The Secret Wife(96)
Back home, he was greeted by Malevich, now a rather elderly dog with grey whiskers and arthritic joints, but still retaining a puppyish enthusiasm. He could no longer jump up but licked Dmitri’s hand and wouldn’t stop following him all evening. It was midweek and the children were at college, but Rosa had made a feast of his favourite Russian dishes: Borscht soup, pirogi dumplings filled with meat and cheese, and a salmon coulibiac, with fish, rice, spinach and hard-boiled eggs wrapped in pastry. As he ate, Rosa told him the latest news: the children’s examination results, a neighbour who had been admitted to hospital, her worries for her mother, who was getting increasingly frail. Dmitri half-listened, making appropriate murmuring noises, and trying to calm her with his still presence, because she seemed agitated.
‘So these problems with the company, you are sure they are sorted?’ This was the excuse Dmitri had used for his delayed return. He nodded vaguely. ‘I wish you would leave the job now that we don’t need the money any more.’
‘They’re family,’ he soothed. ‘I can’t leave them in the lurch. But I’ve told Alex I’m resigning soon and he accepted it. I just have to find someone to take over.’
Rosa was pleased. ‘Do you have an idea what you will write next? Did Europe provide any inspiration for a new novel?’
‘Perhaps. I haven’t decided yet. As you know, I can only write in the peace and quiet of my own home.’
After dinner they went up to the bedroom where he opened his suitcase and gave her the presents he had brought from Europe: a bottle of the coveted Chanel No. 5 perfume from Coco Chanel’s rue Cambon shop in Paris; a recipe book from Vienna, written in German; and a length of fine silk from Milan, the iridescent turquoise of a kingfisher’s wings. He’d also brought gifts for the children, and for her mother and sister, and she admired them and complimented his taste.
And then came the moment he dreaded as Rosa leaned in to kiss him and reached her hand between his legs.
‘It’s been such a long time,’ she murmured.
He froze and began formulating the words to tell her that he was tired from the journey and needed to bathe, but his penis betrayed him by responding to her touch. Rosa knew his body intimately; his cells held a memory of all the sensual delights of their past decades, and it proved impossible to resist her. He liked the familiar way she used her muscles to grip him, the places she touched him, the little cry she gave as she came. That’s how Dmitri found himself making love to Rosa just twenty-four hours after he last made love to Tatiana.
Afterwards, as she lay in his arms, Dmitri experienced new depths of guilt. Of all the bad things he had done in his life this was the most despicable. He listed them in his head: he hadn’t visited his parents before they died because he was too busy trying – and failing – to rescue the Romanovs; he had almost certainly caused the death of the farm girl Yelena through his blinkered selfishness; he had done his best to save Tatiana but in doing so he might have sealed her family’s fate; he had let Rosa fall in love with him even though he loved another. But now, this huge infidelity – this was inexcusable.
During their stay with Valerina his sister had warned him he would never be able to manage an affair, that it would tear him apart. But how could he hurt either of these women? He couldn’t bear it. He loved them both in different ways, wanted them both to be happy and to be part of his life.
Rosa seemed to have no idea of his turmoil. She curled her body around his with a sigh of contentment and fell asleep in his arms.
The following day, Dmitri left home at the time he would normally go to the office, despite Rosa pleading with him to rest and recover from his jetlag. He drove straight to the town-centre hotel where Tatiana was installed and hurried up to her room, where he found her reading by the window, quite content to wait for him.
‘Is Rosa all right?’ she asked, smiling as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to ask.
‘Yes, fine.’ He was uncomfortable talking about Rosa. ‘And you? Is the hotel to your liking?’
‘It is utterly luxurious. I had a delicious dinner last night then spent an hour in the bath so I feel quite pampered.’ She smiled and stretched, cat-like.
He sat down on the bed. ‘Tatiana, I don’t think I can do this. The dishonesty feels fundamentally wrong. I think I should tell Rosa that I’ve found you and that we have to be together. She will be devastated but at least I won’t be lying to her.’
Tatiana shook her head decisively. ‘What you’re saying is that you would rather make Rosa suffer than live with your guilty conscience.’ She held his gaze. ‘If you hadn’t met me, would you be leaving Rosa now?’
‘Of course not.’
‘Well, our relationship need not change anything between you two. In her position, I would rather keep the man I love, with whom I had raised two children, than be left on my own.’
Dmitri sighed and pursed his lips.
‘You will get used to it. All will be well.’ Tatiana rose to put her arms round his neck, pulled his head to her breast. ‘First, we need to find somewhere for me to live.’
Dmitri resigned himself to the situation for now. ‘We can visit a real-estate agent this morning and pick out somewhere.’
She shook her head. ‘It’s best that we are not seen together around the town. Why don’t you choose? Pick an area where Rosa seldom goes but not too distant that you can’t visit easily. Whatever you like is fine with me, so long as it has a little outdoor space where I can grow a few plants. I will wait here for your return.’