The Startup Wife(87)

I linger for a few more beats on the sensation of Cyrus, of holding Cyrus, pressing my face into his neck, his smell like rubbing a leaf against my hand.

And then I turn my attention to the thing we have broken. How I will fix it. Whether there is a way to fix it at all. I think about what will happen when I turn up at the office in a few minutes, whom I will talk to first, whether I will sit behind Cyrus’s desk or remain where I’ve always been, leading from the middle. I wonder if our users will take me seriously, if they will forgive me for what happened to Stephen, or if they’ll turn against the platform and shut us down. And I wonder about Rupert and Craig, whether they will let me run the company and if they will ever listen to what I have to say. More than anything, I wonder if it all will have been worth it. All that time trying to anticipate what people want and how to give it to them, how to answer their collective need for connection, while keeping sight of my own human self. And even if I solve that, will there be any point to it if the world as we know it collapses around us? I think of the question Li Ann asked me from the start, about what we will do when all the things that are familiar are gone, when the scaffolding of our lives comes apart and leaves us with the terrifying opportunity to start over. I would usually turn to Cyrus to answer these big questions, but it’s up to me now. All of this is ahead, in the minutes and hours and days before me. I gather my coat and lace up my shoes, close the door behind me, and move toward a future—uncertain and unknown—and of my own making.





Acknowledgments


My thanks, first and foremost, to Roland, for being the kind of real-life romantic hero I can only hope to capture in writing, and to Rumi and Roxy for helping me find my funny bone. I love you all so much.

Thank you to Sarah Chalfant, Alba Ziegler-Bailey, and all my friends at The Wylie Agency for more than a decade of support, cheerleading, encouragement, tear wiping, and for humoring me when I tried to publish this book under a pseudonym because I was worried it wasn’t serious enough. Sarah, you are the best agent and friend a girl could ask for, and I will always be grateful for whatever stars conspired to bring you into my life. My love, also, to Daisy and Clementine, for letting me watch you both grow into such beautiful, opinionated young women.

My gratitude to Jamie Byng for publishing all my books with the enthusiasm and spirit of adventure that only he can summon, and for setting me up on the world’s best publishing blind date with Nan Graham and Kara Watson at Scribner. Thanks also to Jenny Fry, for many dumplings and much encouragement over the years, to Ellah Allfrey for superb editorial guidance, and to Francis Bickmore, Alice Shortland, Lucy Zhou, Gill Heeley, Aa’Ishah Hawton, and all the magicians at Canongate. Thank you to Nan Graham for taking a chance on Rose Lanam. To Kara Watson: making you LOL over email has become an important life mission. Thank you for reading countless drafts and for your insightful, intelligent, gracious editing.

Thank you to Jason Richman, Addison Duffy, and A. J. Leone at UTA for sending Asha’s story into the world.

Many thanks to the entire ROLI crew—team, board, investors—especially Corey Harrower and Sarah Kosar—for letting me be your resident anthropologist. Thank you to Joe Treasure for always giving me a safe place to send writing I’m too embarrassed to show anyone else. Thank you to Michael Puett for reading an early draft and giving me the kind of enthusiastic support that has buoyed me through many moments of doubt, and thank you to David Grewal and Daniela Cammack for getting married in Cambridge City Hall. Thank you to Inshra Russell for brilliant website design.

To my people: Bee Rowlatt, Maha Khan Phillips, KS, Anya Serota, Leesa Gazi, Nazia Du Bois, Sohini Alam, Rohini Alam, Sawsan Eskander, Alexandra Pringle, Nataleigh Rene, Kate Enright, and Rachel Holmes—you are the feminist cavalry of my dreams.

And finally, thank you to my sister, who is exactly Asha’s age and remains my inspiration for all things sassy, cool, and DGAF. And to my truly excellent parents, for a lifetime of love and encouragement. May we never be parted again as we have been in the Age of Covid.