The Rebel of Raleigh High (Raleigh Rebels #1)(63)

She rushes to her mom, dropping to her knees with a loud thud, eyes still on me. “What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know. She was doing seventy when she pulled up. When she got out, she was like this.”

“Fuck, Mom. Mom, what’s going on?” Silver tries to take the woman’s hands in hers, but she’s too hysterical to allow it.

“She’s…gone…” she pants. “She’s fucking…gone. She’s dead, Silver. She’s fucking dead.”

A brief flash of confusion pulls at Silver’s features, then her mom’s statement must make sense all of a sudden, because I watch as realization dawns on her. “Gail? Gail died?”

“Yes!” Her mom sounds like she’s dying when she pushes the word out. “It’s…it’s my fault.”

“No.” Silver shakes her head, running her hands over her mom’s hair, trying to soothe her. “No. Mom, it’s not your fault. How can it be your fault?”

“She was angry with me,” she keens. “I was chasing after her. I needed to explain. I just needed to make her stop, but…” She chokes. Barely even gives herself time to recover before she continues. “She drove straight out. Straight into the intersection. She didn’t even look.”

“Mom. Mom, it’s okay. You’re not making any sense. Tell me what happened.”

“She saw me, Silver. She saw me with Dan, in his office. She wouldn’t wait for me to get dressed. She…just left, and I went after her. It is my fault. I killed her.”





23





SILVER





Mom has been acting weird.

Mom has been crying in the shower.

Mom’s been having an affair with her boss.

This is the reason why she's bailed every time Dr. Coombes came to drop the boys off for their lesson. This is the reason why she hasn't been to visit her best fucking friend in the hospital. She's been riddled with guilt, it's been eating her alive, and now Gail is dead.

Alex wanted to take us back into town, but I told him I would drive the van back. He mentioned something about coming back up here later with a friend to get my car. I vaguely remember giving him the keys to the Nova. More vividly, I remember him holding me, hugging me, whispering into my hair, but after that everything’s kind of a blur.

I’m numb down to my bones as I make the journey home, Mom still crying in the passenger seat. I don’t even know how I made it most of the way; I’m on autopilot, shifting, stopping at lights, taking turns without really paying attention to what I’m doing. When I pull into the driveway and kill the engine, we both just sit there, neither of us moving, staring dumbly out of the window at the garage door.

“Why?” I ask. “Why did you come up to the cabin?”

She has calmed down a bit now. Enough so she can talk, at least. “I don’t know. I knew you were there, and I just wanted to get away, and it just…happened.”

“Does Dad know?”

She blinks, shifting in the seat. Her pajama pants are destroyed, and there’s mud all over the passenger door. “About Dan? No,” she says quietly. “I haven’t told him yet.”

Great. A fucking bomb’s about to go off in our house, and there will be nothing left of our happiness but a smoking crater and the remnants of my father’s happiness. I can’t stitch my thoughts together. Nothing’s making sense inside my head. I just sit there, hands still on the steering wheel, staring into space.

I feel like I’m going to puke as an option presents itself to me—an option I do not like one little bit. I take a deep breath, swallowing down my own self-loathing as I say, “You’re not going to.”

“What?” Mom whispers.

“You’re not going to fucking tell him, Mom,” I snap. “You were selfish. You did something really fucking stupid, but you didn’t kill Gail. It was an accident.”

“I have to tell him, sweetheart. It wouldn’t be fair—”

“Do not talk to me about fair!” I yell. “If you wanted fair, you shouldn’t have cheated on Dad. If you wanted fair, you shouldn’t have started with the lies in the first place. Now, to be fair to the rest of this family, you’re gonna have to be a fucking adult, stop being so goddamn selfish, and you’re gonna keep your mouth shut.”

“Silver—”

“You get to be sad. You get to be broken up because your friend died. You do not get to tear the rest of us apart just so you can punish yourself and make yourself feel like you got what you deserved.”

“I did something bad, Silver. I can’t just walk around, pretending it didn’t happen. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Shut up, Mom. Just…just shut the fuck up, okay. Enough damage has already been done. I swear to god, if you hurt Dad and Max like this, I will never forgive you. I mean it. I will never speak to you again.” I get out of the car, vibrating with rage, slamming the door behind me.

Mom’s hot on my heels. “Hey! Hey, get back here, young lady. I know I fucked up, but I am still your mother, okay. I am still the adult.”

I turn on her, stabbing my finger into her chest. I hate that I’m crying. “No, Mom. Don’t you see? You haven’t been the adult in this relationship for a really long time. While you’ve been staying at work late, fucking your boss, I’ve been doing the cooking. I’ve been doing the cleaning. I’ve been making sure the laundry’s done, and your eleven-year-old son is fed and clothed. I’m the one making sure everything doesn’t fall apart, and guess what, Mom? My shit has been falling apart. My shit has not been okay. And then you show up at the cabin, running to me for comfort, for me to fix this fucking mess, because you know that I will!”