The Shadow Throne (The Ascendance Trilogy, #3)(61)

What was left of the Carthyan camp belonged to Avenia now. The land was littered with our wounded and dead, and if I didn’t find a way out, the rest of us would be dead by tomorrow.

I didn’t look back as I escaped into the forest.





Of the thousand men who had been stationed at Falstan Lake, fewer than a couple hundred had made it into the forest. We took refuge deep within the thickest part of the woods where little light from the stars broke through. A few fires were already built, and my soldiers huddled around them, exhausted, broken, and without hope. Tobias and Amarinda were busy treating the mildly wounded, but the more seriously injured remained in the wagons. Nothing could save them.

And then there was Mott, his life teetering at the edge of death. I stood beside the wagon that had carried him here, feeling more helpless than I ever had before. Tobias had already bound the stab wound, but Mott was still struggling for breath and falling in and out of consciousness.

“What can be done to save him?” I asked Tobias quietly.

Tobias only shrugged. “Everything was left behind in our camp. All the bandages, and medicines, and tools. I found an aravac plant to help with his pain. But I can’t save him. Not here.”

Until his last drawn breath, I would never give up on Mott. How many times had he expressed his willingness to follow me into the devils’ lair and back again? War had come, and he had indeed followed me down the darkest of paths. He remained there now, hovering in the shadows between life and death. I had to lead him back out again. But it would cost me dearly.

I bit on my lip as I considered my options. Or, if I was being honest, there was only one terrible choice left. It had always been in the back of my mind, as if I knew from the beginning that something like this would be inevitable. Once the decision was made, every other random possibility I’d ever considered came together in my mind like a completed puzzle. To Tobias, I said, “If you had those supplies, could you save him?”

“I could probably save many of these men. But —” Tobias’s eyes narrowed. “No, Jaron. Whatever you’re thinking —”

“I’m thinking that Mott is going to die!” I hissed. “I already lost Imogen and it nearly destroyed me. We’re going to lose this war too. I will not lose any more lives.”

“What about your life? That camp is crawling with Avenians. You cannot sneak back there!”

“No,” I mumbled, “I can’t sneak in. But I will get those supplies.” He called after me when I strode away, but I refused to acknowledge him. The last thing I needed was rational advice.

Amarinda found me several minutes later as I was at the edge of our refuge, saddling a horse. Her fists were clenched and her shoulders thrown back. I recognized that posture from the many times Imogen had been angry with me. Now Amarinda said, “I know where you’re going. Jaron, I am begging you not to do this!”

I had no interest in quarreling with her. For better or worse, nothing could change my mind at this point. “Tobias must be desperate if he sent you to stop me.”

“He sent me too.” Fink appeared from behind her. “Please don’t go.”

I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. With my eyes still on the saddle, I said, “This has to be done, Fink. Even if you don’t understand that yet.”

“I understand it plenty. They’re going to kill you!”

Did he think my fate was any better if I stayed in the woods? Even if none of us wanted to say it, we all knew there would be another battle tomorrow, far worse than today’s disaster. No matter how hard we fought, or how cleverly I planned, by sunset tomorrow, several hundred more would be dead. I would be one of them.

“What would Imogen want you to do?” Amarinda asked. “If she asked you to stay here, would you run so openly toward your own death?”

My voice was gentle when I spoke to her. “It’s never been a secret that I’ve had no desire to be king. Why did people think that was? I always knew how this might end.” Then I turned back to the saddle to tighten the straps. “But it’s all right. I understand now what Imogen did for me, and that’s what I’ve got to do for Carthya.”

“Imogen would —”

“She would hate me for this.” I released the saddle straps and took Amarinda by the hand instead. “But that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. I’m going to try my best, and I still have some options. But if things go badly, and they might, then don’t be sad for me.” She looked away, but she needed to understand that I intended to bring this war to an end. One way or another, I would soon be at peace, which was all I had ever wanted. “Imogen will meet me in the afterlife. My family will be there too, and Mott if I don’t get him those medicines.”

When he spoke, the muscles on Fink’s face became pinched and knotted. “What about me? You’re the only family I’ve got.” His tone nearly stopped me then. He’d already gone through believing me to be dead once. I hated to make him endure that again.

I released Amarinda, and then reached for my sword, which I had left propped against a tree. I told Fink to hold out his hands, and into them I placed my sword.

“Take care of this,” I said. “You’re a knight of Carthya, remember? This sword belongs to you now.”

“Only until you come back.” He lowered the sword to his side, then said, “Come back, please. I don’t want to be alone again.”