The Silent Sister(101)

“I love it,” I said instead.

“That tells me so much about you,” she said. “It tells me who you are, deep down inside. Daddy told me a little about Danny and how rough it’s been for him, but he wouldn’t ever tell me anything about you. I do know where you live, though,” she said. “I found your address about a year ago. You’re in Durham, right?” She rattled off my street address with startling ease.

I nodded. Some students had found my address, too. It wasn’t hard to do. But I doubted that my students had it memorized and I felt both touched and unnerved that she did.

“I thought of writing to you a million times,” she said. “I wanted to see you so badly, but there was no way to do that without risking everything. I would have sent myself—and Daddy—to prison.” She swallowed hard, and I saw the effort it took for her to hold herself together at the thought of prison. “Now I guess it’s going to happen anyway.” She suddenly wore a faraway look. “At least they can’t get to Daddy,” she added. “Thank God for that.”

“I’m so sorry I’ve stirred the pot,” I said.

She shook her head as if clearing prison out of her mind. “Are you married?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “I know you are, though. Jeannie and I saw the photographs from your wedding. We saw Daddy there.” I felt foolish saying the word Daddy in front of her when she knew better than anyone he was not my daddy at all.

“How could you possibly have seen the pictures?” Her eyes, the same clear blue as Danny’s, were wide.

“They came up when I searched for Jasha Trace.”

“Wow.” She leaned back in her chair. “I never thought they’d be public like that. We weren’t careful enough.” She gave me a weak smile. “Having Daddy at the wedding was the most wonderful gift I could imagine, though, Riley,” she said. “I hadn’t seen him in so many years, and I could hardly believe he was there. We told everyone he was my uncle and he played along with it perfectly. He met our kids and they loved him.” She looked at me quizzically. “Do you know I have children?”

I nodded, ignoring how much the question hurt.

“Alex and Zoe,” she said. “I wish you could meet them. Daddy was so good with them at the wedding. I think he had a great time. He even jammed with the band. I hadn’t seen that lighthearted side to him since I was a kid.”

“I never got to see it.” My voice trembled. My father’s heart was already heavy by the time I was old enough to truly know him. Danny was right: Lisa and her fake suicide had destroyed our family.

Lisa bit her lip. “Oh,” she said softly. “I’m sorry, Riley.”

I drew in a breath, knowing I was about to make myself totally vulnerable. “When I saw those wedding pictures,” I said, “I felt so left out.”

She looked stunned. “Oh, baby.” Her chair was close enough that she could lean over and touch my hand. “Of course you did!” she said. “I’m so sorry.”

I didn’t want to cry. My mind scrambled to find a safer subject, but there were precious few. I thought of Matty. “After Jeannie told me you were my mother,” I said, “I tried to call Matthew Harrison, but he’s in Japan with a group of kids. Are you in touch with him at all?”

She looked puzzled. “Why would you call Matty?”

“He’s my father, isn’t he?”

She shook her head slowly. “Oh, no, honey,” she said. “That was a boy I met in Italy. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t even know his name.”

“Oh.” I felt so disappointed. I’d wanted it to be Matthew. Someone I might have been able to meet. To know and to like. I sank lower into the chair, my hands still wrapped around Violet’s case. Lisa didn’t seem to know what to say any more than I did, and the silence filling the room was suffocating.

“Danny…” I said. “I never would have told him anything if I’d known he’d start digging for more information on you. I didn’t realize there was so much to hide, and by the time I did, it was too late. He wants to see you pay. You have no idea how much he … hates you.”

She tightened her lips when I said the word hate. “Please don’t blame yourself,” she said, but the look in her eyes was distant, and I knew she wasn’t thinking about me at that moment. She let out a sigh. “I’ll be back to looking over my shoulder every second, I guess,” she said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to do that.” She shut her eyes as if collecting her emotions, and when she opened them again, her face was pained. “This is so frustrating, Riley!” she said. “I want time with you and I don’t know how to get it.”

Her words lit a spark of anger in me—anger I hadn’t even known was there.

“You could have had all the time in the world with me if you hadn’t left.” I tried to speak softly to take the sting out of my words, but she still looked hurt.

“I didn’t want to be your mother from behind bars,” she said.

“Maybe you wouldn’t have had to serve that much time if you’d stayed for the trial,” I said. “I know what happened was an accident.”

“Please, Riley.” She slowly shook her head. “Let’s not waste our time together talking about this,” she said. “Let’s not talk about things that can’t be changed.”