The Rest of the Story(86)

“Colin liked Bailey. Bailey brought me along. And you dated me because I was there,” I said to Blake. “This isn’t a relationship, it’s a coincidence.”

“Who wants a relationship?” he asked.

Me, I thought, surprising myself. But not with someone who’s been given everything. How could you value something if you never fought for it?

But what had I fought for, before this summer? All the things I didn’t want to do, a battle of prevention: driving, thinking too much about my mom, keeping the world as I knew it small, safe, and organized. Then I’d come here, where I was thrown in with little notice and no manual, forced to figure it out on my own. North Lake had changed me. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to change back.

And then, of course, there was Roo. Who’d recognized me when I felt surrounded by strangers that first day. Who’d picked a dress that made me feel beautiful, made me laugh and think and, most of all, remember. He was right there in that house below us, nearby once again, and I should have been able to make this my moment to return the favor, find him and say everything I hadn’t that night of Club Prom. Shoulda done it, Bailey had said. And for every moment since, I’d known she was right.

“I don’t want to be part of your flow,” I said to Blake now. When he opened his mouth to reply, I continued, “And you shouldn’t want that either. Life is big and huge and scary. But you have to go and take your part of it. There’s a reason the saying is ‘Seize the day,’ not ‘Wait for it to come along at some point.’”

“Hold on, so you want me to seize you? I just did! I took your hand.”

“But I’m not the one for you!” I said, exasperated. “I’m just the one who’s right here.”

He was quiet for a second. “So . . . are you saying you don’t even want to walk in with me? You want, you know, me to wait out here until you go in?”

“No,” I said. “We walk in together, as friends. Because we are. Right?”

“I hope so,” he said quietly, and I could tell he meant it. Then he gestured for me to go ahead on the stairs, and I did, hearing him follow in the next beat behind me.

April’s house was right on the water, with a great view of the lake. As we approached, I could see her through the window, adjusting some twinkling lights in the kitchen. The party planner at work.

“It’s my BIRTHDAY!” Taylor, who was sitting on a cooler by the house’s front door, wearing a light-up crown with feathers that said PRINCESS—slightly crooked—and only one shoe, said when she saw us.

“I heard,” I told her, bending down to give her a hug. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank YOU!” She looked at Blake. “Who’s this?”

“Blake,” I said, stepping back so he could say hello. “He works over at the Club.”

“Blake from the Club,” she said cheerfully. “You want a beer?”

“Sure,” he replied. She slid off the cooler, opening it and taking out a can, which she handed him. Then she looked at me. “Saylor?”

We weren’t even in the party proper yet, still outside. But through the screen door ahead of me, I could see Vincent, messing with a speaker up on the fireplace mantel. Two girls dancing together, laughing. And in the kitchen, Hannah sitting on the counter, Roo right in front of her. She was saying something, gesturing widely, as he listened, a smile on his face.

“Sure,” I said, keeping my eyes on them. “I’ll take one.”

“You don’t drink,” Blake said as Taylor handed me a dripping can as well.

“Not usually,” I said, popping the tab. “But it’s her birthday.”

“Hell YEAH it is!” Taylor yelled, hopping up and holding out her own beer to tap mine. “Let’s drink to THAT.”

She did, and I followed suit, even as I felt Blake’s eyes on me. While the beer was cold, it still tasted awful, making me wince as I swallowed it down. Still, with a last look at Roo and Hannah—or what I hoped would be—I forced another one. Then one more.

“We should dance,” I said to Taylor.

“Um, YEAH,” she replied, keeping up the streak of shouting every few words. “I have a playlist I made just for this moment. Seriously! Let me just—hey, Vincent! Don’t you dare pair your phone with that speaker. I’m not kidding!”

With that, she was opening the door to cross the floor to the fireplace, pulling her own phone from her pocket as she did so. Vincent, busted, slipped out the back door, leaving what I was pretty sure was, yep, heavy metal blasting behind him.

“Hey,” Blake said to me as we came inside. “I know I’m not your boyfriend, but watch it with the beer. It can hit you fast when you’re not used to it.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, taking another sip. “I’m only having this one.”

And that was the plan. Just a few sips to loosen me up and take my mind off Roo and Hannah, as well as my dad. But as the alcohol began to hit, blurring the edges of this stressful day, and Taylor, after cursing Vincent loudly for a moment, put on a song with a whirly, pumping beat that Ryan, Bridget, and I loved, I was already thinking how another one would have to make me feel better. This would probably be the last party I’d attend on this side this summer. Or ever. I might as well make it one to remember.