The Spitfire Girls(31)

May sighed. ‘You should go. It sounds like she’s missing you terribly.’

‘It’s her birthday in a few months’ time, and I was hoping I might be able to save up some leave, head home for a few days?’

May wondered how many men existed like Ben. He worked all day with his hands, bent over engines for so many hours his back must ache by nightfall, but he never complained about it. He complained about the state of the engines plenty, but never about the work he did.

‘So, did you get one?’ he asked.

‘Did I get what?’ She was lost in her own thoughts.

‘A letter, silly.’

‘Oh, ah, yes. From my mother.’

‘How is she? Missing her girl?’

May sighed. Two years, she thought. It had been two years today since Johnny had been taken from them, and the anniversary was making it even harder than usual to think about her family. Or maybe it was amplifying her guilt at not seeing them or being in touch with them for so long.

‘I actually haven’t read it yet.’

Ben took a step forward, his gaze fixed on her, so that she couldn’t look away.

‘One of these days I’m going to ask you about your family, May,’ he said. ‘And I’m not going to let you walk away without answering.’

She shivered. ‘And one of these days I might tell you,’ she said, hoping she sounded stronger than she felt. ‘Now go and check that engine over one last time and send Ruby up. I want her running rings around Dunlop by tomorrow!’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ Ben said, grinning as he started to jog backwards.

But then something about her face must have told him that she wasn’t strong today, that she wasn’t capable of joking around and pretending everything was fine. He stopped and walked back towards her, his smile gone as he reached for her hands.

‘That day’s today, isn’t it?’ he said softly. ‘It’s time I asked you what you’re hiding, what happened to your family. What has this war taken from you, May?’

May’s lips parted as she fought for the words she was suddenly desperate to share.

‘I lost someone,’ she murmured. ‘I lost someone, two years ago today.’

Ben watched her silently, his fingers tightening around hers.

‘Johnny, my brother,’ she said, just loud enough for him to hear. ‘It’s why I don’t go home, and it’s why I’m so determined to keep these girls safe. I can’t lose anyone else, Ben. I just can’t.’

She trusted him with her life whenever she went up in the air, and for some reason she trusted him enough with her secret now, too. He opened his arms, pulling her in, holding her as she clung to him. She wanted to cry, to sob, but she sucked it all in, too scared to let go. Instead she shuddered in silence.

‘You’ve kept this to yourself?’ he asked. ‘All this time?’

May nodded. The relief of admitting the truth to someone was like a pressure valve releasing, letting her breathe again. ‘Yes. No one else knows anything about my personal life, but today . . .’ Her voice trailed off. ‘Today is one of those days that’s even harder than all the rest.’

‘Your secret’s safe with me, May,’ he said, stroking her hair as she held him, breathing in the scent of his aftershave mixed with the distinct smell of engine oil. ‘You can trust me.’

I know, she thought, even though she didn’t say it.

He slowly let her go and pulled a flask from his pocket. ‘I think your brother would be proud of the work you’re doing,’ he said, unscrewing the top and passing it to her.

May hesitantly took a tiny sip before giving it back to him, wincing at the burn in her throat.

‘To Johnny,’ he said, raising the flask to his lips.

‘To Johnny,’ she whispered back.



Later that day, when the girls were all back and May was seated at her desk again, she studied the room. Some of the pilots had left already; others were milling around, and some, like Ruby, had their heads bent over books. But it was Lizzie who caught her attention, sulking, her bottom lip pushed out as she glared at the open book in front of her.

Resenting Lizzie or disliking her wasn’t doing anyone any good, and no matter how annoying she might be, May needed everyone to be part of the team. Taking her off her training wasn’t going to help with that, unless it had miraculously humbled her, which May seriously doubted.

‘Dunlop,’ she called, beckoning for Lizzie to join her.

Lizzie moved slowly, stretching out long like a cat before rising and crossing the room.

‘More punishment?’ she asked, holding up her hands. ‘Because trust me, after the day I had yesterday, I promise to behave. I surrender.’

May tried not to show how pleased she was to hear these words. Maybe her plan hadn’t been so bad after all. Besides, it wasn’t as if she didn’t admire Lizzie’s ambition. Lizzie was probably the one woman who understood her desire to establish a squadron and prove what women were capable of; May just struggled with her lack of awareness and team spirit.

‘What are you doing this weekend? I’m aware you have two days’ leave, the same as Ruby.’

Lizzie shrugged. ‘I’ll likely head back to White Waltham.’

May saw Ruby watching them and waved her over.