The Rules of Dating(75)

“Can’t wait,” I grumbled.

“So tell me, how is Marisol doing? Is she healthy and thriving?” Maya shook her head. “I mean Saylor? That’s what you call her now, correct?”

“Do you even really give a shit?”

“Of course. She was named after my grandmother, you know.”

“Oh yeah? Did your grandmother raise your mother?”

Maya’s forehead wrinkled. “Yes.”

“Well, I’m glad her original name was from a good mother and not you, at least.” I pushed away from the table and stood. “By the way, she’s Saylor because you left without even telling me her name. I had to call her something. I’ll be there tomorrow at three.”

***

Maya showed up the next afternoon with her attorney. Xavier Hess was as crooked as his client.

“I have someone on the inside at the local immigration office,” he said. “I’ll get the case pulled and fast tracked as soon as the paperwork is filed.”

My attorney shook his head. “I don’t want any part of anything illegal.”

“Nothing illegal about having friends. Don’t tell me you’ve never schmoozed a judge’s clerk to get your case called first because you had a packed day?”

“As long as that’s all it is.”

“How long will it take if we get it fast tracked?” I asked.

“Probably only a few months,” Xavier said.

“Good. I’d like to be divorced by year’s end.”

My attorney frowned. “Colby, you’re going to have to keep those kinds of comments to yourself. I can’t represent you if I believe your marriage to Maya is a sham.”

For the first time since the evil witch walked back into my life, Maya looked a little nervous. She reached into my lap and took my hand. “It’s not a sham marriage. Colby just has a dark sense of humor, right, sweetheart?”

I yanked my hand away.

My attorney looked between us before speaking. “You’ll need to know each other very well. The interview process is not always simple. They sometimes ask invasive questions that a husband and wife should know about each other.”

My brows pulled together. “Like what?”

“Anything they want. How quickly did you have sex for the first time? How many siblings do you each have? What was the proposal like? Your answers need to be in sync, or you’ll be referred for a fraud interview. Like I told you the other day, the penalty for attempting to defraud the government by marrying someone for immigration status is up to five years in prison and a two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-dollar fine.”

Maya’s attorney spoke up. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. These two have a four-year-old child together. This isn’t a mail-order-bride situation.”

I was about to say it was worse, I was being fucking blackmailed. But I stopped myself, knowing my attorney had some scruples. Instead, I swallowed the information. Besides, we hadn’t done anything illegal yet anyway, so there was still time for me to pull out. After another half hour, I told my attorney I’d be in touch if and when we wanted to file an application for citizenship. But I still had a few questions about things I could do to protect myself before entering into a marriage, and I didn’t want to ask those in front of Maya. So I told her and her attorney I needed a few minutes alone with my lawyer. Maya said she’d wait outside for me.

I really wished she would have just left—today had been draining enough—but of course she didn’t. She and the shyster attorney were waiting outside on the street when I walked out of the building.

“Are we all set?” she asked.

“I don’t know if we could even pull this off. We don’t know anything about each other. How the hell can we pass an interview with intrusive questions like my attorney mentioned?”

“There are businesses that will prep you,” Xavier said. “I’ll give Maya a few numbers she can call.”

“Prep you? What does that mean?”

“Immigration interview preparation services. They maintain a database of commonly asked interview questions. You both answer them and swap answers, so you can memorize how you’ll need to respond. A few are even pretty high-tech these days and can be done right online.”

I frowned and shook my head. “People make a living off helping other people defraud the government. Great. God bless America.”

“Think of it as test prep, Colby,” Xavier said. “When you want to be a lawyer, you take a Kaplan review course and study practice questions from previous bar exams. It doesn’t mean you still can’t fail, but the more you practice, the more likely it is that you’ll be well prepared and there won’t be any surprises.”

The entire thing was gross, but what choice did I have? I shook my head. “Whatever. Fine.”

Maya’s shoulders relaxed. “Okay, good. Now that we have things squared away, why don’t we meet Monday morning?”

“For what?”

“To get our marriage license, of course. Then we can have the ceremony Tuesday.”





CHAPTER 22


Billie



Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

I checked my phone for the hundredth time on Tuesday morning. Apparently, I was counting down the minutes until the hour of doom.