The Storied Life of A. J. Fikry(50)

“You could have asked!”

“Shut up, A.J. Stop apologizing, Mother Fikry,” Amelia says. “It’s the perfect gift for a family of readers. Lots of bookstores are figuring out ways to sell e-books along with conventional paper books. A.J. just doesn’t want to—”

A.J. interrupts. “You know that’s bullshit, Amy!”

“You are being so rude,” Amelia says. “You can’t put your head in the sand and act like e-readers don’t exist. That’s no way to deal with anything.”

“Do you smell smoke?” Maya asks.

A second later, the fire alarm goes off.

“Oh hell!” Amelia says. “The brisket!” She runs into the kitchen, and A.J. follows her. “I had my phone set to go off, but it didn’t.”

“I put your phone on silent so that it wouldn’t ruin Christmas!” A.J. says.

“You what? Stop touching my phone.”

“Why not use the timer that came with the oven?”

“Because I DO NOT TRUST IT! That oven is about one hundred years old like everything else in this house if you haven’t noticed.” Amelia yells as she removes the flaming brisket from the oven.

AS THE BRISKET is ruined, Christmas dinner consists entirely of side dishes.

“I like the sides the best,” A.J.’s mother says.

“Me too,” Maya says.

“No substance,” A.J. mutters. “They leave you hungry.” He has a headache, which he does no favors by drinking several glasses of red wine.

“Would someone ask A.J. to pass the wine?” Amelia says. “And would someone tell A.J. he is hogging the bottle?”

“Very mature,” A.J. says. He pours her another glass.

“I honestly can’t wait to try it out, Nana,” Maya whispers to her stricken grandmother. “I’m going to wait until I go to bed.” She darts her eyes toward A.J. “You know.”

“I think that’s a very good idea,” A.J.’s mother whispers back.

THAT NIGHT IN BED, A.J. is still talking about the e-reader. “Do you know the real problem with that contraption?”

“I suppose you are about to tell me,” Amelia says without looking up from her paper book.

“Everyone thinks they have good taste, but most people do not have good taste. In fact, I’d argue that most people have terrible taste. When left to their own devices— literally their own devices—they read crap and they don’t know the difference.”

“Do you know what the good thing about e-readers is?” Amelia asks.

“No, Madame Bright Side,” A.J. says. “And I don’t want to.”

“Well, for those of us with husbands who are growing farsighted, and I’m not going to mention any names here. For those of us with husbands who are rapidly becoming middle-aged and losing their vision. For those of us burdened by pathetic half men for spouses—”

“Get to it, Amy!”

“An e-reader allows these cursed creatures to enlarge the text as much as they’d like.”

A.J. says nothing.

Amelia sets down her book to smile smugly at her husband, but when she looks over the man is frozen. A.J. is having one of his episodes. The episodes trouble Amelia, though she reminds herself not to be worried.

A minute and a half later, A.J. comes to. “I’ve always been a bit farsighted,” he says. “It’s not about being middle-aged.”

She wipes the spittle from the corners of his mouth with a Kleenex.

“Christ, did I just black out?” A.J. asks.

“You did.”

He grabs the tissue from Amelia. He is not the type of man who likes being tended to in this way. “How long?”

“About ninety seconds, I’d guess.” Amelia pauses. “Is that long or average?”

“Maybe a bit long but basically average.”

“Do you think you should go in for a checkup?”

“No,” A.J. says. “You know I’ve had these since I was a chive.”

“A chive?” she asks.

“A child. What did I say?” A.J. gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom, and Amelia follows him. “Please, Amy. A little space.”

“I don’t want to give you space,” she says.

“Fine.”

“I want you to go to the doctor. That’s three of these since Thanksgiving.”

A.J. shakes his head. “My health insurance is crap, Amy darling. And Dr. Rosen will say it’s the same thing I’ve had for years anyway. I’ll go see the doctor in March for my annual like I always do.”

Amelia goes into the bathroom. “Maybe Dr. Rosen can give you a new medication?” She squeezes between him and the bathroom mirror, resting her generous bum on the new double-sink counter that they installed last month. “You are very important, A.J.”

“I’m not exactly the president,” he retorts.

“You are the father of Maya. And the love of my life. And a purveyor of culture to this community.”

A.J. rolls his eyes, then he kisses Amelia the bright-sider on the mouth.

CHRISTMAS AND NEW Year’s are over; his mother is happily returned to Arizona; Maya is back to school and Amelia to work. The real gift of the holiday season, A.J. thinks, is that it ends. He likes the routine. He likes making breakfast in the morning. He likes running to work.