The Shadow Throne (The Ascendance Trilogy, #3)(13)

Roden caught up to me once we had moved farther from the men. “Don’t walk away. We have to talk about what he said.”

“Why? Can you change it?” My mind raced as I struggled with the Gelynian’s question. I thought Vargan’s plans were for me, so Mott would have the better chance of moving safely through the Avenian camp. But no, even if he was careful, Mott would enter that camp with no idea that the vigils there were watching for him.

Mott wouldn’t tell them my strategies for the war, no matter what they might do to him. But it wasn’t only his life at stake. What would he do when Imogen was threatened?

Roden asked, “How much does he know, Jaron?”

“Enough to bring Carthya to its knees.” Mott had asked me to trust him, and so I had. And now both he and Imogen would pay for that.

“Let me take some of the men from here.” Roden grabbed my arm to slow me from walking. “We’ll rescue them both.”

“And give them more targets for our secrets?” I slowed, but did not stop. “Within three days, Gelyn’s army will arrive here. They cannot cross into Carthya. For that, you will need every man we have. Even then, it won’t be enough unless Bymar gets here in time.”

“Then what will you —” Roden’s jaw went slack and he started shaking his head. “Jaron, you can’t. You’re our king.”

“I may wear a crown, but in my heart I am still a thief. Nobody would know better how to get into that camp.” Before he could protest further, I added, “Have my horse made ready by morning. I leave at dawn.”





Roden was waiting beside my horse when I emerged from a tent early the following morning.

“Did you sleep?” he asked me.

I ignored that and instead gestured around the area. “Who attended to my horse? Where are your men?”

With a sigh, he said, “They were tired.”

“Roden, you’ll never —”

But he anticipated my reprimand and cut me off. “The order to rest came from me, not them. I promise that I will learn how to lead them, how to be your captain. But you must let me do it in my own way.”

All I could do was nod back at him. If anything, I was far more flawed as a leader than he seemed to be, and it was hard enough to find my own way forward. So I embraced him for a farewell and a wish for his success, and then swung into Mystic’s saddle.

“Let me come with you,” Roden said. “My horse is ready to ride.”

“Thank you.” I meant that with far more sincerity than my tone could offer. “But it’s not wise for us both to go. Just in case . . .”

“As long as you keep fighting, I will too,” he said. “Whatever comes next, for either of us.”

“Help is coming soon.” My words came from hope rather than certainty, but I wanted him to believe it. “Tobias and Amarinda will get through to Bymar. She will convince them to send her armies here to join you.”

Roden squinted against the morning sun as he stared up at me. “The princess has to cross through Avenia first. We both know how dangerous that is, and Tobias won’t be any help if they’re caught. If they don’t make it —”

“Whether Bymar comes or not, you must hold this border,” I said to him. “The combined strength of Avenia and Mendenwal might still destroy us, but at least we have some chance. If Gelyn gets through, there is no hope. None.”

Roden brushed a hand down Mystic’s neck, and then gathered the reins into his fist. “It’s bad enough that the king I’ve sworn to protect is going to Avenia on his own. Can you at least promise me that you know what you’re doing, that you’re undistracted?”

I steeled my voice and answered, “This is what I want. My head is in this.”

He frowned. “And what of your heart?” I turned away, but he added, “Jaron, are you in love with Imogen?”

That brought a sigh from me. “It’s complicated.”

But Roden only shook his head. “I have no one in my life. No family, no girl. For me, love isn’t complicated at all.”

I stared through empty air until I lost focus of the world. “I cannot love her.”

“Of course you can. I know she already —”

“No, Roden, I cannot love her. That choice was never given to me.” There was a silence before I added, “And if I cannot love her, then I will not ask her to feel anything for me.”

“I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Whatever she says, whatever she has made you believe, she cannot choose to feel nothing for you.”

But that’s exactly what she had done. The last time we were together, she had denied loving me, and in fact had suggested almost the opposite. I shook those thoughts from my head and said, “Nor did she choose to die in a plot to uncover my secrets. I will free her, and return her to her life. There can be nothing more.”

After a delay, he said, “I knew you could lie, Jaron. I just didn’t think you’d lie to yourself.” He frowned as he placed the reins into my hand. “After Gelyn surrenders, I will head back toward Drylliad. Now, go do what you must.”

I wanted to brush off his accusation with the ease of dismissing a servant, but I couldn’t. His words affected me more than he might have guessed. I dipped my head at Roden, and then urged Mystic to carry me away. At first I headed south, directly toward Libeth, but the words of the Gelynian commander echoed in my mind. Mendenwal had a cannon, which could rip my cities apart before we even had the chance to defend ourselves. It was probably at this time passing through the plains of Carthya, north of my castle. The land was vast through here, but for something of that size, they would have to take a main road.