The Storm Crow (The Storm Crow, #1)(64)

He regarded me with a sidelong look, and for an instant, I saw Caylus, his curls falling over bright, curious green eyes, head tilted in question. I blinked the image away to find Ericen regarding me strangely.

“I understand. Though I have to say I thought we’d moved past that.”

A warning prickled in my chest. “Moved past what?”

He looked at Callo as he said, “What my mother did.”

“You mean ripping everything and everyone I ever loved away from me?” My voice surprised even me with its cool edge.

He stiffened, fingers curling and uncurling into fists. But he didn’t respond. For some reason, his silence was worse. It broke something inside me, and what came rushing out was hot and sharp.

“You destroyed our way of life!” My voice erupted. It seemed strange it’d taken this long for this conversation to happen. But as I stood glaring at him, my hands clenched, I understood why. Because until now, until this moment, it wouldn’t have mattered.

My hatred for him when we’d first met had softened. At the beginning, I’d thought accusing him of taking everything from me would have just given him satisfaction. Now, some absurd part of me actually expected him to apologize, to explain, to say it wasn’t his fault.

I wanted him to give me a reason not to hate him.

Ericen was quiet for a long moment, focused on Callo as the horse ate. Finally, he found my gaze, his blue eyes nearly silver in the moonlight. “Do you know why my mother attacked Rhodaire?”

“Because Illucians are power-hungry mongrels who want to own the world?”

He smirked, and the familiar one-sided twitch of his lips made me want to punch him. “Yes, that’s part of it. But with Rhodaire, it was personal.”

“Some rogue soldiers from the Turren Wing killed part of your mother’s family,” I said quietly. “But they were punished by us and her.” She had used their anger at Rhodaire for stripping them of their ranks and crows to sway them to her side and carry out Ronoch. Then she’d executed them.

“Do you know exactly what they did?” When I shook my head, he continued. “They cornered her husband, mother, and older sister, and she was forced to watch as they ordered their crows to tear her family apart.”

I felt behind me for the barn wall and leaned against it, my throat tightening.

“My mother didn’t even want to be queen.” A despondent smile crossed his lips. “She wanted to breed horses. But with her sister dead and her father soon after, she had no choice.”

She had had her family and future taken from her in one bloody night. I understood what that was like. And Ericen—he hadn’t called Razel’s husband his father.

“Your father…” I began.

He shook his head. “They didn’t touch her, not like that. I never even met him though. Calling him ‘Father’ seems…strange.”

I understood. I’d never known my father either. He felt so far away, like a figment of my imagination or a memory faded over time.

“I wasn’t part of the raid that killed your crows,” he added quietly. “I was still at Darkward. If that means anything.”

It did, and I hated that it did, because Ericen was supposed to be my enemy. I was supposed to come here and pretend to be the good little fiancée while I organized a rebellion against his kingdom and hatched a crow.

I wasn’t supposed to care about him.

“Why do you help her, Ericen? Why are you going along with any of this? You must know it’s wrong. The conscription, the conquering, all of it.”

“Of course I know! But Illucian soldiers serve for life. If I left, I’d be hunted down and executed without mercy.” His eyes narrowed. “Don’t look at me like that.”

I drew back. “Like what?”

“Like you feel sorry for me. I’m not telling you this to earn your pity. This is just the way it is.” He shrugged, as if that simple action could dismiss the severity of his words. “I will earn the respect my mother denied me. I will take her place as Valix and king and do something better with this kingdom than she has.”

“By killing rebels and conscripting children?” I asked.

A muscle flexed in his jaw. “I didn’t volunteer for that raid. My mother ordered me to go in exchange for your trips into the city without guards.”

My anger seized, as if it’d struck a wall. He’d made a deal with his mother. If he hadn’t, who knew what trouble those Vykryn could have caused. They might have been tailing me the night of the ball and followed me to Caylus’s. And Res… I shuddered and prayed Ericen thought it was the cold.

“Thank you,” I said. A wind gusted through the stables, taking the tension with it.

“I meant what I said, Thia,” he said softly. “I don’t want to be your enemy.”

I felt as though I’d reached the edge of a cliff, and tipping over, letting myself fall, could mean redemption…or destruction. Could I really trust this boy, who was at once everything I had learned to hate and yet none of it at all?

“If not enemies,” I began, “then what?”

“Friends?” he suggested, stepping toward me. “I’m in rather short supply.”

“Have you tried being nice to people? I’ve heard that works wonders.”