The Secret Wife(33)
Rather than put his message into a letter, which might be intercepted, Dmitri asked Trina to tell Tatiana he would wait in the White Tower at ten o’clock each morning. If she was able to join him for a few minutes that would be wonderful, but he emphasised that she should not dream of putting herself in danger.
The next morning he got there at nine-thirty, hiding just inside the entrance to the tower in a spot where he could look along the path Tatiana would have to take. He did not have long to wait before he saw her strolling past the lake, stopping to pick wildflowers and placing them in a basket she carried over her arm. She was very thin, in a grey gown with a grey scarf tied over her head. Dmitri admired her elegant walk: she looked like a grand duchess even in peasant-style clothing. She bent by the water’s edge to pluck a white iris, checked the coast was clear, then scurried across to the tower’s entrance.
In an instant Dmitri pulled her into his arms and covered her face, her dear mouth, with kisses. ‘Oh my love,’ he breathed, but was unable to say any more. She still looked ill, her complexion pale and her cheeks hollow but there were no scars from the measles rash. He stroked her cheek with his finger and looked deep into her grey eyes, overwhelmed by the strength of his emotions.
‘I cannot stay long in case they miss me,’ she whispered, ‘but it is wonderful to see you.’
‘How are things in the palace?’ Dmitri asked. ‘Tell me the truth.’
She hesitated. ‘It’s full of drunken soldiers, smashing our precious belongings and carousing till all hours. There does not appear to be any discipline. Papa seems resigned to it and wanders round on his own without talking to any of us. Mama has taken to her bedchamber, where she works on her embroidery. I am the one who must raise everyone’s spirits and sometimes I confess it takes more energy than I can summon. But being here, with you, has revived me.’
‘I will be here every day at ten. And I am doing my best to secure your release.’
‘If only the British would hurry …’ she sighed.
Dmitri looked away. He couldn’t bear to be the one to tell her the British were no longer planning to rescue them. Instead he asked how she passed her days.
‘Papa and I are planting carrots and summer vegetables in a plot near the palace. I enjoy working with the soil, although my nails are suffering.’ She held out her hands to show him, and he kissed each palm in turn. ‘And you? What are you doing?’
‘I have lodgings in town where I await news from the various quarters I am talking to about your rescue. But I often wonder if I should tell the new government of our marriage so I can be detained with you and stay by your side.’
‘No!’ she cried. ‘You mustn’t! We need you outside. If you joined us, you would be unable to help.’ She kissed his lips. ‘I love that you would be willing to give up your own freedom and of course it would be wonderful to see you every day, but for now it must be this way.’
‘Perhaps we can see each other more often. I will come to the Tower every morning and you should join me whenever it seems safe. Don’t take any risks, though.’
They had one last, lingering kiss before she turned to walk back into captivity with only a quick final glance. As she disappeared round the corner of the palace, it flashed into Dmitri’s head that this might be the last time he ever saw her, and the pain was like a stab wound. He couldn’t bear her to be in danger. He yearned to snatch her and ride off into the countryside, just keep riding till they reached safety. But she would never leave her family. That wasn’t an option.
A few days later Tatiana came to the tower again, and every few days after that, as spring turned to full-blown summer. The meetings sustained them: she was able to unburden herself and Dmitri could revel in the sheer exhilaration of being with her. Afterwards he relived every embrace, every tender word, and felt warmed by the certain knowledge of her love.
On the 12th of July, he was waiting in the White Tower when he saw her approach just as two revolutionary guards appeared from the other direction, their routes set to intersect. Dmitri could sense Tatiana’s confusion as she tried to decide what to do and he willed her to turn back, but it was too late.
‘Oy, who are you?’ one of them called out. Dmitri couldn’t hear her response but it seemed she told the truth because the soldier replied, ‘Your lot aren’t allowed over here. You shouldn’t be outside the palace courtyard. Get back right now, whore.’
Rage filled Dmitri with a red-hot fire. He had a knife in his belt and he was pretty sure he could kill the two of them before they were able to raise the alarm. Tatiana glanced quickly in his direction, shook her head almost imperceptibly, then turned and hurried back along the path to the palace. Dmitri was still shaking with rage that they should speak to her so insultingly. He watched closely as the men passed, memorising their faces, vowing that when the revolution was overthrown he would have them jailed.
When he rode round to the side gate to meet Trina, she had a hurried letter from Tatiana:
I was so sad not to be able to hold you earlier today, but in my daydreams I am pretending those soldiers did not stop me and we were together. I try to fill my head with joyful images and I wish you would do the same … I am sorry to say that we may not have another opportunity to meet at the tower because we were told this morning that we are leaving Tsarskoe Selo on the 31st of July. They have not said where we will be taken, only that we are heading south, so we hope the destination is Livadia. How wonderful that would be! We will take as much as we can, because who knows when we will return? Anyhow, my dearest one, I will write as soon as I know our destination in the fervent hope that I will see you there before too long. I love you with all my heart, now and always.