the way she treats you?”

He stiffened, edges turning sharp as a blade. For a moment, I thought I’d gone too far. Then he said, “She hates me.”

I lifted my gaze to his face, but he wouldn’t look at me.

The words came pouring out of him. “She says every time she sees me, all she can think about is what those soldiers did to her family. She says I look exactly like my father, that I’m just a reminder of him. She sent me away to Darkward as soon as she could, breaking years of tradition of training the royal children in the castle. She seemed to think if she treated me terribly enough, I’d disappear, and so would her memories.”

“That’s horrible.” My hands trembled. “Is that why you’re going along with this marriage? You think it’ll change the way she treats you?”

“At first.” He smiled faintly. “But despite your best efforts, my feelings toward you changed while I was in Rhodaire. I tried to make you feel powerless, but you stayed strong. You didn’t care what I thought. You said what you wanted, and you didn’t back down.” He leaned closer, eyes falling to my lips.

My face grew hot, and I looked away. I didn’t know what I felt toward Ericen anymore, but it wasn’t what his eyes implied he felt. His words made my chest ache. This wasn’t how I’d been expecting this all to go when I’d come to the home of my enemy.

When I didn’t respond, Ericen stood to go. My throat tightened as I tried to school my expression into something that didn’t betray every emotion hurtling through me.

“Why does your mother want us to marry so badly?” I asked. “It won’t give Illucia control of Rhodaire. Are you going to hold me hostage to convince Caliza to hand the kingdom over? Because she won’t do it.”

His eyes glowed silver in the moonlight trickling in through the high windows. “I don’t know why she’s so determined to have it done. Maybe she just wants to establish a connection.” His tone was short, curt, like a person who’d made himself vulnerable and felt uncomfortable about it.

I should have said something back.

“I don’t think your mother ever intends for you to rule Illucia.” There was only one way establishing this connection between our kingdoms would do her any good: if Illucia conquered Rhodaire, deposed Kuren and Caliza, and appointed Ericen and me in her place. Then Rhodaire would be under her control, but it’d have a Rhodairen queen. A smooth way to handle a hostile takeover, but it also meant Ericen would be king of Rhodaire, not Illucia.

Ericen’s jaw tightened as he saw where my mind had taken me, deep scarlet flushing his pale skin. Without a word, he stalked for the exit.

“Ericen!” I called, and he paused, turning in the doorway. A question I didn’t want to ask but knew I had to burned in my throat. Finally, I forced the words out. “Did my mother order that attack?”

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t listen to her. She’s trying to justify what she’s doing.”

“You don’t know then,” I said quietly.

He hesitated, then shook his head.

I dropped my gaze to the foot of my bed, stomach turning.

“Thia?” I looked up at his voice. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop her.”

He didn’t wait for my reply before exchanging places with Kiva, and I was thankful. I didn’t know what to say. Didn’t stop her. Not couldn’t. He hadn’t done this to me, but he hadn’t prevented it either, and that was the problem. He kept following Razel’s orders.

How could I compete with a control rooted that deep?

Kiva refused my attempts to get her to sleep in her bed. Even awkwardly splayed in the chair, she was out before me. I stared at the ceiling for some time, trying to imagine the mother I thought I knew ordering Lord Turren to kill Razel’s family, my mind running rampant with thoughts of crows tearing people apart.

Had it been revenge for my father’s death, another turn in this endless cycle?

I tried counting crows, but it was no use. Despite the murkwood-induced grogginess, my mind wouldn’t rest. Not with my hand aching despite the pain tonic, not with so many unanswered questions rebounding in my head, and not when my fate and the fate of my kingdom would be decided in the next couple of days.

Then there was Ericen. I didn’t know what to make of him. He was a product of his mother’s neglect and cruelty, but he could change. I’d meant what I had said to Kiva: Illucia needed a ruler like him.

And he likes me.

Guilt rattled my chest. Using Ericen’s feelings for me to manipulate him into joining me was something Razel would do. No, I hadn’t given Ericen any reason to think I thought of him as anything more than a friend. Besides, manipulation required subtlety. Not my greatest skill. But maybe that was okay. If he didn’t immediately refuse to ally with me, it might mean he was interested and willing to listen.

I groaned and pressed the fingers of my uninjured hand to my temples, the beginnings of a headache threatening. This was too much to think about at midnight after a long day, but sleep still proved elusive.

Carefully, I slid out of bed. My dress had been replaced with a thick nightgown and a long pair of socks, which I covered with my boots. A cloak hung in the corner, and I secured it over my shoulders before slipping outside.